He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows when you’ve good or bad, so be good for goodness sake. Stalker! So you watch me sleep? Did the NSA put you up to this? Sounds like you should be on the naughty list! It’s that day of the week where we get to slack off at work get all our last minute work done, and head off into the bitter sunset called Friday night at 3:31 pm (or 4:00, or 5:00, or 6:00 pm, depending on how much your job and boss hate you) where we go interesting places(home) and do interesting things (melt into the couch) and do things that our bosses can’t yell at us for. We go where we can either bitterly annoy people or be bitterly annoyed by people. Just remember Bitter Santa is watching what you are doing. Here are a few already on the naughty list:
Cheaters….
Cheater! You are not allowed to hit your face!
The pushees…..
Come on Orange Team! You can’t get in the way of the guy pushing you out of the way!
Those driving without a license…
Can I see your driver’s license Carl?
Those not wearing seat belts….
You are flying well below the minimum 10,000 feet FAA regulations skateboard accidents.
Wall abusers….
Maam are you aware that in this state you are not allowed to hit a wall?
Cats making messes in garages…
You were not cleared for landing!
Jay walkers almost hitting cars with its cane…
Jay walking…
Some people getting off task…
No piece on earth…
Illegally entering in human jump roping contests…
This is a human jump roping contest!
So just remember Bitter Santa is watching and by that I mean, his elves are watching, because Bitter Santa will be sleeping most of this weekend and has no time to be watching what you are doing unless you happens to be on the ESPN or NBC.
Arrrrrgggghhhh
Bitter Santa Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
i don’t think carl has a license, but he sure is adorable
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Who is Carl? The guy right next to me at work?
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he could be or he could be the man who named me, when i was a baby at my naming .he owned a shoe store or he could be the cute dog in the seat belt driving
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So your dad then? Godfather?
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my hebrew name. i think he is like a g-dfather…my daddy’s best friend, little caesar ,his nickname..must have something to do w/ pizza.
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OHhhhhh Carl is your hebrew name. Why didn’t you say so?
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lol.. that’s even funnier than my hebrew name…carl spelling
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what would you say my hebrew name would be.
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that’s funny b/c all men have ben in their name, but benjamin, i don’t know… like you are —- ben —-
ben means son of..maybe if your father was ben, you could be : ben ben ben, ben son of ben….of course ben can’t be ben though
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My name is Ben David Gardner and my dad’s name is David, so my name literally means son of David Gardner.
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lol.if i was a boy my name was going to be david allen
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My brother was going to be charlotte, so he named his new daughter that.
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doesn’t she have to move to n.c. if her name is charlotte
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she is in DC so it wouldn’t be much of a drive.
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i think dc is more fun than nc… or mc hammer
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I guess I will find out when I go there.
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i wish i was there.when will you go there?
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Probably in June or July or some other month.
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lol are you sure you will go during a month
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maybe at some point in this year. or not.
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so some month in some year? that’s awfully specific.
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I can’t get any more specific.
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you shouldn’t have to..that’s specific enough
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ben david ben david ..my name is sholomis tememo bas mayer
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google says binyamin.son of the south or son of my right hand….who is the son of my left hand?
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My dad is right handed so it means exactly right.
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boy i sure am glad they knew you dad was going to be right handed 5000 years ago.
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I didn’t even know how to tie my shoes 5000 years ago.
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i don’t even know how to tie your shoes now
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Good thing I wear slip ons.
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it’s a good thing..me too
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Pingback: The Bitter End…of the Year | Ben's Bitter Blog
I was trying to read the first part of this, and all I kept seeing was that chick hitting herself in the face. I could probably watch that all day. Or at least for a a few minutes. XD
By the way…yes, walking through the middle of a street like that is TOTALLY a good idea.
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Walking through the middle of a busy intersection is always a good idea, especially when the weather is bad, it is dark, and you have no bright clothes on. That person was lucky to live.
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Oh yes, fantastic idea. XD
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That jaywalker had no business hitting that car.
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I know right? I hate when people are running into cars and destroying their self esteems.
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Pingback: In case you missed it…because you were entranced by a Yule Log | Ben's Bitter Blog
I’m bitter that you don’t like cats. I am sending you a large hairball so you can see for yourself how soft and fluffy they are. And friendly…much friendlier than, say my dog. As soon as he realizes he isn’t getting a cookie he basically says f-you and leaves. hmmm…that gave me some insight into my last couple of…oh nevermind. Bitterness ensues.
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I believe that I am entitled to my opinion on not liking cats. Perhaps I lost my arm to a cat scratching incident or had a pet mouse that got eaten by our family cat. Would that be enough to be bitter about cats?
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The dog lover in me just laughed heartily at the cat scene. Not that I would ever wish harm onto a cat. wishing you a great new year ahead. cheers
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They always land on their feet, so I think it will be okay.
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I’m glad Rory is more agile than the cat above. It’s hard enough respecting an animal that buries its poop in a box.
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You really need to film Rory in the off chance that he makes an error and you can sell it to the gif people on the web.
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Carl is cool.
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He’s straight chillin. Which is saying a lot since you are a cat.
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I don’t discriminate. Cool is cool.
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Too bad I’m not as cool as him.
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That pyramid thingy makes me want to stab myself.
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It is because of a bitter past experience you had with a Jenga game?
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Wishing you a very bitter Christmas 🙂
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And definitely a bitter new year.
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That was bitterly BEAUUUTIFUL! The cat was the best. Probably because cats are such aloof assholes. Thank you for the belly laugh.
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I kinda wish the cat would have jump roped like the dog did and got entangled.
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wait a minute – you don’t like cats?
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Nope. Do you?
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I am going to take that as sarcasm. We cats are perceptive that way. You have probably also noticed that we gravitate toward people who don’t like us just to make them bitter.
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I’m glad you could see right through me. Cats are so smar at seeing right through us humans. How could I possibly not like cats?
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What she said. Exactly.
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I’m glad that we all agree about cats.
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My heart hurt when I saw that pyramid crumble. That’s what super glue is for, people!
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Maybe he thought they were playing Jenga and removed the wrong piece.
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Uhhh…whoopsies.
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Time to start over I guess.
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Loved the failed launch of the kitty.
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He should know better than get on the car. Stinkin’ cat!
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I have it on authority cats think cars are sand mounds.
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That is because they are formed from old dinosaur bones.
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Hilarious. Thanks.
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My pictures and gifs are mad at me because I am taking all the credit.
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Well, I was talking about your first paragraph too.
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Well, my first paragraph thanks you too.
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All of those gifs are epic! I’m showing my kids when they get home!
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So they can see what happens when they aren’t good for Bitter Santa?
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You make Christmas so much fun naughty Ben.
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By fun you mean bitter right?
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Bitter to the last cup of egg nog….
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As I can’t stand egg nog you are definitely right. Egg Nog for the loss.
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Goes double for me!
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Is it just made of rotten milk and cheese?
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Looks like it to me not that I would know. Being lactose-intolerant, and because it looks just awful, never tried it.
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That would be a great excuse to not have to drink it. Perhaps I need to be intolerant.
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Just say your allergic
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I’m allergic to anything sweet. I only do bitter.
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Oh of course… What was I thinking
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What I meant to say ( before my cat tried to help me write this) is you are already plenty intolerant. So just say you’re allergic.
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I guess I was just saying that I am intolerant…about everything.
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Those first two gifs win Christmas.
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They win bitter Christmas.
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Seriously laughing at the guy with the pyramid thing. No one should have that much time on their hands…. and if they do, they should be doing something more productive like creating a body impression on their couch. =)
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But everyone should have enough time to see him make that pyramid melt like ice in a toaster.
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Dear Bitter Santa,
This Christmas, I want the ability to bitterly annoy people instead of the other way around. I won’t let you down. Promise.
Bitterly yours,
MFE
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Your wish shall be granted, uh, I mean I will tell Bitter Santa your request.
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Lol, yay pictures that move! That ref was looking up at the ball and totally didn’t see big afro kid push orange team kid.
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Isn’t that just about every ref? If you pay them enough, they can blow just about any call.
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i love every second of the pinata scene.
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She really nailed that scene didn’t she?
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