If you missed it…you were probably in a tryptophan coma

/ bensbitterblog
In case you missed the Fresh Press.

Have a seat.  You’ve been in a coma.  You don’t remember that this is your favorite blog to trash.

A long time ago (a whole Thursday ago), you went to someone’s house that didn’t like you, and you didn’t like them, but you were forced to because they insisted that you not sit at home alone blissfully playing video games or laying on the couch.  You drove three hours to get to their house, just so you could wait three more, without a wifi password or a TV that you couldn’t see from space.  The football game you were watching was the Raiders, who, come on really the Raiders? Finally you were able to stop small talking to your relative of a relative that had relatively nothing in common with you, and you took your first bite of turkey, officially making it Christmas and now, you wake up on Monday morning to an alarm that is telling you have to go to work. (First clue that you just woke up from a coma? Your alarm is talking to you.)  In that time, several things have happened.  You missed some riots, some more small talk from relatives and some blog posts from your least favorite blog. (That’s mine since your memory is shot.)

So, what did you miss?

Some posts: I started a toy company.  Don’t get too worried.  I named it Bitter Dreams Toy Company and it is totally not going bankrupt because of your lack of orders.  Thanks very little everyone who didn’t buy anything.

On Thursday, (the day you went into a coma) I wrote about an especially bitter day for Tum’s (with the exception of a few lucky ones).  They looked forward with anticipation to that day and being let down was especially bitter.

Then on Friday, I did my typically lazy and boring photos with captions and something bitter about each in Thanksgiving Friday Pictures Bitterness.

You might have also missed some Bitter Twitters:

You might have missed some Bitter Comments:

Bitter Dreams Toy Company:

“Not to be negative or anything, but I’m sure you know these products already exist. However, I do think you could make them more exclusive by raising the price 20%-30% and advertising only in exclusive magazines.” Cat9984

“The pictures you find crack me up every time!! Toys for the Detailed picture is like a scary version of where’s waldo.” Life Full of Jules

“Bitter Dreams Toy Company, do you make a jack in the box where jack never comes out? I know just the annoying kid to give it too *rubs palms together supervillian style*” Miss Four Eyes

Tum’s Bitterly Favorite Day:

” Hm….now I know what to fill my husband’s Christmas stocking with this year. All day yesterday he sat on the couch grumbling, “I can’t breathe! I’m having a heart attack!” I was like, um, no, you just ate your weight in turkey…” She’s a Maineiac

“Mmmm Tums.  I used to eat those like candy when I was in Mexico. Crunchy, chalky, delicious.” Aussa Lorens

“LOL so tums who work out hard get to become extra strength…are nexium like the navy seals of tums?” Erinn Spelling

Thanksgiving Friday Pictures Bitterness:

” Happy Thanksgiving and day after Black Friday!  I sought refuge from all the bitter Black Friday fights and stayed home…and that might be the only time I’m NOT bitter about not shopping! :)” Lucky Wreck

“It’s no fun watching the fire when you don’t have a fireplace. We had start using furniture to keep ours going.” Katie

“Can you believe I actually went shopping on Black friday to save money on SOCKS!!?? How pathetic!” Perfection Pending

I found some bonus pictures:

Panda Thanksgiving Coma.

Panda Thanksgiving Coma.

flip

Opened my door without keys.

Had some nice healthy lasagna for dinner.

Had some nice healthy lasagna for dinner.

Hopefully waking up from your coma will help you forget most of you good life and you can learn to focus on the bitterness, like me.

Arrggghhhh

Bitter Forgiter Ben

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134 thoughts on “If you missed it…you were probably in a tryptophan coma”

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  8. I like bitter because than I don’t feel like such an ass for being bitter. You hit all the nails on their subsequent heads. I had thanksgiving just down the street with people I adore and laughed my ass off. BUT. Then drove the next day 5 hours somewhere I detest to sit in a hoarder’s house on a couch I’m quite sure is infested with mice. Stepped in a hairball. Left reeking of cig smoke and despair. Ahhh, family. If you can’t laugh about it…..drink a lot of wine.

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    • My cousins are weird too, being all magically talented at playing instruments and being all talented by the time they can breathe. Don’t they know they are supposed to be untalented like the rest of our family?

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