Because you were busy getting your garage sold.
It’s that time of year when you allow those annoying people that you can’t stand(other people) to invade your yard and pay to take the crap that you are trying to get rid of. While you do get a little bit of money (let me stress a little), the trade off is that you have to be outside (and the aforementioned being near other people). Things start out innocent enough. Loading 14-100 bins of garbage from your house, shed and garage only take 8-12 weeks to organize. Then on a Saturday at 6 am when you feel the most coherent and willing to work, you get up earlier than you would on a work day and organize some more boxes. Then, stupid people that just happen to be out walking their dogs at 7 am that can’t read a sign that says 9 am – 4 pm, start going through your stuff. It is my favorite thing, trying to pretend that “It’s fine go ahead and ignore the sign. Look through our stuff and give us a check for 2 dollars.” After the 15,888 steps I took (about 15,000 more than I normally take on a Saturday), we finally ended the sale, and then the real work began. How to get rid of the rest of the stuff that even the non discriminating garage sale people wouldn’t take. I felt about the same as that junk. After eating food at an organtic(not organic) restaurant that allowed bugs to eat its food, I slumped down in the lovesack to enjoy my nightly heartburn, vowing to never do work on a Saturday again. So you didn’t miss much except….
This post that I did last week about not wanting to be around anymore. I couldn’t take being on the earth anymore because it is so exhausting (what with all the talking to people and having to do garage sales and such) so I defected. I decided to go to another realm. It wasn’t pretty and I was having a little trouble getting in and then I ran out of time so I wasn’t able to complete it. So I did what all writer’s do when they don’t know the ending. (Pretended that there was a part two in The Bitter Realm Part 1.)
Then just cause I was just not feeling it on Friday, and because I had hit the wall, I decided to do Giftures about people hitting the wall. You know, cause I’m pretty predictable as most people that know me can attest, the Giftures were about people hitting the wall. Got it?
Then I may have done a few twitters about completely irrelevant topics that no one cared about.
There were bitter comments about posts that I did last week:
The Bitter Realm Part 1:
“I’m really, really, deeply not-good at video games where you have to do stuff in any particular time in order to survive. If you’d like some help being in Roller Coaster Tycoon I’m pretty good at that, though, and I’ve been getting into building side-friction roller coasters (a kind from before 1920, when they invented the “upstop wheels”, so these ones kind of do fly off the tracks, but they drop right back down onto them again).” Joseph Nebus
“This is so creative… I was bummed when it ended! When can I expect part 2? 🙂” – Properly Ridiculous
On Hitting the Wall Friday:
“That first GIF is just so beyond awesomely hilarious! I can’t even find good words for it… 😀 Have a nice weekend! 🙂” Lvital7019
“That dang wall should’ve had his back. Just can’t count on anything these days, can you?” Kaela Moore
And then for you people that are more modern like, I have I new technology called moving pictures.
These Giftures go out to the the people that think they can have it all.
You can’t.
and…
…you will only end up doing face palm after face palm.
And you thought I was done and…you are wrong. Three things before you are done reading.
I am the king of bitterly pimping out my blog. I will tell strangers at garage sales, long lost aquaintances that I don’t want to be aquaintences anymore and other bloggers. Other people have bravely recognized that (in other words they are quite smart at recognizing the obvious) and have asked me to promote them on my blog, which I am bitter to do. They should just know that they are being promoted to a bitter audience. Suckers!
First, I just wanted to introduce you to a blogger that is pretty new to the scene, but pretty bitter in her wit and sarcasm and wanted to get some new likes on her Facebook. So go to Fits of Wit’s Facebook Page, and give her a bitter like or 2.
Second, normally I get comments that are pretty bitter, which I appreciate and help me realize how bad my posts are but this week one stood out like no other. This one took the the time to respond to my post Bitter Realm Part 1 in a poem. You might know, I’m not a poet, but this one was pretty epically bitter:
“Oh Bitter Ben, you are such a muse
In the wrong line with so many clues
Your villainy should have been your first tip
Without having to listen to any Hero’s lip
The realm you are in is must be your real home
Only coming to Earth when needing to roam
To spread your bitterness both far and wide
With no place for any of us innocents to hide
So return to your realm or try a new game
To stay with the heroes seems rather lame
A sword and a shield will only confuse
And if you’re not careful, will cause you to lose ©
May the Bitter Force Be With You! ” – Snow
If I gave out an award for comment of the year, so far this would be one of the comments made this year.
Last, I have a blogger friend C. Miller that is releasing her second book tomorrow, Elude, which is the second in the four part series. Before you read that one, make sure you check out Reave, the first book. I really liked the first and I’m told the second is even better.
Now, go off and be bitter for another week and I will see if I can find more things for you to be bitter about.
Arrrggghhhh
Bitter Garagey Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Thanks Bitter Ben. You’re the best and by best I mean worst.
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I am pretty bitter that I had to do it, but I found a way. I’m sure that you got at least negative four new followers. That’s the power of bitter.
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It’s true – you are a bitter reminder! You remind me to a million nasty boxes in my basement which should be sold at flea market. 4 palms are not enougth! Arrrrrr
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A flea market would be hard because you have to move all your crap to another place then haul it all back. I’d rather do a garage sale and just leave all the crap outside.
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I’m with you on garage sale hate…. some guy turned up at my garage before the sign even went up and tried to walk off with our lawn mower. It was NOT for sale.
Wait… maybe he was just ripping us off. Which fit right in with everybody else that came to the garage sale and ripped us off. Mark a $90 carafe at $5 and they’ll try and talk you down to $1. Seriously, people? That’s Royal Doulton… Idiots.
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Some people ripped us off and didn’t pay us what things were worth, but I didn’t care, just as long as they took our crap to their houses.
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Hello, GARAGEY, Ben! First of all, you’re doing the yard sale thing all wrong! I started having my own yard sales when I was 9 (with Mom hovering over me). You don’t get up at 6 a.m. on a Saturday! No, No, No…you take Friday off from work, and if you’re actually doing said sale in your garage, you remove your vehicle or vehicles from the garage on Wednesday night. And you start hauling and organizing all your crap then and finish organizing your crap on Thursday night. Then, Friday morning, you put up signs and/or put price tags on things, and then,open the garage door AT NINE A.M..
You simply ignore the idiots who wander into your yard or actually knock upon your door before 9 a.m. No, I’m not kidding. I’ve done this so many times in the last 12 years – that people KNOW I’m not opening the damned door one minute before 9 a.m. And trust me, all those early birds just dying to take a gander at your toaster oven and your kids old roller blades, etc., WILL WAIT, or they’ll come back. However, I’ve had the last 4/5 sales on the porch, and my husband and I haul everything down to the living room beforehand- and then I start dragging it outside around 8:30 a.m. I have, occasionally, sold an item or 2 before 9, but I’m not exactly helpful or chipper until 9 0’CLOCK sharp and pretty much still ignore anyone nosing around before the appointed time.
When I had an estate sale after my dad died in 2009, my reputation had not preceded me across state lines, and there were at least 17 standing on the front porch waiting for me to open the door by about 8:00. And I could hear them grousing and chatting curiously about why the hell the sale hadn’t started yet because most of them had arrived around 7 a.m. I just smiled and kept putting prices on the furniture, etc., but I knew this would happen because they really go bonkers at Estate Sales especially in WV where everyone is so poor (where I grew up). When they rang the bell at 8:45, I was finishing my breakfast…and, yes, I just let them wait…:). And I made $800 that day.
And people were absolutely insane. I had one woman who came up to me with a basket full of my toiletries – wanting to buy them for $2.00, LOL. Um, no, I kinda needed that almost empty tube of toothpaste, my half empty jar of Mary Kay night cream, and my travel shampoo/conditioner, etc., so I had to make a mad dash to the bathroom to toss all my stuff in my suitcase, which I hid in a locked closet.
Then, there was the guy who tried to convince me in his very thick Spanish accent that he had not stolen any dirt…:). Um, yeah, he found a half a bag of potting soil in the basement, which is where Mom kept stuff like that in the winter. And I, being the kind person that I am – just gave the man the rest of the dirt, LOL.
Anywho…so if you have the yard sale on Friday and Saturday like we do here in Ohio…then, everything is all set up for you on Saturday morning, and in the case of the porch/yard sale – I merely bring the expensive stuff like brand new shoes in the box or new DVDs and such inside and leave the rest outside. If they steal what’s left of my mother’s clothes and other worthless junk, have AT IT…
As for what’s left, a lot of charitable organizations like Goodwill or the National Kidney Foundation will come to your house and gladly take your useless junk away. After my Mom died, the Salvation Army hauled away 22 boxes of her knick knacks and clothes, etc.
And that, Bitter Ben, is how one conducts a less than bitter garage/yard sale! I only made around $200 on my last yard sale this past May, but now there’s a little more room in my closet…:)
~Ciao!
TB
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You should probably know that I don’t run the garage sale, I just set up, sell, and take down. You know the wife is the orchistrator. I’m the bow that does the work. And it was unseasonably hot for this time of year for us.
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Gotcha…
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Firstly, moving pictures. Enough said there. XD
I went and gave your friend’s FB page a like.
And thank you for mentioning the book on here. That was super awesome of you. 🙂
(How did you manage to say it was better and not bitter??)
I really liked the poem, by the way. 😀
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Of course, the book will be epic. Now that it is on Amazon, I’m going to a link to the new book. That was a cool poem huh?
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Haha, I don’t know about that word.
But yes, it was a cool poem. 🙂
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I’m patiently awaiting the book. So how does it work anyways? Do you send them personally or do you send stuff to Amazon and they send them? I have a lot of questions about self publishing that I need to know…I’m gonna be asking you if I ever decide to do it.
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Are you asking what happens when people place orders for print copies?
They’re print-on-demand. Someone orders a copy, they print a copy. Pretty neat stuff.
I’d be more than happy to answer any questions you have about it that I possibly can. It can get pretty crazy sometimes, or at least feels that way.
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That sounds awesome. By the way, I finally got my copy shipping. I will be getting it next week when I go back to work. (Don’t think I’m ever going to go into work when I’m off. I can be patient.) By the way, any reviews coming in yet or too soon? It will take me a while to get it finished and then I will give my review. It will be honest, so don’t go thinking I will hold back just because we are friends. Though I have all the faith in the world that it is awesome.
I’ll probably have more questions when the time comes. (When I’m really old, at this rate.)
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I had two reviews on Amazon and GoodReads that went up the day the book was up. I’ve had different people post a new one on each. (So there are three reviews on each, but the third on each of the sites are by different people.)
LoL, I wouldn’t expect you to hold back on the review because we’re friends.
By the way, you never answered the question I asked you forever ago about the amount of comments I’d left on your blog. Just sayin’…
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Sounds like you are doing some good groundwork on getting reviews out before the book even went out. I know they were all pretty positive. You’ve really only had 1 bad one right? That is pretty awesome.
Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure if this book is anything like the last one, I’m going to have to give it a positive review. Dang you and your good writing skills!
Right. I tried to dodge that one, but couldn’t get it by you. You are actually number 2. But like I said, you are my fave. And your responses are much longer and much more in depth. And she has been around about a year longer.
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I’m working on getting more reviews. It’s really not fun trying to find reviewers. Even less fun contacting them. (Sets off my anxiety SO badly.) But I’ve made a friend from doing it already and that’s cool. 🙂
I guess ‘bad review’ would depend on what your idea of a bad review is. I’ve never had a badly-rated review, but I know you remember THE ONE. I’ve had two three-star ratings on GoodReads, but that usually means ‘it was okay’ on that site, opposed to on Amazon it meaning, ‘No.’ LoL. (Took me a long time to really ACCEPT that three-stars were okay on there.)
I’ve been really surprised about all the positivity in the reviews, to be honest. I know that bad one is going to come one day (like I told you about before), and I’m dreading it. But I’ve been expecting it for so long that I have to wonder if it will really faze me too much. I expected to get only bad reviews, to be honest. haha
LOL. I am not upset about someone else having more comments on your blog than me. I was just wondering, with how much commenting we do. Then again, we typically do a lot of long commenting. I’d probably have triple the number I do if we kept it to a few sentences per comment. And as long as I’m your favorite . . . totally fine. haha
It’s pretty impressive when it takes me a month to comment back.
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