Back in the old days, when I was just a little bitter chump, one of my lazy Sunday afternoon activities was reading this thing called a newspaper, which was printed on paper. Besides making a horrible mess on your hands, it was also the punchline of a really horrible joke. Which reminds me. What’s black and white and red all over? A zebra that spilled red Kool-Aid on half of its white stripes…. Also a newspaper. Because you “red” it, get it? Almost as funny as that joke, were these ancient drawings in sanskrit that were supposed to funny called the Sunday Comics. There weren’t funny but I didn’t know it at the time. Now my whole sense of humor is based on emulating comics, which even if I did perfectly would have been horrifically bad. Let’s just say you should be expecting to see me on the Tonight Show anytime. Speaking of things you shouldn’t read on Sunday, I’ve got my weekly recap of all the garbage I did this week. (Speaking of which, I should probably remember to take that out or my wife will get mad at me.)
I wrote about some other ancient fossilized creatures called President’s and the day after their celebration and how bitter that day makes me every year. I might have also complained about work, which you know, doesn’t make anyone bitter. Today at church I heard someone speak about liking their job and having to quit the job and I was like, “Really? There is someone that actually likes their job and they are going to quit it?” I don’t care if my family needed more time with me, or it was to save my life. I would never keep a job that made me happy. I would have nothing to complain about when I was at a party trying to avoid talking to people. Bitter to the max!
Friday was devoid of comic humor as well, because our company had a party to celebrate the new location that I hate. It’s farther away, it’s combined with a new warehouse and it is losing us more money than we could possibly imagine. So of course, what better way to celebrate something miserable than to have a party. My way of celebrating all our bad news on Friday was to do my typical loser post of Friday Gifitures. Cause that is how I roll. Downhill.
The twitter machine was working, but not nearly as hard as I was at work.
Wit came out in the comments, despite the garbage that was put in this week.
President’s Day Bitterness:
“love the southern exposure.” Ksbeth
“I think Vice Presidents are probably even more bitter about President’s Day than you are.” Katie
On Friday Giftures Losing:
“LOL is it wrong my favorite is the guy with no arm and no leg? I literally couldn’t stop laughing. i’m going to hell.” rynolexson
“Love this (unless you were expecting failure, in which case I hate it).” Kate Lester
And now…it’s bonus gifture time…because of no reason at all.
Alright. Have a Bitter Sunday reading something that is actually good. I’m out.
Bitter Sunday Comic Ben
I worked for 3 companies that moved to bigger, better spaces: two went out of business and the third was taken over and moved to Boston (from Michigan)
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All companies that try to improve end of failing…like mine will do soon.
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I don’t remember anything else that happened in this post because my jaw is dropped so far after seeing that postman gif.
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I don’t remember much of that post because I wrote it like minutes ago.
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My heart goes out to that mailman. Walking to and from the train this winter has taught me that slushy snow may be more dangerous than quicksand, but at least it melts instead of staying in unmentionable places.
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At least he didn’t get eaten by a dog this time.
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Yeah, you’re right. Teeth can’t repair themselves. I had FIVE teeth worked on ON MY BIRTHDAY on Thursday because the gums have ripped away from the teeth because evidently I grind my teeth at night, a sign of bitterness (oh, and brother, am I chock-full of it), and it cost the same as my first car AND IT STILL HURTS LIKE A MOFO. All freaking five. I see your bitterness and raise it tonight!
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I was in another state and looking for a job ON MY BIRTHDAY last year. I was all alone and bitter and my teeth kinda hurt that day too. And I got my wisdom teeth out once and it really hurt.
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Calvin and Hobbes would make any bitter man smile. If I ever spawn a child, I wish it to be as bitter as Calvin. In relation to that person who likes their job, are you sure that it’s a person? Maybe it’s some sort of alien being sent to this planet to counterattack your bitterness? You cannot let that person win!
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I have a child named Calvin that I am raising to be bitter like me and Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes. Though he is making me bitter right now because he isn’t going to bed.
As far as I know that person wasn’t human. How could someone possibly like their job unless it was staying at home and playing video games all day.
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i knew the comics weren’t funny when i was a bitterling
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Especially garfield.
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i never read comics. i read halfbacks of the nfl & king arthur & betsy tacy & tib
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Well at least your dad taught you right when it came to reading the sports.
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my father even when 80 knew college & real basketball, football ,everything, baseball…my friend told me wow your father knows them all & friend was a basketball player
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i will have that knowledge when i’m 95.
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because u will be retired & watching every channel,like my father
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I probably won’t ever be 95. I’ll be lucky to make 65.
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if you eat more low fat pizza you will be 99
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no thanks. don’t want to live that long.
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so you’re bitter about living long?
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I would just be a insane bitter old man.
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that’s your purpose in life
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I will finally achieve something.
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i will have quite a fright at night with your achievement
believement
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of berievement?
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lol no that’s not funny but it is…i can’t keep up with myself ..i think i was drive by haikuing 12 or 90 in last 2 days…haiku month is over in 2 hours
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so sad that it is over now.
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lol you only read two,there were like 20 others last two days, to keep you compnay until next year
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I’ve been pretty busy this month. Work is at an all time suck.
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i know you had to
answer 50% of
the phone calls do math
i did not mean for the last to be a haiku.saw it was
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I can’t do math. it is even more work than work.
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wow. well it is a lot of work. i made a big math mistake today. i said i spent 14,000 days with my chihuahua. i think i meant 4000…she was 18 when i was 14
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that is a long time, i think.
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not long enough but yes 14 years is a long time for days
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and golda meir , i forgot i was 8 ….you could say something funny on my starfish hooked on cocaine.lol
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wait, what golda meir, 8 year old starfish hooked on cocaine? I’m lost.
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read golda meir..when i was 8, i ran out of books in kids library, so i read adult books..haven’t read one since though…lol
2. i just wrote starfish hooked here
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you haven’t read a book since you were 8? just haiku’s?
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i didn’t have room for except school & college 7 yrs…i did read 1 : the zone diet
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I read all the harry potters.
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lol.. do you walk around in a cape like silly people in orlando
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with my magic wand.
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LOL reminds me i saw someone named bipitybopitydo
here today.lol
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Sounds like a Cinderella story.
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lol ..isn’t that about a boxer: didn’t i see that movie & the one with leslie warren
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it’s about a girl in a pumpkin.
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i want a movie with a pumpkin cake in a girl
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that would be a movie about you right?
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yes exactly. i made cranberry pumpkin bread…no eggs .baking powder,water & oil & it bubbles up like i don’t know?
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LOL My week couldn’t have ended any bitterer. 🙂
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Mine always end bitterer. So really bad things happened to you?
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Nothing worth speaking of. Believe it or not I look forward to your bitter self every week and it makes me laugh and smile. It always does make my bitter better.
Laughter is the best medicine….which I know you will fully avoid. LOL
Thanks for asking Bitter End. 🙂
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I don’t have anything worth speaking of either, which I why I do it. To make others bitter because of it.
Bitterness is my only medicine.
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🙂
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