This week has been nothing but failures all around. For instance, today should be Saturday and I’ve been having a case of clinomania. I mentioned moving earlier in the week to a new building for work. Everything related to that went as bitterly as possible. It’s too hot here, the water isn’t hot enough to use in my oatmeal, my back is killing me with the new chairs, there is nothing but people all around that continually want to talk to me, etc. Worst of all, I worked on not one but two different posts yesterday and neither one of them were even remotely close to my terribly low and bitter expectations, so I crammed them back in my mind, never to be released again, especially to the bloga spear. So overall, this has been the bitter failure of a week for me and that is saying something. But let’s not think of all the worse things that could happen like car accidents, poverty, hunger and real problems that plague people. Let’s just focus on MY failures in the form of Gifs.
My first teleconference went well…
except for the pants, and the background, and the dudes that I didn’t know playing cards in my house.
Magic wasn’t in the air this week…
Plus, I lost my brother. Has anyone seen him? I know he likes to read…
When life gives you lemons throw it curveballs…
And strike out bitterly on every one.
People kept interupting me when I was studying the new manuals…
When I get tired I tend to get a little cranky…and night sweats too…
I was so close to winning at Jenga…
…until Ellen had to go and ruin the board…
My basketball team was going to win….
…until this dude untied the score.
I was trying to teach a class in the B.I.T.T.E.R. School of Bitterness when I found out….
..there was excessive happiness going on behind my back…
I tried to get some help from my co-workers….
…but they just gave me the run around.
I decided to skip the gym for the 40th year in a row…
Because going 8 miles per hour is too much…Besides that guy wouldn’t even care if I fell…
And when I got home I was attacked…
…by the neighbors human cat…(perhaps she could take care of our mouse problem?)
I requested some desert after dinner…
So…that’s a yes then?
I’m hoping that everyone else had as bitter a week as I did, because you know what they say, “Bitterness loves company!” And by that I mean, no we don’t. We don’t love company at all. So don’t stop by or come over and talk. Recumbentibus!
Ben's Bitter Blog 
So affected by this struggle my phone crashed.
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Probably because I was throwing people under the bus, it was a little bumpy.
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Ah, I thought I heard crunching as my phone died…
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That was it…
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If Ellen ever ruined my life-size Jenga game, I would continue to not watch her talk show.
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Did you not see the show she did the other day. I hear it was not magical.
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You crack me up!!! Good stuff as always 🙂
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I’m glad my failure cracks you up. Maybe I should fail more!
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Can i have a human cat too? one a little cuter than her? one that comes with a microbe-translator implant like the ones of the odd sci-fi semi-that’s-so-yesterday show Farscape?
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You can be bitter about anything you can put your mind to.
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Pingback: In case you missed it…you didn’t miss much | Ben's Bitter Blog
There’s something funny about falls, goofs and misses. This was a good collection that makes you feel oh so much better after seeing there are worse failures than your own!
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I just made me bitter that I hadn’t tried to make these mistakes and fail.
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OK, totally befuddled on the second one; and of course I knew the first one. Think about it.
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Well maybe you should look it up!
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Say, Bitter Butter is Best with Sugar.
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Most everything is best with sugar.
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For the love of god, it’s a wiffle ball. Why is he dodging it?
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Hopefully he gets hit next time for trying to dodge it.
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Recumbentibus! Such a great word. 🙂
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I know right? I totally stole it from the dictionary.
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Oh my gosh, you always mine the best gifs but I just spent about ten minutes watching the teleconference and bookshelf ones over and over.
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I am the master when it comes to locate other people’s hard work and claiming it as my own. I’m glad I’m finally getting recognized for it.
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That woman getting clocked after waking up the bald dude is hilarious and Ellen is always inappropriately touching other women. I don’t think I like her.
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Not a fan of Ellen or her cheesy sense of humor. And I love when people wake up others and expect not to get clocked.
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Those gifs are truly gifts. In the boy’s defense, he DID get the magic trick accomplished. Gravity just had other plans for the bookshelf. And his brother. But think how cool how tricks will sound when he dedicates them to the memory of Timmy.
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Gravity is kind of a jerk. He (i assume gravity is he because he’s a jerk) fits right in in the bitter universe.
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I believe this would qualify as an appropriate situation to use the word ‘awkward’.
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In college I majored in awkward. I just got better at it in post college life.
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As did I.
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Just wait til you see me at a party. Awkward gold.
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