My Head of Sales.
Welcome back on the most bitter of days. A Tuesday (worst day of the week) after a holiday (always more work to make up for) after a bitter summer(now begins the bitter fall). Today, I thought I would try something new. If you have ever read my About Page, you know that the reason why I founded this blog was an idea I came up with one day at work way back in 2012(you know, the year the world was supposed to end). I was extremely bitter about angry and bitter people calling us at work and expressedd my feelings with my co-workers. This lead my brilliant, yet still unattempted idea where I would create a 1-900 number (remember when they used to do those?) where bitter and angry people would call bitter phone representatives on the phone for a certain amount of money per minute. They would be able to complain about their day to the rep, and of course the rep would be able to complain back to the phoner. In the end, maybe something gets resovled or maybe something doesn’t. I didn’t really care. I just knew that I would be getting all the money from all the talking. And if they did have a complaint, well, that would be a 1-900 number too. So in the end, I win. This lead my co-workers to start calling me Bitter Ben and telling me I should start a blog. They never thought I would do it, and of course, I had to prove them wrong. So here you are reading some crap, because of a challenge someone put forth to me.
This is one our phone reps, Bitter Bob the Zombie.
So, Bitter Cult Followers, both real bitter like me or not, let’s treat today’s post like it is my 1-900 line. Comment me up and tell me what you are bitter about. It can be anything from the smallest complaint to the bitterest rant, First world problem or real one. I will be your pretend therapist, or pretend friend or pretend 1-900-line guy. Whatever. You will get whatever it is that you are bitter about off your chest, or brain or shoulders or whatever you carry heavy loads with. If you have nothing, then you are lying or in complete denial. The comment lines are open, call now and you will recieve a free bitter retort to your complaint or question.
And another, Bitter Bear.
If this is something people want to do on the reg, I will be able to sense it by your bitter enthusiasm, or bitter disinterest. If there is interest, then I might do it more. If not, I will be bitter that I don’t have a regular post that is easy to do and get comments. And I will be bitter at you all. My post fodder for me in the end anyway.
So let me start by saying that what I am bitter about today is what I mentioned above. Summer was a bitter time and now I have a bitter fall to look forward to.
Give me your worst, bitter people!
AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH
Bitter Complaint Day Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
i am bitter because i can’t look that good with mud dried all over my body talking on an orange phone. i am also bitter about body odor. totally unnecessary.
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Zombies are pretty good at caking on the makeup, though they could do a better job of using a little color to change up those dead eyes a little more.
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I am really bitter about the fact that I put food in the microwave and it makes it TOO HOT!! Burnt the roof of my bitter mouth more times than I can count.
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Stupid microwave! 1 second earlier and it would have been an arctic frost that would have frozen your tongue.
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School is back in, but the sun still blares upon us with a vengeance. Children cannot ride home on bicycles without accruing sweat stains, wiping beads of sweat away with chubby Dorito-stained fingers. One does not need a meteorology degree to forecast here: every day is the same. “Your seven day forecast? 102 and sunny with not a chance in he!! of precipitation.”
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Sounds like you need a new weatherman. He needs to predict 102 and sunny and it will start to rain. That’s the role of a weatherman.
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I love the idea of Bitter Tuesday!! Here’s my rant:
1. I hate LinkedIn and the way they treated me when I applied with them recently. The hiring manager was a complete dick and wasted 2 weeks of my life that I won’t get back. (see my latest blog post about that)
2. I’m starting my new job next week after being off for 5 months and I can’t be bothered to wake up before midday. My body clock is set to 11am until 3am now!
3. I hate the Irish weather it was yet another crappy summer with one week of temperatures in the low twenties and the rest around 15-18 degrees, rain and wind.
Thanks for reading!
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Since Tuesdays are always bitter, there should always be a forum for bitterness. I also hate Linkedin because people are out there not finding me a great job. And there weather here is almost as frightful as Ireland. We try to make sure we copy your rainyness.
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Oh Ben, do you have a bitter Wednesday and Thursday, too? I was supposed to start my new job next week and the company emailed me 4 days before the start date saying the project has been cancelled so I’m basically jobless! I was so mad at them I actually went on Glassdoor and ranted there (by giving a negative review). That’ll teach them.
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I’m pretty much bitter every day of the week, and as I always offer, you can complain until your face in blue on this blog. So sucky that you are jobless! That makes me terribly bitter!
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I’m bitter about how much I loved that polar bear picture.
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That polar bear is our most popular agent. He handles all the cold calling.
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Polar bears are so pretty.
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And you are kinda silly.
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I am bitter that they put every freakin’ good TV show on Monday and Tuesday nights. Why do the TV scheduling gurus do that? To make me crazy? Really, people, when I am home on a Friday and Saturday night, which is often, there is crap on TV because you used up all of the good stuff in two days. Arggghhh!!!
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Exactly. The bitterness runs deep when it comes to programming. They clearly don’t know when we need to watch stuff, which is why DVR’s and Netflix are so popular.
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I am bitter that school has NOT started in our area because of a strike/lockout. The fight is so bad they can’t even decide which side is pulling the bitter strings of unemployment. Now we have to figure out how to amuse our kids during the day for even more days, and believe me, there is only so much bacon a person can cook in a day!
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Ahh, the bitter strike! That’s even worse than the baseball strike, because people actual care. There is never too much bacon though.
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I am totally bitter that I have been blogging for nearly three years and I still only have 194 followers! And now I’m bitter because that sounds like a bitter narcissist speaking. And I hate Tuesdays almost as much as Monday, plus I only have 3 days holiday left between now and April 2015! Rant over! *hangs head in shame for being so publicly bitter*
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I’m totally bitter to hear that. I hate Tuesdays more than Mondays especially after holidays. By the way, no shame in being bitter in public or private. Own that bitterness!
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I’m hungover and dying and my Internet isn’t working and I’m trying to watch Netflix. Boo, Tuesday 😦
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Tuesday is the worst. I wonder if the internet conspires against us on Tuesdays and decides to working intermittenly just to make sure our Netflix doesn’t work.
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I am bitter that I participated in your Bitter Advice column (a month or so ago) by leaving a (maybe not bitter enough?) question and I was bitterly ignored. Bitterly of all, now I cannot even recall what the question was to ask someone else’s advice and wait to be bitterly ignored.
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Alrighty then. Nice to see you boycotted the sight since you never got an answer to your question. Luckily, I have the question that you asked and it is this: Please tell me how to keep from being labeled a Debbie Downer or a pessimist when I am really just a Realist. Thank you! The advice: Tell people you are a realist.
As far as Bitterly being ignored? Get used to that. I ignore my family(who give life and housing to me) my company (who pays me) and even my followers (who follow me). Just part of knowing the bitterest guy on the planet.
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Dear Bitter Ben,
I am bitter that I am spending my time trying to think up something clever for your blog, and my brain will be so taxed that I will not have any cleverness left for my own blog. Thank you for asking.
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Well, there was not a lot of cleverness going on at my blog today anyways. I made the listeners do all the work today (that is what I should be doing everyday).
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Ok, all first world problems: I’m bitter school started last week. It was 90 degrees and humid! This is just wrong. I should’ve been spending my time being a lazy-ass at the beach but no, I had to spend hours shopping with two whining kids for the perfect school supplies we can’t afford.
I’m also bitter that today is Tuesday but it’s really Monday. How dare Monday try and trick us!
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The First World Problems are the most appropriate here, since that it what I try to focus on. I can’t believe that it ever reached 90 degrees in Maine. People there must look like that Persistance of Memory melting clock thing. Are the lobsters starting to walk up on the beach?
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Okay here we go, I am bitter about car salesmen. They cruise the lot like sharks. My husband and I have resorted to car shopping at night so we can actually look at the vehicles we are interested in without being hounded to death or run down by sprinting salesmen. There is no escape from them. They mesmerize you with details and flummox you with numbers. We are probably going to get arrested for lurking in the lots at night for grand theft auto, but the way I figure it, in the long run it will be worth it just to avoid dealing with the car salesmen. Hey, maybe you can make a bitter breakout for us when we get arrested?
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A bitter breakout sounds like an awesome time. And if it didn’t work and I got arrested for trying to break out a criminal, then I would have a whole lot more things to be bitter about and the blog would be even more colorful. And the chance to get back at car salesmen? Priceless.
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