Surprise!
I’m going to let you all in on a little secret. This one will probably take you a little time to process, but here goes. I’m Batman. Go ahead, gasp at your desk, or your phone or your Ipad. Okay, have you had a chance to breathe? Yes, I know it’s a little risky to tell you all this, but I’m doing it on this “Ben’s Bitter Blog” that some of you have been following for a quite a while. Let’s be honest, though. If I called it Bruce’s Bitter Blog you would probably mob this blog and crash the sight every time I put out a post. Because it is under the “disguise” of Ben’s Bitter Blog, it doesn’t exactly broadcast to the whole world. And think about this. If you all told people that you followed Batman on WordPress, they would all laugh in your face, so I’m pretty safe there. Besides, what do you think a billionaire like myself does in his spare time? I’m pretty much caged up “like a bat” (get it?) in my mansion all the time, because if I go outside during the day, I’ll be mobbed by adoring fans. And if I go out at night, I have to dress in my “night time costumes”.
Don’t believe me? Well consider this evidence why I am indisputably Batman.
1. I like the dark. I don’t get scared when someone turns off the lights.
2. I have a deep voice that kind of sounds gravelly. It was mostly because I had a cold and so you don’t mistake me with my real identity.
3. Ask my parents or my girlfriend Rachel Dawes. Oh wait, you can’t. But if you could they would tell you I’m Batman.
4. I hung upside down once. It really hurt and a lot of blood rushed to my head and I decided not to do it again after that, but that proves I am bat like in my body positioning.
So I gave up my secret.
5. I was in a cave once. It was dark and kind of cold(make sure you wear a jacket if you ever go caving) and all I had was a flashlight. I only got a little scared of the one tiny bat flying by in the distance. Cause I’m Batman.
6. Have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room at the same time? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Go ahead send me pictures if you have them.
7. I taught myself how to fight. I’ve been all around the house watching stuff on television and practicing my fighting moves on my son, and I almost always win. So maybe he beat me that one time, but I was trying to changing from my Batsuit to my casual clothes, and he attacked while I was facing the other way. He didn’t REALLY beat me.
Behold, some of my Batgear. The Batfan.
8. I’ve got all kinds of Batgear. I can show you if you ever come over. Just ignore the Toys R Us price tag on there. I’ll get that off as soon as I get my Bat Sticker Removal Glove at Target.
9. The car I drive to work is totally a disguise. Unfortunately, with the gas prices the way they are these days, I can’t exactly drive the Batmobile to work. It gets like 3 miles a gallon. And the manual locks and windows make me look “common” like the rest of you.
10. I’m really bitter. You’d be bitter if you were a billionaire and all these wierdos kept attacking you and your parents died when you were young. And Gotham kept thinking you were a villain.
11. I’m a mystery. Where do you think I go everyday for lunch for an hour? Do you really think I go to the library and write? Nope I’m out fighting high prices at department stores. Where do you think I go at 3:30 pm every day? I don’t get home until 4:30 pm. I’m fighting traffic.
Speaking of mystery, I have to go. I’m so busy doing stuff, that you may not hear anything from me for like 24 hours or so. Just get used to not seeing me whenever you feel like it. Right now I’m off to fight boredom. Cause I’m Batman!
ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Batman Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Pingback: Bitter Advice Thursday, Man(B.A.T.MAN) | Ben's Bitter Blog
I live in L.A. Anyone who fights traffic is a hero to me. You have me convinced. And your son totally cheated.
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He always does. Luckily the 200 pound advantage I have on him overcomes most of his cheating.
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Nice one!
And also, that’s a pretty batas* fan. Don’t you think?
Sorry for that. I had to get you back.
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That was a nice one. I don’t know if I would have thought of that one and I usually have all the puns locked down. Good on you for getting one on me.
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Thank you, thank you. XD
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Yurrr welcum.
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Okay you are batman. I will give you that. Now stop the Joker, bake the Penquin and romance Cat Woman with catnip.
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The joker cannot be stopped. He is my biggest nemesis, so he needs to stay alive or I will no longer be bitter.
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Does the Joker have a favorite expression. Like the joke is on you?
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Yeah he has a favorite expression. Laughter.
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I believe you because I’m Captain America
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Hello Cap. I’m glad we finally get to meet over the internet. So you figured out how to use the internet? Good job. Now it is time for you to figure out email.
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Poor poor bitter Batman! Your bitterness fills your time with indignations…How do you have the time to save the world? And the question that begs to be asked, why would a bitter Batman want to save the world?
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I’ve never had time to save the world. I leave that to Superman. I just work on Gotham, which as you noticed isn’t really around anymore. I just retired to Europe or something with Catwoman remember?
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i fell off the sofa..i think you eat pizza in your spare time.
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I guess Friday is my spare time.
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i guess it is, unless u are here, then thurs.
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It is Wednesday here, until it is Thursday.
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well it’s mishuginah day here. the last 2 comments don’t say i answered u. let’s see if this does
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I can’t remember what mishuginah means, but it sounds pretty bitter.
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And now it all becomes so bitterly clear. The real mystery is how we didn’t figure this out on our own, since it’s so obvious. You don’t happen to have a spare can of rat repellant on your utility belt, do you? Oh wait… you can’t reach it. You can NEVER reach your utility belt without Robin’s help. Poor bittter Batman…
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I’m the Bitter Old Batman that has other people do his work for him. I am just sitting around brooding about my dead parents and dead girlfriends.
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So yesterday you were being cast as a dot in a pax man game. (Or something like that) and today you’re Batman?…sounds highly suspicious. I do like the fan though.
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I have all kinds of identities. Most of them wouldn’t make any sense to realistic people such as yourself.
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What makes you think I’m realistic?
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The fact that you haven’t tried to quit this realm and move onto the Bitter Realm I’m in.
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The only problem with that Bitter Bat Man is that you’re gonna have to be getting off the couch constantly to answer all those annoying emergency calls. It’s going to cut into your tv watching and video playing time. You’re going to have to act up-beat and heroic in front of the cameras too. You might want to consider delegating Bat Boy to be your PR representative, lol.
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I will just be the version of Batman that is in the last one, where he stopped appearing and walked around with a cane. Except the whole un retiring part.
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If you’re batman, I’m batgirl—and believe me when I tell you this; you don’t want to see me in spandex. 🙂
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I couldn’t even fit into the batsuit. Had to get it altered.
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What, no man-girdle?
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I could really use one (or more of those). Perhaps for Christmas this year if I haven’t made Santa too bitter? Uh..I guess I’m not getting one.
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Ummm…. You most certainly are not Batman, because I’m Batman. Sorry, I came out of the closet long before you. Now you can be bitter-not-batman.
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Well, I don’t remember seeing you in the Batcave or fighting crime with me in Gotham. Besides you look a little more like Catwoman than Batman.
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Really.
You got up, put on the bat suit you had to let out, got in the batmobile, and then drove all over Gotham looking for crime, and then fought said crime… All this during the precious hours you had off work? You didn’t once sit on the couch and watch crappy TV?
Let’s call a spade a spade, here, Bitter not-Batman
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As you know I fought crime a while ago. When the Joker and Bane were around. Now I leave to that one guy while I go to Europe and date that stupid catwoman. Okay, you caught me. I could never date a cat. They make me bitter and they shed. Oh sorry are you a cat. Yeah, well I’m a bat. Things just couldn’t work out.
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Did we just have a relationship of which I was unaware, during which time you decided that my fur made you bitter because I shed on your couch? I’m calling Alfred, he’ll sort this out.
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Any cat that sheds on my couch makes me bitter. Do you happen to know someone named Catwoman? I think we need to talk to Alfred about this too.
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No surprise to me (and doubt anyone else). Always knew you were batty!
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And today’s post proves it. You should at least have figured out that I have a dark side.
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Well I’m utterly jealous. Not because I want to be BAtman. My goals arent’ that lofty. I want to be Dracula, or at least SOMETYPE of vampire. Barnabus Jones was my hero growing up, and I even briefly wanted a coffin to sleep in. I want a BAT fan like you show here!….I suppose I could fashion one with a bandsaw and a sander. Oh heck!!! What’s the use!! I cant feel the bat fan down inside the coffin anyway!
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I’m afraid I couldn’t be Drac, because I have a huge fear of being in tight spaces and you know who sleep in a coffin? Not this guy! I wasn’t born in the dark, but I adapted to it.
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