Hey Bitter human people (and the rest of you..). It freaking Friday and it is time to start acting like a freaking jerk. (So like I act every day. I have a few suggestions in case you need some.) Be mean to your neighbors, slow down significantly in in fast lane on the freeway, buy day old doughnuts and sell them and hour old doughnuts, take cuts in line, tell your kids that school starts tomorrow, follow someone’s blog then never like or comment on their blog. Buy a one way airplane ticket for someone you dislike to Antartica, send someone an email filled with viruses, get someone’s credit card number and go online and buy $800 worth of My Little Ponies and send it to that guy’s girlfriend with a note that says, “I wanted to ask you to marry me and instead of getting you a ring, I got you $800 worth of My Little Ponies, because I love you that little. I got a ring, but it was for my mom.” Or if you don’t like any of my ideas, you can do the following:
Be a jerk…
Be a jerk…
Be a jerk…
Be a jerk…
Be a jerk…
Be a jerk…
Be a jerk..
Be a jerk…
Be a jerk…
Be a jerk…
Be a jerk…
And finally, be a jerk…
Like I’m gonna be wrapping this thing up. Cause I’ve being a jerk to others to do right now and I’ve got no time for you fools. Now, get out there and be a jerk. You know, like you are all the time.
ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH
Bitter Jerk Ben
The Cheetos Dude, I’m not even sure he realized the deep freeze of female ire he sank himself into. I mean, it was priceless how nonchalant he pulled that bag over her shoulder, no eye contact, smooth. But the look she gave him. Oh brother, he may a lonely fellow for a long time to come. Yeah. Very bitter Ben. Good one.
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I learned a long time ago, not to mess with a girl like that. He will be visiting the Cold Shoulder part of my ecosystem soon(my post from yesterday).
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The desk guy was THIS close to actually saving himself!
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And yet he didn’t so haha!
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I’d be the guy with the duct tape in the last one; who knows how long that couple would have sat there chewing each others faces otherwise?
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I would love to be that guy. I need to start carrying around duct tape with me just in case something like that appears.
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Ha! I have no intention of commenting!
No…wait….
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I totally ruined your day. I’m always glad to help in ruining people’s days.
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I’m every day a jerk. For jerk-friday I’d appreciate a boost ..
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I’m always glad to give you a boost.
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Hilarious, thanks for making my lunch break end on a good note!
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Wow that makes me pretty bitter that it is already lunch time for you. It’s only 8:55 here. UGGGGHH!
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Runway tripping is always funny, but helping someone find the floor by pulling a chair from underneath them is too dangerous to be funny.
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Tripping is the bomb diggity. It’s all fun and games till someone gets hurt right?
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I ate a Turkey Sandwich that was named “Sally” yesterday out of the work fridge… 🙂
That guy took pulling a chair out from under someone to a whole new level and I commend him for that. I mean…He had to risk not being able to get it out – and in turn kinda looking like a total weirdo. I also applaud the guys effort to stay put – Really – I would not have put forth that much effort.
TURN UP FOR WHAT!? (I think she enjoyed that).
The last one made me bust out in laughter – making it obvious that I was not doing the mundane work in my office – thanks for that, you jerk.
Happy Bitterest of Fridays to YOU, sir.
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That is funny. We had a sign on our fridge that said someone ate a sandwich named Kevin. That joke never gets old.
I think in the end, the guy that got the chair pulled out won that one. He almost pulled it out and he was clearly at a disadvantage. Reminds me of the US goalie yesterday. He saved so many but in the end his team failed him.
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I’m up for eating someone’s dessert. No wait, I’ll eat ALL the dessert!
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I’d definitely prefer the dessert over the desert.
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I think someone needs a hug…
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I think it will take more that a hug to make me not bitter. 🙂
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Yikes 😉
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Don’t worry I was born this way. 🙂
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Impossible! Am not buying it.
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No way. Whatever it is that you said was impossible is certainly not. Everything else is maybe, but not that thing that you asked about.
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I think my blood pressure started to rise when you put going slow in the fast lane. That eating dessert gif is hilarious…and hits pretty close to home…
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Sorry about your blood pressure. I knew that would annoy someone. I tried to find something for everyone.
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