The Supermoon

/ bensbitterblog
What the experts "claim" the moon would look like.

What the experts “claimed” the moon would look like.

I spent most of the day Saturday out in the middle of nowhere Washington, at a family reunion.  It was at a Great Uncle or something’s house that had a sprawling 10-15 acres (I have no idea how big acres are.  Let’s just say it was a big yard.)  In the back, there was a wooded area where he put up a tarp, some tables, and we all brought food.  There was a slow cooker that was cooking up some meat and deserts were aplenty.  It was sunny out (miraculously it’s been like that for over a month here. Talk about global warming.) and I plunked down one of our camping chairs and ate some food until I was stuffed, then ate some more stuff until I was stuffed some more, then ate dessert, then some more dessert.  But what I did for most of the time I did what I do best. I was lazy, and complained bitterly.  I complained about how hot it was, and interupted others joyful stories of trips to South Korea, or school or how their summers were going to complain.  It was around 8:00 and it was time to leave.  I let the others clean up as I try to get away with most of the time, and we proceeded to find a way to swap our two kids that like to fight all the time, for one of our neices who is much older and doesn’t like to complain.  On our way home, I noticed the moon.  It was so close I could almost smell the processed cheese flavored scent coming from it.  I don’t know if it is because the US was the last one there, but it definitely smelled like American Cheese.

Jim Carrey did his best to pull it in.

Jim Carrey did his best to pull it in.

I made a comment about the size of the moon.  “If that isn’t a full moon, I don’t know what is.” I thought about taking a picture, but my phone camera is way inferior to my eye camera, because it doesn’t take near the pictures that my eyes do.  And we were moving.  It would have been out of focus or something, even though the mode I was in was Auto Focus.  I thought nothing of it, until that night when I was trying to watch something else and was interupted by the news.  It said something about a Super Moon, which I think means that Superman visited the moon that night and used his super breath to move it a little closer than normal.  Whatever the case, it finally got dark on Sunday, so we decided to take a stroll to see what the Super Moon looked like.

 

How the SuperMoon looked to me.

How the SuperMoon looked to me. Try not to look directly at it.

I guess what we needed to do was have Superman cut down all the trees in our neighborhood down, because the only view I could get of this “SuperMoon” was a little light cutting thorough the trees.  I’m no moon expert, but if a moon can’t cut through a few trees, I have a hard time thinking that it is anything but an ordinary moon. Especially when the day before, it was so close, it looked like it was going to land on our car.  So scientists and weather experts, don’t tell me that a something is a Super Moon, unless it is going to be spectacular.  It better do some flips, or shoot off fireworks, or at least cut some trees up in my neighborhood.  And it better be brighter than the sun, if it is going to be the Super Moon.

ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Moon Me Ben

26 thoughts on “The Supermoon”

  2. If it was so Super, where was its cape? Did it even save the world? No. I’m glad it went back to being a regular, old, ordinary moon. As a Super Moon, it was very disappointing. Now I’m all bitter…

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  8. Thanks Bitter Ben – I needed that! 🙂 Laughed out loud at – “Do not look directly at your super moon photo”. Gotta agree though, the size of the moon depends on where you see it. And apparently it was something like 21 times closer/bigger many moons ago; clearly visible shining away in the day time. Now That would have been a super moon!

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