Some people think the Fourth of July (or Independence Day as some people call it) is all about independence or picnic baskets with egg salad and red, white and blue Cheetos, but they are wrong because that is an opinion and only my opinion is right. So I know you are on pins and needles, waiting to find out what it is all about. Well, wait no longer. It is about fireworks. And do you know why fireworks are the reason for the season? Nope, not for the pretty colors, or the fancy shapes the expensive ones make in the sky, but the explosions. Explosions are the only reason why any movie is good and the only reason cars are made. Sure cars have the obligation to drive their human people around for a time, but that is just their career. Their real dream is to be a car in a movie or other kind of situation where it gets to combine all these dangerous chemicals together and explode in blaze of fire work heaven. So, who (besides cars), is ready for some explosive giftures?
Set the timer for 45 minutes…
…and watch the explosion magic.
With a little slight of hand…
…you can make(I mean be) history.
Do an epic stunt…
…and watch your instagram blow up.
What happens when you mix Mentos…
….and Diet Coke? Magic explosions bro.
You better make sure you aren’t behind me..
…if Beiber ever accidentally gets on my Ipod. Say goodbye to Antarctica.
Things are getting hot in herr..
…sword of.
Hey look! It’s the Loch Ness Monster…
…uhhhhh…nope never mind that wasn’t him.
When lighting off those fireworks, don’t mess…
…with the Mighty Morphin Park Rangers.
This one looks like a really fun and exciting way to blow something up…
…but this is a pretty tired explosion.
Who is tougher?
An NFL Defensive line?
or…
Or an NHL Face Off?
The winner?
Chuck.
Have an explosive 4th. May your phone blow up with calls, may your party favors backfire, may your fireworks be duds.
ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Blown up Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
It’s amazing how a little explosion makes everything better. Why aren’t more things in my life more spontaneously combustable?
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That is why I love video games. It gives me a chance to blow things up a lot and take out my aggression on something not so real.
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I blew a sparkler up in the palm of my hand a few years back – The fourth of July has never been the same. Safety Tip: Regardless how much trouble you are having lighting a sparkler…DO NOT hold in upside down while lighting it.
I wish my car would blow up. For real.
…(Unoccupied of course…)
…………(Unless I could choose like…ANYONE……….)
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We had a car that we kept hoping would get stolen too. Or totaled. Then we would have been able to get our dream car. You know a totally awesome car that has manual locks and windows and that had totally bald tires and only 150,000 miles so we could be in the car repair station all the time.
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That was pretty explosive, and I am charred already, though I am far away in India!
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So sorry about your charring. I hope you recover quickly.
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Picking up the pieces!
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Well burn safely!
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Thank You kindly! Shall try. 🙂
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My heart was booming with so much pride in your explosive work, it almost burst.
Happy July 4th, Ben.
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My bitter heart almost bursts every day. If it wasn’t for antacid, it would have been blown up long ago.
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Stop dipping your bitter toes into my twisted pool!
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I’m gonna just gonna put some bitter fruit juice in your pool and mess it all up.
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Then I am going to wait for you in the bitter parking lot. Prepare to be bitterly bipolar beaten!
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At the flagpole at three oclock? Cool who’s fighting?
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This post is so punny, it blew my mind.
Ha. Haha.
I hope you have a bitter 4th, Ben!
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You would not believe how hard it was to come up with all those puns. I spent my 4th with my friends T and T. Ha ha not funny…
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i would not desire a red white & blue cheeto
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if they blow up they can be whatever color they want.
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well if they’re gonna blow up, i like those colors
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i thought you didn’t want red white and blue.
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yes i do not want to EAT r w & b cheetos.that sounds awful, but if they are fireworks i would like them.
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as long as they tasted like they should I’ll take em in any color.
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i would need a blindfold
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I can find you a grocery sack to cover your eyes.
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like the gong show?
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There was a guy in a movie that did that too.
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he’s the same guy who makes my computer jump back to the top of the page every time i try to read something in the reader? WHY is it doing that?
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Apparently, WordPress guy is messing with my page. Perhaps they don’t like a blog that is so bitter.
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oh it’s a wordpress guy. can we fire him
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Yep, he keeps messing with my stats.
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can we mess with his stats
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If they don’t stop messing with ours.
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okay,someone said that wordpress gave them money for a percentage of their ads ? do u know what i mean?
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I heard if you had enough followers, you get a percentage.
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you aren’t joking? have 1000 +. you have 2 million
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I heard you have to have at least 30,000. I only have 5000. And most of them are spambots.
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30,000…who has 30,000..that’s math.irobots
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People that are popular and make lots of money from their blogs.
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I’ve accidentally set my house on fire 4 times. YAY EXPLOSIONS!!!
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So what you are saying is they were all accidents? I kind of doubt that…I would have at least tried to do it on purpose at least once.
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Well…I guess I’m just really sloppy with my lighter fluid??
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It does take three things to make a fire(oxygen, heat and fuel). You must have all three of them in abundance at your house.
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Just curious… were you born bitter or did someone or something make you bitter? I can’t say I don’t enjoy your posts. In fact, I love them. But I truly hope you aren’t always bitter. Everyone deserves some sort of happiness in their lives… SO for today, I wish you LOTS of explosions (a safe distance away), Red and Blue cupcakes that stain your face around your mouth, and a smile, knowing that even though you seem a tad angry, there are quite a few of us you make do the same. Happy 4th. No matter what your definition. 🙂
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My origins of bitterness do trace back to my birth, so yes I was born with it. But it also is something I worked really hard to cultivate, so it is a combination of both being brought together with just the right mix to make me the bitter man I am today.
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Well, I still hope you find some type of happiness. It feels good!!
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I’m sure I might be happy sometimes in really life, but Bitter Ben, he’s always bitter.
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It’s F’ing raining due to an F’ing hurricane. I’m stuck in the house with my F’ing kids who think we can magically go to the state fair and the fireworks anyhow. I’m feeling bitter, Ben.
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I would be feeling bitter too. We had rain on the 4th, but in Seattle, that is pretty much a given. The worst part is having to deal with the kids in your house though. Mine too.
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“but they are wrong because that is an opinion and only my opinion is right”
That’s been my motto since I was 2 years old. Great line, too obviously.
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It’s pretty sad that someone who has such ludicrous opinions like mine are right all time. Good thing I don’t ever deal with facts.
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Facts are overrated.
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And totally not necessary.
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Ya know… Because of the three day weekend I kept thinking yesterday was Friday, which made me keep looking for your Friday Giftures post. Don’t you hate when that happens?
Have a bitter 4th.
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I thought about doing Thursday Giftures to appease the one or two that read it, but then I thought that it would have thrown me off. If it makes you feel any better, I wrote it all up on Thursday, then released it on Friday.
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I feel safe in the USA today because of Pac Norris.
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As long as you are on the good side of Chuck’s USA.
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