It’s another Friday and I’m sure you all have some great expectations about what you are going to do this weekend. Maybe you will go to the beach, see a new movie, or go camping. Before you go and get all excited about your weekend and all your high expectations for it, let me go ahead and be the Rain to your Parade. If you go to the beach, it will be too crowded and you will get a sunburn. If you go the movies, the theater will be too crowded, the popcorn have bitter butter on it, and the movie will be so bad it wouldn’t have made it onto the Lifetime Network. If you go camping, well you are crazy. Why would anyone ever do that? There will be lots of dirt, rain and lots of wolves that will eat your undercooked waffles. You will lose your compass and get lost in the woods until 1 am Monday morning, in just enough time to make it work to be exhausted all day Monday since you are out of vacation and sick days. If you think you have more fun ideas for the weekend, feel free to call me and I will be glad to rain on your parade. Like thus:
Think your favorite sports team is going to win?
Think again.
WHEN ARE WE GOING TO EAT?
In an hour, or six.
Can I have the last piece of pizza?
Not gonna happen.
Hey, don’t flip out…
…but you aren’t graduating.
Let’s begin the weekend…
…flat on our faces.
I know, let’s go waterskiing…
…or ruin your motorcycling.
How about we just go toss around a ball…
…or use one to meet a wall.
Alright, we just made some cookies…
…did anyone bring some milk?
Should we go to the amusement park and ride the grown up rides…
…or should we be weiners and stick with the kid rides?
Make sure you leap before you look….
…and always make sure you forget your parachute.
Before you make your move…
…make sure you eat some garlice and onions.
And most important of all, before you leave make sure you go to the ATM…
…and get some Bitter Benjamins.
Alright, your Friday has been ruined. Just make sure when you come in on Monday you are bitter about your weekened and the cycle continues. If you need help, you can always come to me for advice on how to ruin each and every day, not just your weekends. You’re welcome.
ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Parade Rainer Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Your dash of “bitters” put a big smile on my face. Ah, well– keep trying… : )
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I will probably have to spring for some plastic surgery that gives you a permafrown so people will see your bitterness even when you are smiling.
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dat 5th gif doe. it practically looks planned like, “ok, so we’re all going to fall flat on our faces, ok? OKAY!!”
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Guess they are mass masochists. Go team!
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You really are a funny dude, bitter banter and all – I have to get over here more often – you’re too clever to miss – I think I’m bitter about that!
AnnMarie 🙂
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I need to get over here more often too. I haven’t been here since last Friday. Guess being lazy and having vacation make this blog a barren desert.
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Yeah camping…No. Heck NO. There is a reason we buy $350,000 homes. So we don’t have to lie on the freezing hard ground, shower in the creek, listen to camp songs, and pick leaves out of raw, under-cooked pancakes. Yeah. If you ask me, if you get eaten by wolves while camping, you’ve one of the lucky ones.
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Yeah, and there is also a reason why we aren’t pioneers. I’ll take rugs over dirt anyday.
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I’m bitter that the motercycle guy gets to breack the laws of physics and I don’t -_-
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I’m a little bitter at gravity in general.
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I don’t know about Fridays, but today for me was Laundry Day:
I spent about two hours involved in doing laundry, and a somewhat longer period of time working on this composition.
Laundry day … pants in the washer; pants on the ground
Posted on August 17, 2014 by markquinn7
“Mmm. Laundry day. Pants on the ground;
pants on the ground; pants in the washer;
pants in the dryer; pants back on the ground;
pants back on the ground.
Delicates in cold; tough skins in hot;
detergent all around, and around, and around.
Pants on the ground; pants on the ground;
pants in the washer; pants in the dryer;
pants back on the ground;
pants back on the ground.
P.O. and B.O. meets H2O and laundry soap.
My, oh, my, oh, my: our fellow misanthropes
are easier to be around.
Everything including the pants goes in:
little ladies’ and dudes’ queues of Underoos;
stomach jacks for our stomachs;
boob jacks for our boobs;
tube tops for our tops;
tube socks for our tubes.
Love it or hate it: laundry day could
be a lot worse. I am sometimes
ambivalent about it, due to the sheer
easiness of the process, I have found.
Pants on the ground; pants on the ground;
pants in the washer; pants in the dryer;
pants back on the ground;
pants back on the ground.”
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That is a Youtube video that is waiting to go viral.
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I can’t help thinking that was a new take on ball(s) to the wall…And that poor kid! Although, maybe that experience will make him bitter 😉
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It was a new take of balls to the wall, or lady who fell on a ball into a wall. I’m pretty sure that kid was me everytime I had a crush.
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Haha! I hate parades anyway. Parades make me truly bitter. Ask those shrines in tiny cars…baton workers… horse poop and substandard drummers. *shudder*
Camping, on the other hand, makes me happy. Fresh air, sunshine, and the added bonus of no parades.
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That is to say (without bitter spell check) “All those shriners…” etc Sheesh. Bitterness has officially been achieved.
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I can’t believed you obtained the bittervana. I just hope you can keep having bad things happen to you, so you can continue to be bitter.
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Parades are just a reason sit around in a long line and go to port-a-pottie and watch people shovel horse poop at the end.
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No milk for the cookies? I think you just made me cry. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to go console myself by watching one of those Lifetime movies now…
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Don’t watch a Lifetime Movie! It will be about teen suicide or serial killer stalker mom or something horrendous! You don’t want to go down that road! I’ll bring milk!
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The biker across the pool? Da man.
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What you didn’t see was the accident that happened right after the gif ended. He is still in the hospital.
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Small penance for being a latter day Evil Knievel.
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He also put me in the hospital, for which I am really bitter.
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HAHA, I feel that way every time I go to the theater. I hate crowds.
(I felt so bad for that kid that kissed that girl and she ran away disgusted… poor boy (I totally watch that show)).
My weekend is gonna kick ass, because I am not doing any of that stuff. Camping is fun though. Give it a real try sometime.
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I hate crowds too. That’s why I usually go see movies a week or two after the premiere.
What show is that where the boy kissed her?
I have done camping a lot. When I was a Scout growing up and sometimes after. Some of my most miserable experiences. One time I slept in a snow cave. with 3 other guys and I was trapped up against the wall all night and got the worst cold and I’m claustraphobic. Worst night ever!!!
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Uh, boyscout camping is way different, its like way badass and weird. I went camping with my dad long ago and we ran into some boyscouts, one kid walked up to me and looked me dead in the eye “Don’t go down there!” I think you guys had to go through unnecessary scary shit. In girlscouts we just hiked. It was pretty boring, we didn’t even get knives.
The show is Dance Moms. It’s a totally garbage show, but I love the dancing.
I don’t really go to the theater at all.
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The ice cave was the worst. I can’t say that going camping wasn’t so bad, but the prep and the clean up and need to take a nap right when you get home made it almost not worth it.
That Dance Mom’s sounds like garbage. Did you used to dance?
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It is total garbage, but yes I did dance in highschool. I miss it, sometimes.
Yeah the unpacking is so annoying, boring, and you’re all dirty so all you want to do is shower. Bleh.
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Well, it is nice to have something like dance that you can reminisce about. I do that sometimes when I watch basketball. I pretend like I used to be good.
Well, if I ever move, I’ll make sure to make my kids do all that.
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I do hope it rains this weekend…I hate when the sun is all shiney and making me feel guilty for wanting to sit in my house.
Our favorite sports team DID win last week… but your right, we’ll see about this week. As a Viking’s fan…you just never know.
(Actually, we do know…but can wallow in our denial).
One more thing………………….I want to know where that hot dog ride is.
Happy Bitter Friday to YOU, Friend.
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I’m sure you at least do something like exercize or do stuff. So, it’s not a Vikings game, but my daughter did flag football this summer and she was invited along with a small group of players to play at a preseason Seahawks game. She is pretty stoked and she is allowed one other ticket and guess who she chose to go with her? That’s right her dad. Now if they were only playing the Vikings, then it would be really awesome.
That hot dog ride is at Seahawk Stadium….I mean, I don’t know.
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I feel like that disembodied hand in the …’leap before you look’ gif – disconnected and needing a soft place to land. Argh to not enough sleep and cold, rainy Fridays. Oh yeah, Happy Bitter Friday to you too!
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Sounds like a perfect start to a bitter day! May the rest of your day go just as bitter and lead you into a perfectly bitter weekend as well.
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Never smiled so much at so many bitter well-wishes!
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Dang it! You aren’t supposed to smile. My goal of total bitter domination is foiled again!
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OMG…that poor kid who gets kissed. Girls are so evil! Look at what she did to him!!
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I’m pretty sure that is the reaction of every girl I attempted to kiss, except inside instead of outside like she did.
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You poor thing…
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yes, walls are never friendly
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In a competition between a wall and your face, usually walls never lose.
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