I hope all you completely deserving people that don’t have to work Monday and Tuesday or Thursday and Friday, don’t have anything bad happen to you, like a Yule log smog incident, or a sleigh slaying, a snowball fall, or a frozen hose. That would be a tragedy if that happened. Because you know that the people who are there manning the phones and cash registers and entering the orders and braving the cold and early alarm clocks and cold early morning showers and utter dark blackouts don’t mind doing that stuff for you so your can enjoy your lazy mornings and leisurely breakfasts and last minute shopping trips for presents for not me. Don’t worry, we will make sure that you get everything you call us about done just right and on time. We will make sure all your needs are met exactly like you want them. No bitterness here at all. In case you did miss reading the last minute blogs I threw together this last week with no thought for you at all, and didn’t think about until one minute before I put finger to keyboard, because I care that little, here they are for you bitter smirks, you laisse faire attitudes and general apathetic malaise.
I posted a completely inane post about The Desolation of Smog and how I ended an Odyssey and started a Journey. It was an epic….failure of a post.
Then the debate about things that we are all thinking about right now, not what party to avoid or what gift to regift, but the great Crunchy Vs. Creamy debate. Don’t let this one divide your family when you get together for stuff. This one raged between me and my imaginary bitter friend Bitter Bane. (He was kind of angry and dark.)
Friday’s, as you know, are for Bitter Picture’s that explain in a 1000 words each, how bitter I felt about something that week, or other day in my life. This Friday was no exception. This Friday was dedicated to the Friday Picture Naughty List for all those who were observed to be naughty this year, by you know the Big Guy(yes, the NSA).
There were Bitter Twitter’s about stuff.
There were bitter comments about the Bitterness:
On the Desolation of Smaug:
“The was the most epic telling of buying a new car I have ever heard. I applaud you, Sir, for your arduous odyssey that ended in a journey.” MissTiffany
“There is nothing like the desolation of car shopping. We just recently paid off our newest chariot and are now payment free. The wallet is less bitter.” Kaela Moore
“Quite the epistle! And now, an empty wallet – who would have guessed it would end that way?” SJ Powers
The Bitter Crunch Vs. Plain Debate:
“Vegemite all the way. Forget peanut butter. It’s not bitter enough for you.” Daile
“Bitter Ben, I would so love to join you on the crunchy side. There’s crunch bars, which are like crunchy heaven, and cheetos, oh the cheesy crunchy goodness! Sometimes I eat them just to hear them crunch. But, the truth is, I cheat on the crunchy side all the time. Sometimes you need something smooth and chocolatey to put in smores. Then other times they don’t have the crunchy cheetos (the abomination!) and it’s not like you can just NOT have cheetos, right?” Miss Four Eyes
“Righteous crunchy- hands down. Also, that bulb smashing video was AWESOME. I’m in that kind of mood. Totally made my morning.” Extreme Mom
Friday Bitter Pictures – Naughty Picture Edition –
“That pyramid thingy makes me want to stab myself.” Mollytopia
“My heart hurt when I saw that pyramid crumble. That’s what super glue is for, people!” Lizi
“All of those gifs are epic! I’m showing my kids when they get home!” Vivblog
Now some Bitter Bonus Pictures:
On Winter Maturity:
Stoplight practice…
Fridge practice:
Face kick practice:
So hey, people that get this vacation, I hope nothing bad happens to you. I hope your car doesn’t break down, or and icicle doesn’t go through your roof, or you don’t get sick the whole. Cause I’m not bitter. Not at all.
Bitter Yule Pay for getting vacation that I don’t Ben
Related articles
- In case you missed it…because you were out shopping (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- If you missed it…you were probably in a tryptophan coma (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Origins & Traditions ☃ Yule Logs (bellemorgen.wordpress.com)
Pingback: In case you missed it…because you were playing with your shiny new toys | Ben's Bitter Blog
I bitterly wish I had saved a vacation day for today. There’s no way to salvage what’s happened here in my absence in one day. I’m giving up until 2014.
LikeLike
I bitterly wish people in my group would stop planning to take this holiday until 2019, so I finally get a chance at it.
LikeLike
What you said about the Smaug one really cracked me up. I would’ve left failure out of it, but you have an imagine to maintain here, so understandable.
Okay. Who is the moron that thought knocking a 20ft clumping of massive icicles (guesstimation) off a roof next to a street would be a good idea? That guy.
I want to know how to throw a bottle into a fridge like that other guy. Not that I think I could ever do it, but if I could…it would help with laziness.
>.>
Also. Drexting? Amazing.
LikeLike
I have a very particular skill called self deprecation. It is my way of not only appearing humble, while I am really not, but a way of bringing attention to something and people saying, “No way. That really was an epic post.” In other words, a really good way to weasel out a compliment. It works for me on all levels.
As far as the drexting, I had to clarify it, so people knew I was talking about driving and not drinking.
LikeLike
Haha
I’ll weasel out of compliments any time I can manage it.
Yes, I can see how that might potentially get a bit confusing…
LikeLike
You are always weaseling out of compliments. It’s gonna be harder to do the more people that read your book. Just get used to it.
LikeLike
Haha, we’ll see about that. Maybe there will be an influx of people who hate it at some point and I will get the word garbage quite often. There’s no compliment there. 🙂
LikeLike
Yes, self sabatoguer. I’m pretty good at that too. I just like to call it pre-emptive humbling.
LikeLike
Sabotoguer. We can say that’s a fancy way of saying saboteur (like it needed to be more fancy). Now you’re probably thinking, ‘How could that make it more fancy?’
And I say we pronounce it like… sab-oh-too-zhay. Or… sab-oh-to-zhoor.
>.>
ANYWAY.
Preemptive humbling is one of the most spectacular things I’ve ever heard.
LikeLike
I totally forgot about the sabateur thing. Whoops. It is my intelligence that forces me to make up so many words I guess.
Sabotoguer is the dorky way to say it.
LikeLike
Good thing I embrace my dorkdom. 😛
LikeLike
I haven’t had a choice when it comes to be a dork. I would be one whether I embraced it or not.
LikeLike
So would I. That’s the point in embracing it. 🙂
LikeLike
I guess we are both just a bunch of dorks. I’m okay with that. 🙂
LikeLike
Me too. 🙂
LikeLike
VEGEMITE!!!! Delightfully bitter
LikeLike
Bitter…Seahawks lost, missed ferry, now this…
LikeLike
Why did they lose? They just kind trying to find a way to give that game away.
LikeLike
Aaaah hahaha you always have the best gifs, I want to see your search history…
LikeLike
I think it would just be easier to send a few links to places you could go. I don’t think you want to go to the bitter places I go to.
LikeLike