As the rise in popularity of comic book movies like the Green Lantern, Daredevil and Ghost Rider, bitter debates have naturally occured between the different heroes and superheroes. Blogs, Facebook and Twitter are aflutter about the merits of what hero is better at what. Who is more devil-like, Daredevil or Ghost Rider? Who is greener, Green Lantern or the Hulk? Far off in an obscure corner of superhero debatedom is two of the most insignificant heroes toiling away in obscurity. The generically named Superman and Batman. Somehow, a movie featuring these little-known “heroes” got greenlit by some spoiled brat producer, who is only a producer because his dad has fat stacks of cash inside his Scrooge McDuck vault. Seeing that he had no more islands to waste his money on, he decided to plunge $200 million into this sinkhole of a franchise.
To me, the only merits of these two superheros is the ideals they represent. Both are introverts that like to avoid crowds and wear costumes because of how ordinary they are. They really only dress up so they can disperse crowds. As we all know, the weaknesses of introverts is crowds, people that like to incessantly babble at parties and confrontation. Is it any wonder the Bruce Wayne tries to end parties because there is an “emergency” somewhere? Why does Clark Kent always seem to be gone whenever some sort of “confrontation”? The reason why I like Superman more? Because he is much better at creating space.
In the real estate we call personal space (the amount of space where a person feels comfortable with another person), some people are comfortable in a 10 sq. foot trunk of a Cadillac shared with 20 people. On the other end of the spectrum is me, where I can barely handle one other person on my Montana sized ranch. If you are not in my immediate family, or have not received an embossed and engraven invitation you better step off the ranch because my security, called The Evil Eye Body Language guards will escort you from the premises. If you are not well versed in body language, I will call my interpreters over called, “I’ve got to get an appetizer,” and they will be more than happy to tell you to go away.
Let’s be realistic here. We live in a place called earth with only 7 billion other people. Some may say that this world is way overpopulated and they would be right because I can only tolerate about .0000001% of you, and I know you can’t tolerate me, but come on. Some cities may be overcrowded, but I grew up in a place called South Dakota. It may be cold there, but there is 77,184 sq. miles of space there (give or take 77,000 miles) and I’m pretty sure humans only take about 7 of those. That leaves a heck of a lot of space for the extroverts to gather. And if you still can’t find any space available on land, there is a whole lot more under the ocean. Just ask Ariel if there is overcrowding under there. Grow a set of gills for goodness sake.
If you extroverts need to be near people, that’s fine, gather yourselves in one big community fraternity/maternity hall and talk to your eyes fall out, enjoy your Black Friday riots, and your holiday parties. Heck, we will give you a small city in the middle of South Dakota, where you can talk about the weather all day, which will ironically keep your temperatures warm. All I know is that you all need to spread out because I need some space. Cause if you don’t, me and the Supes are going to have to fly off into our seperate corners of the universe in order to get some peace, quiet and video games playing.
Arrrrgggghhhh
You Bitter “Give me Some Space” Ben
Related articles
- A Guide To Understanding Introverts (lifehack.org)
- Understanding Introverts (saywhagain.wordpress.com)
- Personal space? What personal space? (pinkgis.com)
“They really only dress up so they can disperse crowds.” Bitter perfection.
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Even the sunniest of superheros has a dark side. Or just wanna not be bothered to save the world for a second.
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Pingback: In case you missed it…You were out in the cold | Ben's Bitter Blog
I worry that if I ever did manage to get on another planet, I’d get stuck with a close-talker that just happened to be there. There would be no escape after that. Stuck with a personal space intruder for the rest of eternity!
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Dang, how could I forget that aliens from other planets could possibly be more annoying than our aliens.
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2 recent reasons to enjoy personal space. I’m stocking cheese and a woman runs over my foot. She can’t figure out why the cart won’t move so she backs up and pushes harder. Another day, doing the same thing, a woman reaches over me. She doesn’t want the front package so she pushes behind it, knocking a pound of cheese onto my head.
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Sounds like you have cheese accidents there in Wisconsin. Just so you know, I pretty much eat half your state and most of the moon in cheese every year.
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ahhhhh you’re the one
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Sorry about your state, and the size of the moon tonight.
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You make some very fine points here, Ben, mostly in that Superman is the best hero of them all. (Dad and I were watching Lois and Clark last night…I love that series, maybe even more than Smallville…)
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Yep, because he can go to space and not have to worry about Lois following him when they get in a fight.
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Maternity hall? LOL I’ve always wanted to live in a commune.
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You and the extroverts would love it.
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A Maternity Hall Commune? Still laughing… Whoa. Hang on. As I was incessantly babbling… One of my eyes fell out… Can’t see to type…
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You could even be the headmistress for the Maternity Hall.
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Is South Dakota the one with Mount Rushmore?
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Yep, right there next to despair and desolation.
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lol!!
Jesus, you’re from South Dakota? That explains a lot: the bitterness, desire of isolation and craving food that’s bad for you! Plus, you like Superman?!! You poor thing, you didn’t stand a chance!
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It also explains why I hate snow and cold and so forth..
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So you moved to Seattle, which makes sense.
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Now I hate the rain and trees. Go figure.
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Well, if you moved down here (So Cal), you’d hate the narcissistic assholes, worst, rude drivers, and… well, you’d love the weather.
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I was born there so of course I would hate all the people. But at least I could bitterly hate all the restaurants down there with you.
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I didn’t know you were born down here! Where?
Talking about restaurants, I’m on Breakroom Stories as we speak! So friggin’ funny! Ever wait tables? Oh wait, you must have if you lived down here…lol!
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I was born in Pasadena, in a hospital right near a horse race track? But I was only 6 when we left so I don’t remember much. I did wait tables when I was 5 though while I was waiting on call backs.
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Now that’s talent! I can see the early beginnings of bitterness…
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My bitter face didn’t get me many callbacks. And by many I mean none.
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I’m with you on the space thing.
The company I work for in the UK is American owned and it freaks me out when americans from our parent company visit the UK and insist on standing too close to me when we’re talking.
What I’d like to do is push them away. Instead, I take a pace or two backward to create a comfortable (to me) distance between us but invariably they compensate by taking a step closer, trying to narrow the gap. At which I take a further step back and they . . .
I’m convinced they’ve all gone to some lecture on how to establish an instant rapport with customers or colleagues that tells them to make eye contact, use first names, make physical contact, and shorten the distance between them and whoever they’re talking to
How else to explain meetings follow the same format ?
A handshake is accompanied by moving in close and placing the other hand on my shoulder, and instead of letting go my hand they continue to shake it while over-using my name as in . .
Hi, duncan. Good to see you, duncan. Heard a lot about you, duncan. Wanted to meet you, duncan, for a long time. You’ve been doing a great job, duncan. Let’s get together later, duncan for a chat, etc, etc
They’ve known me for two minutes, yet act like we’re best friends who have known each other for years. The truth is far from making me like them, what I want to do is tell them to f*ck off, let go my hand, take their other hand off my shoulder, and get the hell out of my personal space. Ggrrrr !
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I can’t believe it was American’s that didn’t give you space either. I always thought that most of us required more than just about everyone. I guess UK needs even more then?
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I hear ya! All day I send out “Get the hell away from me” vibes. I have often envied Superman and his Fortress of Solitude. How do I get me one of those? Do I need a cape?
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No cape needed, just the ability to fly, which it looks like you are doing in your picture of high heels.
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Scrooge McDuck vault…nice.
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I’d like to swim there someday.
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My general rule is if I can estimate the temperature of someone’s breath is or determine what they had for lunch, they’re not respecting the perimeter.
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