The longer I’ve been on this earth, the more mistakes I’ve made that I haven’t learned from. Now, I continue to make them at a more exponential rate. One of the things that people in general will never learn is that they can’t win. You may have seen lots of superhero movies or heartwarming tales of survival or romances that somehow happen, or other things that make you think that you can overcome and win in life. But there is one enemy that I am very familiar with that will always win. No matter how good you are inside, no matter how long of a Shawshank pipe you have to crawl through to get redemption on the other side, there is one enemy you will not defeat. I’d like to introduce you to the strongest enemy ever, Gravity.
Meet Gravity, the one that defies all your stupid quotes.
Fall down nine. Just ask any dead person.
Okay, maybe this girl will defy gravity forever:
Let’s ask her in 10 minutes.
This guy didn’t even want to try to fight gravity.
Gravity wins again.
Superheros, while trying hard to defy gravity, will just cause others to fall for it.
Spider Man, hero to gravity.
This girl knee-ded no help with gravity.
Don’t forget to tell your knees to buckle up.
Some people just pretend to succumb to gravity.
Yeah, this person fell on “purpose”.
Unlike humans, planes fight gravity with style.
Gravity stunt fighter.
One of gravities best friends are stairs.
Gravity just fired this guy.
Elephants never forget to work the gravity system.
The elephant just taught those bars a lesson in gravity.
Gravity never sleeps.
In the end, gravity just sucks.
So, your demotivational speech for the day is “Just give up!” No matter how hard you try to fight it, gravity will win. You can try to delay it by exercizing, trying to learn how to fly, climbing mountains, and using those fancy knees that will eventually get replaced by metal, but you will not win. I for one, will welcome our enemy gravity by using the patented Bitter Ben method of inserting my body into a bitter old couch and do some LOLing(laying on leather). Gravity is a much more merciful overlord when you just give into it. So remember, fall 8 times, just stay on the ground.
Arrrrrrgggghhhh
Bitter Gravity Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
I’m trying to figure out what the chick on the trampoline was actually attempting to do…
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Jump really high so she could get a broken leg. Then launch off to space so she could circle the moon, come back grab the space pillars, create a space bridge, bring Cyberton to earth, then get defeated by Optimus Prime.
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Wow, that sounds like an interesting story…
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I’m good at taking things to extremes. How to incorporate into a story…I think that is my problem sometimes. I have so many ideas and I want to incorporate them into the story. Giving up some ideas is the hardest.
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I understand what you mean there.
I can add things, but I have the hardest time taking things out. And sometimes you have these ideas that MUST BE PUT IN.
So I totally get it. 😛
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Pingback: In case you missed it…because you were busy breaking your resolutions | Ben's Bitter Blog
How do you get snacks if you never get up?
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When kids get old enough they make good servants, especially when you guilt them by letting them know they could sleep outside if they don’t like it.
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Doesn’t it snow there?
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Yeah, it also rains. They will get used to it.
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Bad Grandpa’s balls… best example of gravity 2013!
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You are a clever girl you know that?
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Did you see it? Best friggin’ movie of 2013!
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Clever Girl? No, what was it about? Or are you talking about Grandpa’s Balls?
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No, GPs Balls! Clever Girl, The Movie, isn’t due for release until 2015.
No one wants to admit they saw GPs Balls…
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I can’t wait to see that movie about food blogger and her delightfully dirty mind.
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‘Fall 8 times, stay on the ground.’ That’s a helpful piece of advice and I’m a touched that you’ve decided to offer it to those of us moron’s who keep thinking that you have to be vertical to accomplish things. I should have stayed down loooong ago. Tonight I accomplished watching 5 back to back episodes of The Mindy Project, ate pecan pie and made a steak, all while lying down. It wasn’t easy from the floor but if you tape the tongs onto the broom handle…
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I laid on the couch and didn’t accomplish anything at all. I also didn’t accomplish anything while standing.
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LOL on these amazing videos! You MUST have spent some energy finding these so don’t give me that crap about LOL. The energy alone to type this must have required a couple of candy bars… 🙂
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I’m laying on leather right now. That was when I was at work avoiding work.
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LOL! I wish I had a job where I could create my posts there. WP is blocked where I work, so I have to do it all on my off hours. Talk about a sucky job, you are blessed to have a job that allows you to (even clandestinely) do other stuff.
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Whoa, that would make me pretty bitter. Why don’t they understand that you need to do this stuff at work?
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LOL Im a pediatric nurse. Best if I pay attention to the kiddos….so everything is blocked so there is no temptation….
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Ahh man…I think the kids can take care take of themselves while you are blogging.
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HAHAHAHA, LOL, LOL! Only you would say that…..
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Yep, cause I ignore my kids and work while blogging myself.
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Like the fat lady on The Guild…..
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That is right. I remember that. I’m the male version of her.
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“Life knocks you flat!” – Velma Buzzard (1910-1998)
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Actually I think gravity is responsible for that. – Bitter Ben 1973-?
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I don’t fully understand what happened to the girl on the trampoline, but it looked the same as when you throw water on a daddy long legs spider.
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All I know is I can’t stop watching the last one. She must be so bitter.
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I can relate to climbing through a Shawshank pipe for the past twenty years, which might be fine if WITHIN that pipe, one could be immune to gravity. Looking down at my lap, I see I am not. As the years go by, the bottom of my chin has made a pact with my tricep-area arm fat to see who can fall the furthest. Even with a trim waist, gravity gets you. I want to go full-on elephant and smash those bars like a bad-ass. He made them look like crappy Newport cigarettes. Damn, it feels good to be a circus gangster.
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I’m probably going to drop the first. Gravity will put me 7 feet under.
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The gravitational pull of this blog post really sucked me in…..
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That sucks…
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Gravity: my most worthy foe
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Gravity: the best way to get people to fall to laugh at.
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Stupid gravity! 🙂
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Gravity is awesome when it works on other people. Especially when you record it.
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Most excellent and bitter (of course) finds!
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It’s like bitterness finds me.
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so funny and i’ve had a few run-ins with gravity myself )
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Gravity is the best way to get other people to look foolish.
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