If this week had a face I would punch it. Co-workers talking to me, bosses demanding I do actual work, drivers on the freeway asking that I pay attention to the road at least 25% of the time…It has been brutal. Since I have no boxing experience and never got into any brawls other than the one where someone punched me in the face from behind, the week is going to have to deal with my metaphorical punch to face. I will do my bitterest to passive aggressively stare at people, avoid doing work and snidely and sarcastically retort to people’s stupid remarks like, “TGIF” or “What are you going to do this weekend?” or “You busy right now?” Also, I will take my time posting “all these gifs, which will take me all kinds of time to find and post”. So call a customer service line to be placed on a two hour hold or get your phones out to play some Candy Crush or find someone to text while you wait bitterly for the following Friday Giftures to slowly appear in your browser.
The kids were a little hyper this week…
…could have been all those Snicker Bars….
So we decided to feed them some healthy food for once….
They got their bitter revenge…
Things just went downhill from there…
…into the ditch.
At work there was the intense training program…
That got a little off track…
I tried to sneak out of work a little early….
…but my dreams of leaving early were shattered….
Before I left for work I checked the traffic report….
Traffic was backed up….
I barely avoided an accident…
It was plane to see how close the guy was behind me…
I tried to find a shortcut….
But there was a minor delay…
Got pulled over for speeding…
They take speeding very seriously around here…
Got home and flipped out…
That got me kicked out…
Went to do some exercise…
…people got in my way….
After exercise I could barely walk…
got a little tripped up…
Tried to make it downstairs….
Failed…
Tried to take a seat…
got kicked out…
Just gave up…
I’m out…
So those are my bitterspirational words of the week. When life gets you down (as it always will) just quit and give up.
Arrrgggghhhh
Bitter Quitter Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Pingback: The .Gif Friday Post No.378 – Midnight Stun, Skateboard Splat & Archie and Edith | Tacky Raccoons
Murphy’s freakin’ law!
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So tired of Murphy and his stupid law. I’m going to start disobeying it.
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LOL hilarious! I spit Ensure all over my monitor
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It is pretty fun to practice spit takes so you get just the right amount of splatter on your keyboard and other people.
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ewwww…was it insured?
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My face wasn’t insured, so it got punched a lot. Maybe I should be a boxer and so I could get paid to get it punched.
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No shortage of public-spirited citizens happy to do it for free? Dammit — I’m in the wrong job …
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I was a professional boxer at one time. I helped put exercise machines in boxes.
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there is this big black box at the top of every page ,like 3 inches & it covers parts of pages, so i miss a bitter sentence when i try to scroll & parts of bitter pictures , even though i bitterly try to decrease the page size to 67% & the like buttons too! ..i think you should yell at google chrome for me.
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Obviously it is google chromes fault.
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obviously bad bad google chrome.so if i miss a sentence don’t be mad at me.
oops my point before was adam may not be a millionaire anymore.
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At least it is shiny Chrome.
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when you shine the chrome
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Google is a google better than chrome.
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chrome is a chromosome better than aol
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anything is bitter than AOL.
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you have that right ..29.00 a month for 11 years
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might as well dump that money in the garbage.
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aol kidnapped it from me.
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Stand up to your kidnapper.
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i did. he said but don’t you want to keep xyz & i said i have never used xyz in 11 yrs., lol but i was sitting down
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It’s nice to know someone can have a worse week than mine–made my week terrific!
I love your sense of humor and will follow you.
May God continue to bless you and yours.
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I will keep having worse weeks than you so you can continue to have things to feel better about.
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The New Zealand Fruit-E Bars commercial for safety is one of my top five favorites. It’s downright brilliant.
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Wait, you’ve seen this commercial before? How awesome is that?
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Pingback: In case you missed it…because you were busy failing at playing in traffic | Ben's Bitter Blog
“Traffic was backed up.” Fantastic caption.
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That explains things almost everywhere.
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I loved the upside-down egg beater. Speaking of egg beaters, I am egg-beater bitter about my diet. Diet is a misnomer for my “eating habit”. I am surrounded and made bitter by “food porn”. To survive and make it out of this apartment, I have to eat my way out every day. The food gets demonstrative and downright angry if I don’t eat it. The soup gets soupicidal. If you don’t eat them after a while, they turn on you.
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I agree with all the food rising up and not allowing you to leave until you eat it all. I have tried to leave by showing them how much weight I gain, but the ice cream sandwichs continue to annoy me until I eat them.
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Bitterly Ben, the only way to defeat the porn-a-licious food is to eat celery, which takes more calories than it gives. But that much celery, if you subsist on a diet primarily of the green stuff, you start looking like Kermit the frog. I would imagine burning far more calories than you take in would be a dietary time bomb. Now ice cream sandwiches I can get excited about … more towards IC sandwich summertime — though it’s so dry in here, an IC sandwich might be good now. Off to eat a Big Markaroon…
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Whatever you do, don’t eat too many carrots or you will turn into the Marky the Pumpkin.
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So many wonderful moments to sit and marvel that it wasn’t ME! I wanted to punch this week in the face until I saw these gifs. I didn’t have to jump out of the path of a boat, plane, train fall off a chair, get kicked in the head, have 7 Russian cops smash out the windshield, trip, fall, hit anything glass…nope. This week was GREAT! Thanks for illustrating this so wonderfully.
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Since gifs are worth 10,000 words, that was like a 120,000 word book and it should be published and sold with sole right going to me.
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Okay, firstly I have to ask . . .
Punched in the face from behind?
I’ll bet that’s probably better than the other way around.
That one where the jerk tried to cut around? I smiled a bit in an evil way over that. That sort of stuff makes me angry.
Also, dude through the window? Amazing. (That happened twice and both were).
But I’ve gotta say . . . boy on the scooter?
That was BAD. O.O
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The punch in the face from behind happened when some thugs in college ran up behind me and grabbed my shoulder and punched me from behind. Their fist went hit my face as I turned sideways. It was okay because my friends on the dorm floor went to the police and then we tried to hunt them down. The officers pulled them over, and I was asked to identify them. I couldn’t of course because I didn’t actually see the face of the guy that hit me, but they got a nice scare.
The guy that tried to cut around got his just desserts.
Boy on scooter was brutal.
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That sure does sound like a time…
O.o
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Those were some fun days, my bros. having my back completely. Some of the best friends I ever had and the time in my life when I had the most fun. I was bitter a little less back then.
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I think it’s only natural to be a little less bitter when you’re younger.
At least you can remember your fun days?
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Yep, I just wish I would have paid more attention in English and less in other stuff.
Nothing like that time in my life.
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I sometimes wish I would’ve paid more attention to a lot of things, but at the same time have to wonder if it even matters.
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You’re right about that. Some things I learned were completely useless. Math only helps me with my daughter’s math, who will in turn only help her with her daughter(when she has one). I just think some things in school were just such a waste for me.
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I helped my niece with her math homework one day, and I did NOT learn the sort of stuff they were teaching her. I had to look all of it up on my phone. Granted math is the devil and I was always bad at it anyway (apart from the very basics, which I don’t mind).
I agree with that completely, I think a lot of it really was a waste of time.
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Math is the worst. If you can’t do it on your calculator, then you shouldn’t have to do it. Anything beyond basic algebra was completely forgotten by me as soon as I left a class.
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I wasn’t even talking about basic algebra. I was talking about like . . . ADDING.
Once it gets past adding/subtracting/multiplication . . . I’m useless.
If you can remember basic algebra, you’re better off math-wise than I am. >.<
I HATES IT. (I think I need to watch LOTR so I might not say hates in that way.)
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Feel free to say HATES it as much as you want. I still talk weirdo talk like YOUS to my wife. It doesn’t bother me.
I just wish math wasn’t so involved with about every good job there ever was. Then I might have a chance to get one.
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Okay, good to know I’m not the only weirdo out there. Husband and I do that sort of stuff sometimes, but he probably does it more often than I do.
I really hate to admit it, but I guess math is involved in a lot of jobs, but not to the point where you fail at life if you fail geometry. -_-
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We are just a bunch of weirdos I guess. Ones that don’t know math or care to .
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There are worse things to be. XD
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Yeah. Society can just get over that.
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I was going to say something, but I stopped myself.
I can’t remember what we were talking about, but you left me a major opening with ‘Society can . . .’
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Oh, and thanks for telling me the story. 🙂
I was a bit distracted by it all to remember to put that in before clicking reply.
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It makes more sense when you get the whole story. I’ve got a lot of stories from that time and the rest of my life is full of not stories.
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That makes me sad. 😦
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Not sad, just a little different.
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I’m not sad?
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Cute!
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There was something cute about all that bitterness?
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One of the best opening lines ever!
Took me a couple minutes before I could continue reading I was laughing so hard. The rest of the post caused even more hilarity now I’m at least ten minutes behind on my nights reading.
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Now I feel guilt for making you miss out on far superior work. Now I’m going to have to write a bitter post about messing up people’s schedules.
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Bitterly awesome post!
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Well who doesn’t want to punch weeks in the face? Though I want to punch every week in the face.
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Reblogged this on HookandLinen and commented:
What a week
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You speak the words truest to my heart
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Wow. So your heart wants to punch this week in the face? Mine is just bitter all around.
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No, I’m just a ball of sugar coated vinegar 🙂
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So sweet on the outside, but bitter on the inside? Awesome.
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Oh man, that mom tripping over the truck was crazy! It just proves that junk food is healthier.
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We just need to learn as parents to stop offering to give our kids healthy food or encouragement.
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I love the one about the kids having too much sugar and then trying to feed them something healthy. Yes, I’m still around. Yes, it’s been forever since I’ve popped over here. Forgive me?
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It goes both ways. I haven’t been by yours lately either. I just have a hard time because there is no like button. Is that weird? I guess I’m just lame that way. Anyways, forgiven. Will you forgive me? Oh and thanks for that tweet. That is pretty awesome.
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You’re welcome and forgiven. 🙂
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You forgive so easily!
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I do. It’s a good quality to have.
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One that I wish I had.
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Lol ummm I might have just peed my pants. Standing ovation for this sir.
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Great! Now, I’m going to have to pay for a new pair of pants. I sure hope they weren’t the expensive kind. Perhaps there is a pants rental store?
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Will you please punch the blistery, freezing, crappy weather please? I’d do it, but I’m glued to my afgan….
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I specialize in punching snowstorms and other invisible terrible things.
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Ah, another post where I don’t have to read too much or use my brain in any other manner. Those gifs are scary sometimes. I’m always so anxious to see what’s going to happen! Have a bitter weekend.
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I always do have a bitter weekend. Doing all that work for others to be lazy always make me bitter. It’s why I do it.
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geeze, the GIF of the hyper kids… Who needs birth control, I will just watch that a few times and I will never have children. Ever. So glad you lived through that.
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And if you ever need more evidence, I can let you watch my neighbor kids for 20 minutes.
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This week did need a punch in the face…or at least work did. It was my birthday on Monday, and I spent most of the evenings having fun, so that part was good at least.
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Clearly the work part of the day was the trouble. So you should avoid doing on all days.
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Exactly. I knew you would understand.
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I keep telling myself to not go to work, but myself doesn’t really listen.
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I have that same problem.
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If I listen to anyone though, it is me.
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Same here.
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I literally said, “Oh, snap!” a dozen times. Your most snappable post so far. It should be endorsed by Snapple.
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Let’s just say that I wanted to snap several people in half this week so I think that it is appropriate that you did an oh snap several times on this post.
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Great stuff bro! Where are the links to those vids? I would love to share them with my FB friends!
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Actually the best thing would be to share a link on Facebook to my post. Then we both win.
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The scooter one is PAINFUL to watch!
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Not as painful as my posts are to read.
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That was am impressive string of puns. You know what you’ll never have to quit? Alcoholism. Drink time.
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I have a disease when it comes to using really bad puns. I apologize not at all.
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the kids at the beginning look like my kindergarten classroom every day.
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Cause they are so excited to learn from you every day.
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ummmmmm……..yes, that’s it
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I knew it. I’m very perceptive.
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Whoa. I just did the same thing as Sheldon with the paper for class I’m working on. Felt damn good. Although, it’ll be a pain in the ass to put back together in the correct order again.
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That’s how I feel every Friday, but bitter every Monday when I have to clean it all up.
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When things go wrong, don’t go with them 🙂 🙂
Very funny GIFs!!
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When things go wrong, nothing to do but be bitter. That’s the Bitter Ben way.
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Thank you for cheering my week up! Loved it.
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I’ll try harder to make you bitter next week.
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Bravo sir. Bravo.
The chap kicking in the car windscreen was initially my favourite gif (what country was that in?) but the Streetfighter kick-out was just outstanding.
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I’m not sure what country I was in when I filmed it, but it was somewhere in Europe. The Streetfighter one brought back fond memories of me kicking people, meaning I had a dream of doing that.
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What a week!
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Bitter week as usual.
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Hey, how the hell did you get those photos of me with that chair and ninja warrior?!
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By stalking you. That was some amazing footwork you did to knock over that girl in the chair.
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