A smaller version of the Basement in my dreams.
When I dream, I often dream big. In the literal sense. Back when I was in school, I would have these dreams about this ginormous school that had 8,000 classes and that would take a speed train just to get from one class to the other. The lockers were the size of a house and the classrooms were the size of arenas. I would also have recurring dreams about a monster house (by size, not one that contained monsters) that had a 100 acre front yard that lead to a sprawling mansion with trap doors, hidden rooms and whole sides of the house that no one knew about. One time I found out the basement had a mall. Not just a strip mall either. It was a full on Mall of America on steroids so big I would need Paul Blart to guard the place. I’m telling you, if you ever inhabited my dreams you would need a map just to get lost.
Coming soon to a basement near you.
So, yes I might have a bit of claustrophobia. And yeah, maybe you amateur Freuds might think I have a secret or two hidden in one of those mansion rooms. But hey don’t we all? At least I’m not dreaming of being naked in front of class or dreamin’ of demons. Point is, I’ve always wanted to live in a house like that. Not for the exercise, clearly, but if there was ever a time I didn’t want to be found, this house could hide me. I could commit the crime of the century and the police could search the house for minutes and never find me. As you have noticed though, there has been a housing crisis in this country since 2008 and it has only recently started to get any better. And I’m not exactly growing trees in the back yard that grow money. If I did, the deers would eat it anyway.
Just getting started!
Blanket Fort early planning stages.
Some early neighborhood fights.
Still in progress…
So is there any hope of me getting into the home of my literal dreams? Yes, yes there is. I intend to start a whole new market of dwellings. Blanket Forts. You might ask why blanket forts? I say Why Not Blanket forts?
So what are the advantages of a blanket fort over a traditional mansion?
1. Easy set up. The blanket fort requires no wood, no nails, no expensive materials. Just blankets, and some sort of fastener.
2. If your imagination can dream it, your hands and some blankets can achieve it. These things can start small, or grow bigger than any mansion you could ever dream of. Just need more blankets.
3. Harry Potter survived the last two movies(I heard they were based on some books?) in a tent blanket fort.
4. You will survive a Zombie apocalypse with it. Why would any zombie want to invade a place with nice, soft pillows and blankets?
5. You never have to worry about locking your doors.
6. No rent, mortgage or HOA fees. No one telling you that your grass has to be a certain height, or having to mow your grass at all.
7. It’s portable. If you call for pizza delivery and you are just outside of the range of the “pizza delivery area”, just move your blanket fort house a few streets down and you are in the biz.
8. A whole new market in the dwelling industry. New jobs for Blanket Fort Real Estate Agents, new Blanket Fort furnishings at Bed, Bath, and Beyond and Body Works, new Blanket Fort couches and beds at the Mattress Factory.
9. Finally a couple of new letters in MASH. This might be a new thing for the young ones, but there was a game back in the day when the Ipad wasn’t around to distract us from using our imaginations. A game called MASH would predict what kind of place you would live in. Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House. Well now it would have to be called MASHBF.
10. Last, but certainly least, included in each Blanket Fort is a GUI, or Grown Up Inhibitor. This prevents anyone who enters your Blanket Fort to act anything like an adult. Because there are way to many of them around.
Like I said, when I dream, I dream big. I predict in just a few years my dreams will be about the oversized Blanket Forts instead of mansions. Because there is nothing better than a BF.
ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH
Bitter Blanket Fort Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
In dream analysis, a house or similar structure often symbolizes the soul or mind and its potential. Big house = big psyche.
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To me, it seems like big dreams that I’m not living up to. So bitter.
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Yours is the Mother of all blanket forts! I am going into the rummage business with old blankets. I want to be ahead of the new fad. My nine year old granddaughter and her buddies have traveled like lemmings to the stores selling colored masking tape and little rubber bands (for bracelets). Also, I really like the fort, and would like to visit some time. Just let me know what provisions I need to bring.
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My daughter does those rubber band bracelet things too called Rainbow loom. I think a blanket and pillow fort business would be the best.
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And you don’t have to paint/paper the walls. They already come in designer colors.
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Exactly right? Also they have any number of kid designs that embarrass even the most confident adult.
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Nothing better than a BF!
HAHA
I read through the entire thing again and was like . . . “Is he talking about MASHBF?” Then got to the last line (which going through the first time was like Blanket Fort). Silly me. XD
Thanks for that. I seriously giggled a bit over it. Not LOL or CTM, literally giggled.
(Did you get this now? Can you hear me now? Hellooooooo?)
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You got that right, nothing better than a BF. I’m glad I forced you to read it through one more time. I was almost positive you would have found it the first time, but you probably just woke up or something. And from what I know you are pretty out of it when you just wake up.
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LOL! You didn’t FORCE me to read it again.
I probably had just woken up, or had spent however long doing something that made my brain not work. No telling which.
And no, I’m not PRETTY out of it when I wake up. I’m EXTREMELY out of it when I wake up.
You know how long it’s been since I first texted you today, and I’m JUST NOW starting to feel about halfway coherent.
It’s kind of sad. >.>
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I definitely know how long it takes you to wake up in the morning, whenever that happens to be for the day, but I don’t blame you, with your sleep schedule changing all the time, I don’t think I could keep up either.
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I’m wondering if getting on an actual SET schedule would help with the coherency issues. Maybe. I guess we’ll see.
I’ve been putting some serious thought into quitting smoking, but . . . I mean, I’ve been thinking about that for years now. Wondering if I might actually be ready to do that soon(ish). The reason that’s related to the current subject is because I’m not sure if I would EVER be able to wake up if I didn’t have my cigarettes. Like . . . I would just be a zombie constantly. Wake up, zombie, sleep, wake up, zombie.
>..>
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Well, if you ever do get it clobbered you would be my hero (actually you already in a lot of ways) but overcoming such a huge addictive challenge like that is so hard. I’m just glad I never got started on anything like that. I’ll never have to overcome it like you will. I have every faith in you. 🙂
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I’m glad you never got started on anything like that either. (Talking about cigarettes.)
I don’t know that I would ever be able to quit without getting on Chantix or something. I’d almost quit when I was 20, but now I have however many more years of being in the habit of it added onto that . . .
I’d planned on trying to quit when Husband and I were ready to start trying for a kid (NOT FOR A WHILE). But I don’t know. I think maybe when we move.
I will NOT be a pleasant person while I’m trying to quit, that’s for sure. It’s just a major bummer all around. I wish it wasn’t so bad for you.
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Nothing better than a BF!
HAHA
I read through the entire thing again and was like . . . “Is he talking about MASHBF?” Then got to the last line (which going through the first time was like Blanket Fort). Silly me. XD
Thanks for that. I seriously giggled a bit over it. Not LOL or CTM, literally giggled.
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Nevermind about the comment where I asked you what post you were texting me about because I remembered what it was after I saw the title for this one. I would ask, “How could I forget anything to do with blanket forts?” But that is because I am very tired, BF. (Reversed sleep schedule. NOOOOES.)
I have to say . . . I liked the blanket fort episode of Community. (Also, along with that being picked up by Yahoo, so did Enlisted! I’m so stoked because I LOOOOOVED Enlisted.) It sort of reminds me of the paint ball ones (though I think I only really liked the first paint ball one). Did I ever tell you that the Halloween episode of Community was my favorite? With the zombies?
Also, I’m not sure a blanket fort would be cost efficient. (Or would it be cost effective? I’m too tired to use the brainz. Zombies, ha. Wow, I’m tired and rambling. Anyway.) Blankets can get super expensive. If you were going to make a massive one, you would definitely have to have others involved so they could give you ALL THE BLANKETS. Then it would be good with the cost, but you would have to share your blanket fort mansion with a bunch of people, and really? Who wants that?
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My son watched has watched a little Community with me and he is also a big fan of Zombie one, the two blanket fort ones and of course, the Pierce video game one. I have to say that although I love the GI Joe one, the Blanket Fort ones, that the video game one is my alltime favorite. Did you know that they actually made a video game out of it? Did you also know that I have played the video game? So coool.
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If you ever franchise the idea, count me in.
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Well, I will look into franchising the idea. I’ll let you in on it, as long as you aren’t encroaching on my territory.
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I was smiling the whole entry and didn’t even question the danger of a Zombie apoc BF.
Of course now I’m seeing entrails strewn from the ceiling in a Martha Stewart fashion, but its ok! I’ll probablyhopefullynever have to live through one to worry if my kidneys match that hound’s-tooth print.
Should I be checking out ‘Shark Tank’ soon for – BF in a Box – ?
I’m sure there’s a market for this!
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I definitely need to go on Shark Tank to pitch this idea. Low overhead, small to large houses. I would just have to convince them that my sales are more than zero dollars..
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Brutal honesty:
Not your most hysterical post, Ben, but best content ever. My favorite Craigslist post ever was titled “Let’s Frolic In My Totally Dope Blanket Fort”. The dude describes how he can customize it exactly to his lady’s desires.
And the “Grown Up Inhibitor” was inspired 🙂
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It’s funny that you should say that it wasn’t my most hysterical. I agree whole heartedly. I also agree with the fact that the content is the best ever. I just had to do a post about it, even though it wasn’t my best.
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I like that, Ben. We are blogging for us, also. And people like you for you, also.
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It may be that I just want to live in a blanketfort too.
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I’m skipping work and building my blanket fort today! Screw responsibility! Just me and my cat in my blanket fort….and maybe the wife and kids if they bring the good pillows.
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I encourage not being responsible. Stop the grown up stuff and start your fortress of solitude.
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We need more GUI ( Grow Up Inhibitor) in this world.
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Join the GUI revolution! I’m trying to avoid that at work right now.
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Flash forward to Bitter Ben attempting to erect a blanket fort….blankets cover his face as he blindly stumbles around attempting to hand said blankets and amid profuse profanities we can hear him scream ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!
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I may have to take some time off to erect a bitter fort. It will take a while so I will need to take a few months.
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I guarantee you would come back even bitterer!
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That is a pretty solid guarantee around here.
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