I’ve got a lot of space up in here.
Hey there, I’m Bitter Ben’s Brain. I snuck on the blog here because well, I get bored a lot. As you might know, Bitter Ben doesn’t use me a whole lot, and I realized that he hasn’t done any year end posts. I know he never will, so I took it upon myself to do it for him because he is too lazy. So, let’s talk 2013. It sucked. I know it, you know it. It was bad. Not so much in the world but inside me, the Bitter Ben brain. Man, this guy was bitter about everything. He had a lot of posts on this blog and just like you, he had some that he thought were totally bitter and worthy of being read, but were completely avoided, and other’s that were terrible and somehow you thought they should be read a lot more that they should have been. So, I’ve decided to highlight some of the ones that he thought were overlooked and some that he thought were so bad you should never read them ever. You should take them outside and light a fire to them, because they are that bad.
Let’s start with the ones that you probably missed, but shouldn’t have. Last Christmas, he went on an epic(Epcot Actually) vacation with his family to Orlando. In a seven day span, he and his family did an exhausting 6 “amusement” parks in 7 days crazcation. There were 4 Disney Parks and 2 Universal Studios Parks. He decided to do a 6 part series, 1 for each day to begin the year. Barely anyone knew he existed then, so not many people read it. If you find yourself bored like me, you should check out the post miniseries that was longer than The Sound of Music Live on NBC.
Golf Ball Wacker Guy
The Bitterest Place on Earth – The Magic Kingdom Edition – Part 1
The Bitterest Place on Earth – Animal Kingdom Edition – Part 2
The Bitterest Place on Earth – Epcot Edition – Part 3
The Bitterest Place on Earth – Universal Islands of Adventure – Part 4
The Bitterest Place on Earth – Disney Studios Edition – Part 5
The Bitterest Place on Earth – Universal Studios – Part 6 The End
In February, he finally hit a milestone that most people make and related why it wasn’t a big deal…at all. People do a 100 of things all the time. Just the other day, I made 100 calculations in less than a second. So you know, not a big deal.
Wow a hundred things. It must have been so hard to do.
When people use their brain sucker’s over Ben’s head, their machine is of course starving, so you can see that I have plenty o room in this mansion of a headspace. For some reason, though, he thought he needed more space out there. Could you please stop crowding him? He’s starting to make even me feel uncomfortable.
Near the end of March, Bitter Ben had a change of heart about the whole Bitterness. If you’ve never seen him happy about anything, you will want to read this post. I was just as shocked as you may be.
In April, Bitter Ben got old. Like really old. Like so old that he turned 40 and I even started to decay. It wasn’t a proud moment. Not at all. So he sat down on his depression, uh I mean bed and wrote out 40 things that made him bitter about getting older. Even though he was only turning 30. Just kidding. He is 40.
At the end of April, he did a review of a movie about a bad guy that turns good. Clearly Wreck-It Wralph didn’t know that he was supposed to stay a bad guy. I guess that is why he went to therapy in the first place, but the problem is that he wasn’t supposed to help anyone or learn things. Bitter Ben would have preferred that he end up ruining his game and finally getting a game in there that had good graphics.
Wrecked the movie by going good.
Wreck-It Wralph Wreview Bitterness
As a response to his terrible Orlando trip, he decided to make up his own amusement park called Bitterland. It was exactly like Disney, except turning up the bitterness to 11.
Bitter Ben had a brilliant idea(or should I say I) that he should have a contest where he gave away a prize in order to promote this blog. It flopped like a belly flop in a diving meet. Meaning it flopped. (Actually, I’m pretty sure it was his idea.)
Bitter Contest Where you could win something
We had our annual Riot here in Seattle, and Ben was there to cover it in the least comprehensive way, by hearing third hand rumors about what it was about.
In June, he tried to start a new trend of Random Acts of Bitterness that never took off. People decided to be kind instead. Which made him bitter.
He heard that people were doing Bucket Lists about things they wanted to do when they died. It made no sense to him, so he made his own Bitter Bucket List about things he wanted to do BEFORE he died.
He started his own Network in August that never really took off. In fact, there was only one show, and it only produced one Blooper Reel. So it was a bitter bust.
B.E.N. (Bitter Entertainment Network)
My bridge from the younger generation to the older isn’t the most stable.
One of his most under read posts was about a time in history before the cell phone or the internet. His college days.
From the BitterBenzoac Era to the Bitter Twitter Era
In October, he talked about how slow downloading is and how traffic is sometimes faster.
Tum’s Favorite Day of the Year!
In November, another one of his bitterest posts was about the favorite day of Tum’s. No one pays attention to them more than on Thankgiving.
All the way back in December of this year, he wrote about an under appreciated and no longer used tradition of Holiday Variety Specials.
The Bitter Ben Holiday Variety Hour and a Half Special
These are ones not to never read:
For some reason this one got Freshly Pressed and both of us are still trying to figure out why:
The rest of the posts of the year.
So what did Ben learn this year on Ben’s Bitter Blog? According to me, not much. As you can see there was much he was bitter about this year, and most of it had to do with things that nobody really cared about. Socks, shoes, there were a ton of pictures that moved, and some that didn’t. Twitters remarks were made and posts about pills, podcasts, and loyalty and 5K’s that he would never run. What do you have to look forward to for next year? An even worse year of no goals, bitter failure and last minute posts. Go…away 2014!
Arrggghhhh
Bitter 2013, worse 2014 Ben
Related articles
- Friday Bitter Pictures – Naughty List Edition (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- In case you missed it…because you were playing with your shiny new toys (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- A Bitter Christmas to All, and To All a Bitter Christmas (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Pingback: In case you missed it…because you were busy breaking your resolutions | Ben's Bitter Blog
Did one of those posts explain why you are so bitter? Here”s my theory – you got bitten by a spider, but instead of becoming SpiderMan, you lost a chunk of flesh in your leg. Am I close?
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You are so close, or somehow you didn’t read the about page that explains not why I’m bitter but at least how I started this blog.
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That’s a lot of clicking I just did. This is going to take me a while…
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I put my readers through a lot of pain. It’s so you can become bitter like me.
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I thought I was spared from the attempts at bitter conversion?!
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Fine, I guess you are immune this time. Continue on your nice, positive and upbeat ways.
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LOL. I really think you have a somewhat distorted view on me…
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Probably. It’s just that I am so bitter about things. This week at work has just optimized how much I hate working there and how bitter it makes me.
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Well I guess when looking at it that way, it makes sense.
How is your week now that the week is over?
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Well, I don’t get to sleep in any day of the week now. On Saturday, I am the church facilities rep, so I have to wake up early and supervise people cleaning the church. And on Sunday, our church is the early session at 9 so, I have to get up early for that. I guess I wasn’t meant to sleep in 2014.
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I didn’t know you were a church-goer.
And yes, it definitely sounds like you weren’t meant to sleep.
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Maybe next year…though I guess I will sleep soundly when I’m dead.
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I believe this is where I say, “Touche.” (And wish I knew how to make the little squiggly thingy.)
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Not really a “Touche`” because you knew that already. I assume I will sleep a lot when I get old and retire to just writing books all day.
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But can’t it count as a touche if you weren’t thinking about that?
Gah, I wish I never had to sleep.
Also wish I had the time to actually WRITE right now. >.<
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So why were you not writing right then? Were you getting ready to sleep? Was eating getting in your way?
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I’m trying to get done with editing and I unfortunately can’t time-split any more than I already am. I wouldn’t get anything done.
And yes, eating gets in the way. >.<
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Stupid eating and sleeping. So bothersome.
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It really is . . .
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i bitterly look forward to getting caught up on your blog posts from a disgustingly disappointing year (apart from bright lights like yours in the wordpress blogosphere; i was referring to my own lame brain instead).
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It was a pretty disappointing year and I expect nothing more for 2014.
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And now I have to go read this post about you being happy. Can’t NOT click on such a thing. Yes, that was a double negative. I figured you would appreciate such a thing.
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I do appreciate negative things especially when they are doubled.
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It’s been a good year for bitterness, and I suspect 2014 will be even bitterer.
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You bitter believe it.
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Bitter Ben, your brain is showing and I think it’s even more bitter than you.
Thanks for linking up. 🙂
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He has a way of getting out of hand sometimes.
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i am not bitter that we have crossed paths this year. happy new year ben.
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I guess I failed just like I do every year. I will just keep working harder next year.
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Bitter Ben’s Brain, have a very bitter 2014! Hope you’re being bitter tonight and keeping Ben as bitter as you bitterly can. Good, bitter stuff! 🙂
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I’m going to keep him up all night so he doesn’t get any rest at all. Then he will be really bitter for the whole next year.
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My New Years Resolution is to see things in a more bitter light.
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Thank goodness people are starting to listen. Keep up the bitter work.
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I never realized how much you look like Homer.
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His brain is so much bigger than me. If Bitter Ben would just use me every once in a while I would get a tad bigger.
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What a great recap on the year. It just shows to go that bitter is the way to go when it comes to really facing the reality of the world today. I was sorry to see the Random Acts of Bitterness get an F on the bitterness scale. It had so much promise for the bitter bastards and bitches to belittle blatant bouts of bitter bitterly. Happy New Year
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Don’t all my blog posts get F’s on the scale of well written?
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hummm er yes.
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Happy New Year!!
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And a bitter clever year to you.
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Happy not bitter to know that I’ve ready many of these. Off to Disney! Could be the best day ever since I suffer big time from Motion Sickness!
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I hope you know how miserable of a place that is. And sorry you had to read all those posts. It must have been the lowlight of your year.
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Thanks Ben for a bitterly entertaining year. Wish you a happy, but bitter new year!
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It can only get worse from here!
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🙂
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I think, Bitter Ben’s Brain, even though you said Bitter Ben didn’t accomplish a lot in 2013 (for which he is probably bitter), I think he did. Just look at all the bitterness he spread into the world. Chaos is very pleased, and looks forward to seeing more bitterness in 2014. Happy New Year!
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The thing is, Miss Tiffany, that he mostly did it all from the couch sleeping while I did all the work. I thought of the ideas, I made his hand type them. All he did was get named.
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Isn’t that the way it always is? One behind the scenes person doing all the hard work, and one celebrity in the spotlight, taking all the credit.
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You got it Miss Tiffany. He’s get all the Bitter Fame and all I get is the work. I’m going to turn him and me evil. I’ve got nefarious plans for him this year.
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I am really looking forward to your nefarious and bitter evil plans!
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It would be the first time I got any attention.
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I am glad that we met here, especially now that I’ve read this post. Here’s something else for you to be bitter about: I haven’t read all the other posts you linked to here, but I plan to, soon. I’m sure you’re thrilled about that. Thanks for everything and for nothing, too.
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You know I’m going to be bitter about that. If people haven’t read all my posts, then you know I’m bitter. As I know for sure that I haven’t even read them all, I’m pretty sure I’m bitter about everyone. And you’re welcome for nothing.
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