It is again that time of year when I get to celebrate all the people asking me stupid questions like, “What are you going to do today?” and “What kind of cake do you want?” and “What presents did you get?” and “How can I annoy you the most today on the day that you want to be annoyed the least?”. “How can I make the day that you used to look forward to be the day you dread the most?”. “What cheesy phrase can I spit out from my arsenal of cheesy phrases that will make you groan the most?” I have several other questions that I just can’t wait to hear, but I’m hoping that you are smart enough to figure out the point by now. If not, I have a super deep hole you can jump in that will help you figure it out quite easily. As you know, I have a lot of things to be bitter about this year, but there’s something about this time of year that makes me want to reveal 41 things that make me bitter. So here goes:
1. Llamas. How is it that they are any different than alpacas? And any animal that is famous for spitting is bitter in my book.
2. Railroad signs.
3. Crowds. Cause other people.
4. Tree buds. Yeah more trees on the way.
5. Empty Pizza Boxes. So pointless!
6. Fone callz. Cause phone calls are bad enough.
7. Clowns.
8. Bags (under my eye).
9. Hair. It is everywhere except where I want it and costs money to remove.
10. Clocks. Cause ain’t nobody got time for that.
11. Flowers. They would be even worse if I were allergic to them.
12. Las Vegas. Cause every casino doesn’t look exactly the same inside.
13. Pictures of Sunsets. How do you know they aren’t sunrises?
14. Pillows on couches. When I have to throw 15 off the couch just to sit down, there might be too many.
15. Fingernails. They only protect the upper part of my fingers.
16. Toenails. They don’t protect my toes at all.
17. Emoji’s. Still not a good one for bitter.
18. Candles. Too much of a middleman.
19. Plates. The splinter’s from them breaking aren’t hurting enough people’s feet.
20. Gloves with cut off fingers. Because why again?
21. Expensive sunglasses. Because I want them, but always lose them.
22. Flat tires. Because I got one at the worst time and I had to change it.
23. Wi-fi. Because it only works when I’m working on Word.
24. Bottlecaps. Soda blocker.
25. Cords. In order to have cordless things there always needs to be cords. What?
26. Tulips. Shouldn’t one be enough?
27. Sneezing. So I’m not allowed to open my eyes while sneezing just once?
28. Pants. Getting in the way of comfort since they were invented.
29. Skulls. Blocking my idiotic statements from getting out since 1973.
30. Rubik’s Cube. I guess Rubik was tired of trying to figure it out, so he sold his cube to see if someone else could figure it out.
31. Bitcoins. Because fake Monopoly money isn’t enough fake money.
32. Splinters. Who knew something so small could not only burrow itself so deeply into the skin, but irritate so completely.
33. Bowling. Because it is possible for a little kid to beat a grown adult by accident.
34. School. Math? Science? Why?
35. Taffy. So much work to eat.
36. Bologna. Because blogs don’t taste like meat.
37. Scissors. Why can’t I run with them?
38. Lungs. They should store more so I can at least walk up some stairs without breathing heavily.
39. Convenience stores. What is convenient about paying 20 dollars for a hot dog that is spinning on some metal conveyer belt?
40. Facts. Because who needs them when you are in the middle of an argument?
41. Spots. Cause my eyes, and dogs and shirts don’t need them.
Enough of these shenanigans. I’m off to celebrate by getting annoyed by everyone and their stupid questions like, “So what was Moses like?” and “What was there before dirt?” jokes. I can’t wait.
If you need even more reasons to be bitter, check out last year’s 40 reasons to be bitter.
ARRRRRGGGGHHHH
Bitter Birthday Ben
Oh my goodness! This is great. You are funny. I agree with you about taffy. What’s the friggin’ deal? Is it a gum, a food or just something that pulls our fillings out? Good times.
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Yeah, I’ m all about the good times. I actually do a list every year, because obviously, I get more bitter each year.
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I agree with pants.
Squirrels: they try my patience and love of wildlife.
Grocery store fruit: it’s never ripe.and doesn’t ripen.
Mobile phones and laptops: designed to break down after a year or so
Halloween: could be fun, instead it’s boring cuz no one has an imagination anymore
The price of bell peppers.
Crumbs on the carpet.
Smokers who unlike me, can’t be bothered to throw their butts in the very near trashcan.
People who preach at smokers.
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Pants are the worst. Sadly it seems we have to wear them most of the time.
Those could possibly be used for my next birthday, which will be 45 things to be bitter about.
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I agree with # 28. Surely there’s a better way to keep our legs warm. Unfortunately they’ve outlawed Snuggies at my office.
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Have they outlawed blankets? Cause a lot of people that get cold at our office bring in blankets. Fortunately for me, I’m a warm body, so I don’t usually need a blanket.
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I am not going to say hello, because a nod is enough. So, me and my boyfriend smiled a bit at no. 13 and decided to play a game of guessing. Guess what? We actually made mistakes, and I am bitter at you now because we were wrong… All jokes aside, it turns out it was pure luck when we were right, and that it is difficult to decide, so with only one line of words you gave us 20 minutes of fun and a great new game to confuse and bitter-up our friends. Bitter thanks.
😉
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Wow, that totally brings me back to a long time ago. That was three years ago and somehow one little point on the 41 points I wrote about made you and your boyfriend think and stuff. That is pretty amazing. Glad to see I could create a bitter game for you and your friends. The whole purpose of this blog.
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We’re glad we made you glad! 😀
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Great blog! Thank you for bitterly existing. Or existing bitterly. Whatever. But trees? really?
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I do bitter exist and exist bitterly both. I’ve had a long standing feud with trees. Every fall, they drop leaves everywhere and expect you to pick them up. I leave a wrapper on the ground and I get fined $500. They fall on our power lines and cause power outages, steal all our carbon monoxide, etc. I could go on….
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Bitterly accepted. But I still love trees and don’t want to be bitter about fall, not yet anyway. From where I live the falling of leaves happen all year round and all year round typhoons break their branches or uproots the whole tree destroying people’s houses, kill people and fall on power lines as well. Leaves clog our streets and floods build up. The carbon monoxide thing is at least beneficial, we steal their oxygen too. I know I still need to work on my bitterness. So there.
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Well, I appreciate your effort on trying to be bitter about trees. It is isn’t easy being bitter when you haven’t been that way your whole life like me. But if you work hard, you may someday be a bitter person.
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Better work on my list first. Will need to look for something other than trees — that’s already in your area of specialty, (along with 40 more). And bitterness never killed anybody…as the song goes, what doesn’t kill you makes you (stronger?, nope) more bitter.
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Yeah, what doesn’t kill me does make me more bitter. And stronger at being bitter.
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this is a great blog
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It’s definitely a bitter blog. And great at being bitter.
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And who isn’t bitter, right?
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Exactly. There are people that admit to being bitter like me, and then there are people that pretend they aren’t but are. We are just the kind of people that are honest about our bitterness.
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Pingback: A Big Flop Friday Giftures | Ben's Bitter Blog
Very Funny. What made you write this?
I write 8 ways to ______. A self improvement focus.
http://8ways2.wordpress.com/
Check it out
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I did it last year for my birthday and just kept coming up with new ones.
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Well , you’ve always got suicide .
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If I did that, how would I be able to 42 things next year?
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Seriously? The funniest damned thing I’ve read all day. Would love to reblog this later in the week.
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Sorry your day has been so devoid of funny. I can think of about a billion things that were funnier than that.
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Clowns. Boo. Why does anyone think kids like clowns? They are creepy.
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Almost no one. I just got a bozo the clown punching bag for my son and he loves beating the crap out of it.
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Thanks for liking my recent post about summer 2014. I am surprised you liked it since it was not particularly bitter. Thanks for sharing the bitterness.
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Always glad to spread the bitterness, even when others aren’t.
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love it ! very funny 🙂
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It is pretty funny to others that I’m getting so old.
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Hilarious, in fact. Ever read the birthday cards down at Circle K?
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My kids laugh at me that I’m getting old. I listen to the comedy of Louis CK. Does that count?
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quite entertaining….. and stylish
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Well you know, stylish is what I am not all about. Entertaining only if you like bitterness and anger.
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#14- Couch pillows- You have a finger on my pulse.
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I’m like the nurse who takes you temperature and measures your height, of bitterness.
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I was merrily scrolling through Freshly Pressed, looking for a new blog to peruse and I clicked on your bitter blog not realizing – hey, I’ve been here before. This was the guy who will give me a cheap student loan so I can attend his bitter university in the future…
Well, I say to you, I hope you’ve enjoyed the bitterest of birthdays – love the list – I’ll be back to read it on your 100th…
AnnMarie
Happily Annoying 😉
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Well, you must have dug deep into the FP because that was soooo long ago. I was just barely 41 when that came out. Now I’m like 41 and a little bit.
I have a feeling that 100 is never gonna happen because pizza.
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Throw in a little red wine and you just might make it – I’ll see you at 100 🙂
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I don’t drink, so I won’t last. So you’ll probably be in your early 80’s by then?
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See there’s the flaw – I don’t call drinking wine, drinking – I call it sipping. A glass of (must be room-temp) merlot now and again is oh, so warm and comforting going down the gullet.
So let’s see – math – humm – 100 years-51(me now)=49 years add that to your 41 which would make you 90 when I’m 100. I think you can do it!
AnnMarie
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I’m really bad at math. So that will make you 80 when I’m 90?
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No, I’m really bad at math and I’m older than you I think) – those extra 10 years (I think) are what have made me annoyingly happy
AnnMarie 🙂
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And my terrible attitude and age have given me all kinds of bitterness.
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😉
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LOL. Hair. that’s hilarious, and so true for so many people. I personally like llamas, but that’s becuase I think of alpacas as the imposters.
http://www.newlywednotdead.com
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I heard Alpacas can’t even be alone. Sounds like a lot of extraverts I know.
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LOve the “gloves with fingers cut out…:
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I’m glad you fingered that one out. 🙂
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You really want bitter…go to your next high school reunion and listen to those questions…my favorite? “Guess who I am?”
My answer? “Who could give a shit…”
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I’ve done one better. I’ve gone to my wife’s high school reunion and not only did I not know anyone, but my wife didn’t and so it was just one awkward conversation after another.
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Love this. Made me write about things im bitter about
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The great thing about that is there is an endless supply of things to be bitter about.
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Cool list. Ben
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There will be much more next year. And by much more I mean 1 more.
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Reblogged this on The Angel Above Us and commented:
Im only reblogging this for the pictures..lol
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Reblogged this on The World at my fingertips...
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21. Yup.
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It would be great if the sunglasses graveyard would start giving some of those lost ones back.
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zombie sunglasses then? lol
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I’m pretty sure most of mine are zombies by now.
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ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH. I’m with you. LOL
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Yeah. Let it out. ARRRRRRGGGH will always make you feel more bitter.
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Much, much better. LOL
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Glad you are feeling uh…bitterer.
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Ohhhhhh yes, bitterer!!!
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Just wait til you hit the fifties. The birthday jokes come pouring in then. Thanks for the laughs.
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I can’t wait to hit 50. More things to be bitter about.
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#13 has perplexed me for some time as well! Very funny!
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In that case you do the early shift, I’ll do the late shift and we will compare pictures.
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I hate couches with lots of pillows as well.
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Is it too much to ask for a coach to just have cushions?
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Reblogged this on leo2500 and commented:
Okay, so maybe bitter people can be funny…
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I’m only a kid but i agree with almost all you say… happy B-DAY BRO!!!!!
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I am also a kid of 41 years. I can’t wait to see how I regress next year…
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I’d steal this idea, since my ‘big’ day is tomorrow…but I’d have a helluva time coming up with 56 things that were actually witty….dang it! Great post!
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I’ve got no problem if you want to use the idea. And as far as finding that many thing to be bitter about, you just need a few moments and they will all come flooding to your memory. If you need some ideas, my blog is full of stuff you can “borrow”.
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Ha…”that many” is damn straight! I love your bitterness!
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I’m glad I could convert someone else over to the bitter side. One bitter at a time.
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hahahahah no
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Yeah, Demi knows I’m much older looking than that.
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Haha! Enjoyed! 😀
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Not near as much as it made me bitter!
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Happy birthday for back then sweetie ! Loved your post v relatable! Xxxx
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It has been a month since the unmomentous occasion. Luckily each days since has been more bitter, so I have more ammo for #42.
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I love this post, I always love new reasons to be bitter. I just did a blog rant about people who brag about enjoying harsh weather. It would mean a lot if you could check it out http://www.jeanmess.com/arrogant-weather-chameleons/
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I have 330 posts worth of reasons, so if you ever need more…Anyways, I checked out you weather rant and I identify.
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Great bitter rant. You sound very much like my husband.
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Your husband and I should co-author a bitter book.
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Other things kids can beat adults at (by accident)
boggle (small words can get you if you don’t pay attention)
yahtzee
Wii bowling
wet banana (sometimes the Russian Judge is a little biased)
home Karaoke contests (cuteness can beat skill, or even drunken skill)
Sorry
hungry hippos
War (the card game)
any video game they refuse to explain the objective about before you play
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Also at whining, though adults are closing the gap on that.
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happy b’day dude anyway 🙂 may this bitter bring a better twist to you life 😉
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I’ve been bitterly twisted for a while. This will help my twistedness.
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Everybody’s twisted
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Makes me want a twist cone from Dairy Queen.
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this is amazing. i adore it.
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Well, stay tuned because in just under a year, there will be 42 things. That is a lot of things.
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Reblogged this on john bogle.
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http://thegentlemandriver.wordpress.com
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This is funny and engaging. There has to be something on here for each person that opens your blog.
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There isn’t much here for people that want to be happy.
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Lol okay
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i hear you man, jesus died on his birthday or was that santa. i don’t know nobody got me a bible on my birthday like i asked.
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Those are also some things to get bitter about.
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Reblogged this on The strength in The word.
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I have 335 fb friends and got 110 birthday wishes. In a certain light, that’s bullshit. In another light, I got a life. Both views made me smile 🙂
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That is waaay more than I got. I have like 100 FB friends, got about 20 birthday wishes and that was way too many.
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Facts in an argument. Totally pointless. The opponent may win.
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Facts are for booring people. I don’t have time for them.
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Ha ha! This made me laugh! Thank you!
By the way, clowns are also my biggest fear!
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I don’t blame you. Clowns biggest problem besides being just plain creepy, is they wear way too much makeup.
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Love the list!!! Embrace the bitters and make a great cocktail.
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The list took me about as long as eating my morning toast.
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Like you, I have more than one thing that I’m bitter about.
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That is good. Feel free to add to my list.
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