Hey Bitter Journal

/ bensbitterblog

Hey Bitter Journal (I’m not going to call you a dear, journal)

What’s up bro? Doing good? No? Yeah me either.  Life is pretty bitter these days.  All kinds of things are making me bitter lately.  As you should know my now, work sucks.  You know what is irritating? Besides everything? They expect me to show up and just start doing stuff.  Like where is the homework assignments that I was used to ignoring when I was in school?  Where are the projects that I was supposed to be contributing minimally to with my group of people that I got stuck with because I had no friends in class?  Where are the lectures from teachers that had really soothing voices that I could pretend to not fall asleep to? They expect you to do stuff at work without being told how or when? What kind of crap is that? And they expect like more than one thing to be done at a time too.  I don’t remember there being a class in school called duotasking that taught you how to walk and swing your arms at the same time, do you, man? Oh yeah, you probably wouldn’t know that because I didn’t really write in you during school.  In fact, you probably wouldn’t know any of that since this is my first entry.  I would catch you up on what has happened in the last 41 years, but quite frankly, I don’t remember much.  There were a few lowlights, like when I almost got lost in the mountains and almost died, but no one cares about something stupid like that.

There was that thing with that one girl that decided to accept the rose ring I gave her. Then we went to that one place and promised something about time and eternity and gave each other 5 golden rings or two I can’t remember.  Now she let’s me live in her house!  Of course I have to share stuff with these other two roommates we have.  But we get to eat good food together sometimes too and sometimes I even get to warm or rewarm it.  It’s in this thing that blows things up, like metal and cellphones, but it doesn’t really blow food up…unless you leave it in there for like 90 minutes.  They both go to school.  They must be really smart to have been both been accepted to the same elementary university school.  The older one is the 5th grade program and the younger one is in the 1st grade program.  Luckily they don’t live in the dorms, because that would be expensive for them to pay for.  They are kind of slackers though because neither of them have a job.

I hear Halloween is coming up.  Not sure how since Halloween stores have only been open since early August, and Halloween themed candy has only been on sale since July.  I love how the holidays recently have taken a step back to give us a little relief to do other things like mock the weatherman for predicting that it would rain in Seattle or that it would be sunny in Arizona.  I wonder how bitter it would be to be a weatherman, going to school for years to study weather patterns and high and low pressure hurricane clouds and to get scooped by me going outside to tell you what the weather is going to be like for the next 5 minutes. Speaking of being able to predict things,  I predict that someone will be gone from work today…and I’m right.  I should be a medium…sized diet soda, cause they taste so bitter compared to medium sized regular sugared soda.  Just the same, I leave a bad aftertaste.

Well, I gotta go Bitter Journal, things are about to get bitter, cause my phone is wringing (and I mean wringing in the worst way, cause I hate phone rings like those Pavlov dogs do),

By the way, I hope no one ever gets ahold of this journal cause there are some super dark secrets in here that no one should ever hear.

Out like a bout of Shout

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Journalist Ben

 

32 thoughts on “Hey Bitter Journal”

  3. This sounds like my experience. I picked up what I thought was a novel and started reading it.

    “Man, this is awful,” I said. “The main character’s pathetic, and his life is a boring routine. It’s like he lives the same crappy day over and over. What a loser.”

    And then I realized I was reading my own journal. Whoops.

    And I agree — what’s up with those job-type-things anyway, where they expect you to do stuff?

    Keep the bitter wisdom flowing!

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    • When I saw Groundhog’s Day, I thought it was a movie about my life. Except all the interesting parts. The waking up and it being the same day over and over again, that part was me. By the way, do you realize because of that one movie, we associate repeating a bad day as Groundhog’s Day? I wish I made a movie that took over the meaning of a holiday.

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  4. LoL. Nice one, BF. XD

    I don’t know if you meant it to be this way, but that paragraph where you were talking about your family? Yeah, that was super cute. Maybe just because I know you? Hopefully that won’t mess up your bitter reputation or something.
    How are you feeling about your first journal entry?

    Also, sorry for not texting you back yesterday. My phone was being super weird (not notifying me), then it was dying so I had to plug it up and I just left it there. >.>
    I could’ve texted you that, but I’m still not awake yet and I’m feeling super lazy.
    😀

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  6. Haha! This was great… my diary is just full of lists of food I shouldn’t have eaten and how many bitter calories I am over my goal. I don’t trust my diary with anything too secret… she’s a proper loudmouth, always laying around on the coffee table with her pages wide open, shouting to the world. So I just give her the most boringly depressing information possible.

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  8. My journal’s kind of a jerk. Somehow, it always ends up sitting in the middle of some room even though I know I hid it in the deepest darkest part of whatever I can find.
    Or maybe it’s possessed. Either way, I gotta stop writing in that.
    You, though, keep writing in yours. We can never have too many bitter journals.

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  9. This is awesome. I like how you summed up your life. But I talk to my journal like it’s a person, too. I’ll be like, “Hey, how’s things?” and it’s all, “Pretty much the same. Just having to listen to you bitch all the time and fill me with drunken nonsense. Not to mention when you toss me in your backpack when it’s raining so that I get all wet and the ink runs everywhere. Get a job, already.” (It’s a very judgmental journal.)

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