In case missed it…because you were busy ruining your knees at your Father Daughter Dance

/ bensbitterblog
Because you were busy getting your knees wrecked.

Because you were busy getting your knees wrecked.

They are only knees right? It’s not like I kneed them for laying down on the couch, or sitting at work or anything. Might as well dance like an idiot in front of my daughter, her friends, and their dads right? And who doesn’t want to listen to music you haven’t hear since you were in diapers (or before for most of you).  There was Crystal Light and cookies that formed the most perfectly hideous taste together, and glowsticks as the worst sort of light ever.  There was the photos of an old sweaty guy embarassing his daughter, soon to be put on Facebook for none of the world to see. Yep, totally not worth it.

So while you were out ruining your knees, or other non important things like you backs or brains, I put out a few non important posts.  Such as the genius post like Spurs NBA Champ Bitterness.  Sure they won the championship, but they lost a bunch of games too.  If I would have lost that many, I would have been kicked out of school.  At least they get punished by making millions of dollars and getting a 3 month summer vacation.

I say a lot of stupid and bitter things and a lot of people want to hurt me.  Luckily I have a Stunt Double.  Unluckily, my stunt double makes me do his stunts.  Like for instance, ruining my knees at a dance.  Find out what else my stunt double made me do in Stunt Double Bitterness.

In a movie that needed more stunts than a Hollywood Action Movie, uh Fast and Furious 6 (which is a Hollywood Action Movie) used the motto Ride or Die.  I don’t think of those as mutually exclusive, but in their small world, I guess it is the only choice.  Let’s just hope my next commute doesn’t produce that choice between riding and dying.  Find out more on Ride or Die Friday Giftures.

Tweets came faster than a Hollywood Blockbuster, uh, I mean a car in a race in a Hollywood Blockbuster (don’t be jealous of my fancy metaphors or similies or whatever those things are).

It would be nice if your boss would give you a courtesy call before stopping by your cubicle and so rudely interrupting your web browsing.

 ·  Jun 11

I just bought an 11 oz. bottle of Lemonade for $1.99. The only thing that is more irritating than getting charged that much is my stupidity.

 ·  Jun 11

I think when a song needs to censor a bad word in a song on the radio, they should just use annoying co-worker voice to cover it.

Then there were way more clever comments to way not clever posts.

On Spurs Champ Bitterness:

“My problem is I grew up in New Jersey, so who was I going to root for, the Nets? Or someone playing professional basketball?” Joseph Nebus

“Wow. With this, I actually read about sports. It’s the first time. And I’m not bitter about it.” Gunmetal Geisha

“LOVED this.
Mostly because of them never listening to you. I feel you there. I can’t tell you how often I throw my hands up (when watching my Cats) and shout, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
And money trees, haha. Pretty much.” C. Miller

On Bitter Stunt Double:

“A bitterly terrible space-filler of a post. I now feel relieved… oops… sorry, I’ll mop that up. Some of us can’t afford the luxury of a stunt double, some of us have to do everything ourselves… tsk! 😉” Ishaiya

“I was reading along, smiling, chuckling, enjoying, UNTIL I came to your sentence: ‘Joan River’s will mock and taunt and squeak in some high pitched tone that only the devil understands’ and I spewed tea all over my desk. Dang you crack me UP! Thanks for ruining my keyboard.” longchaps2

“Thank you for further helping me procrastinate by killing time in reading your post.” Sarah

On Ride or Die Friday Giftures:

“Hahahaha! The grocery cart olympic guy is 100% just going to walk away. Smooth. So smooth.” Kaela Moore

“I’m bitter that all my wheelbarrow race partners were not this good. I’m also bitter about the way that woman was cooking the salmon; she was totally ruining it even before she threw it out the window. Wasted food makes my bitterness bitter….” Morichansgarden

“Do they sell that pillow case? I need one. Three, I mean.” Kerbey

And finally…your favorite of my posts…Ignoring all the words and seeing BITTER GIFS….

Someone worse at using a tape measure than me.

Someone worse at using a tape measure than me.

What's a laptop? You just type random things like this to get viruses right?

What’s a laptop? You just type random things like this to get viruses right?

ARRRRGGGHHH

Bitter Kneading Ben

23 thoughts on “In case missed it…because you were busy ruining your knees at your Father Daughter Dance”

  3. I can only imagine the disgusting taste of that Crystal Light/cookie combination. Kind of like drinking Gatorade and eating . . . well, ANYTHING. (Gatorade + Cheez-Its is the most horrible thing in the entire world, and that’s only a bit of an exaggeration.)

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    • Amazingly I found a decent combination this morning that I never expected to work. I combined a celery stick with a blueberry and it was actually kinda good. It took the bland taste of celery and gave it a bit of sweetness along with taming down the sweetness of the blueberry. I felt like Remy from Rattatoie.
      The dance was actually pretty fun, even though the drink/cookie combo was no good. I did a selfie with my daughter I need to text you.

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      • That sounds . . . disgusting. :/
        I mean, I can see what you’re saying, that one would maybe sort of compliment the other. But I don’t like blueberries OR celery. I like the taste of blueberries, I suppose, but the consistency is just off-putting to me. And I don’t like celery in general.
        Is that going to be your new go-to snack?

        Yes, please do text me that photo at some point. 😀

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