It’s Black Friday, so that means I assume everyone is out getting pummeled by other people just so they can a TV that is worth a $1000 for $900. The Waltons are probably at home enjoying the cameras outside their Walmart for Black Friday Fight Club. Before we talk about Black Friday tragedies, let’s just review the Bitter Day in Friday Bitter Picture style.
First, time for the easy 13 hour drive to your cousin’s uncle’s neighbor’s friends house:
We played I spy on the way. I spy something Coming right for us!
Then we met some of the quality relative that we haven’t seen
This is my Uncle Bruce Wayne. He likes to dress up as a Bat and save Gotham. He kept talking about his dead parents.
The kids were just a delight to meet.
All we asked them to do was get a drink.
Meeting the adults was even more fun.
So sweet to each other.
Food was eaten and eaten and eaten. Then after we got full, we ate some more.
Went to McDonald’s after cause we were still hungry.
We got sleepy.
The turkey sleepy thingy kicked in.
Went outside to work off the turkey.
Did some Parkour. Nailed it. (Ha ha get it?)
Took the dog for a walk.
Dog nailed it much better.
Sat around watching the fire.
Sat around and watched the world burn.
Now all we had to look forward to was waking up early to watch the Black Friday Fights.
Let the magic of the season begin.
Have a Bitter Thanksgiving.
Arrrrrrgggggghhhhh
Bitter Turkey Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
I like how you called it “parkour.” Hilarious. Although the dog version definitely qualifies. Remember you once asked about films I’ve made? One of them is a 30 second parkour piece, a spec commercial: http://youtu.be/84zB1lIZtZs
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I should have called it “barkour”. I totally missed that chance! I’m gonna check out your YouTube work. I did one that was totally bad.
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What do you mean by spec commercial? I really enjoyed that one. Many years ago when I was in my idealistic phase, I wanted to be a copywriter at an ad agency.
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I tailored it to be a ketchup commercial, spec being that nobody hires you – you do the job first, then hope the company buys it from you.
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Well, if I was Mr. Heinz or Mr. Hunt I would have been asking for this commercial spec.
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Ugh, that black friday gif is just horrible. But the one with the flipping dog reminded me of a dream I had last night where I would spontaneously start doing flips because the ground I walked on became like a trampoline. It. Was. Awesome.
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Waiting in line and being in crowds are my least favorite things so you can imagine how little I liked that gif.
You got to do parkour in your dream? Jealous, except I flew once.
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I’ve always wanted to fly…
There was also a tornado and no basements in that dream so it was sort of a wash.
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Sounds like you have a lot of “tornadoes” in your life.
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Holy ^&%^$%*$%^% are you alright?
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Just as bitter as ever.
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There are better sales to fight for. Was quite content watching NFL all day (and winning)!
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I laid around and didn’t do anything.
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Happy Thanksgiving and day after Black Friday! I sought refuge from all the bitter Black Friday fights and stayed home…and that might be the only time I’m NOT bitter about not shopping! 🙂
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I just couldn’t wait to get in line to not go out and do any Black Friday shopping. It was quite a crazy day of avoiding the crowds and lines.
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It’s no fun watching the fire when you don’t have a fireplace. We had start using furniture to keep ours going.
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We had a fun time burning down Bruce Wayne’s manner. It was weird though because he seemed to have a weird obsession with Batman. He had some weird cave dedicated to all his Batman paraphenilia. He even had a car that was almost an exact duplicate of the Batmobile.
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My favorite part about this day every year is that all the horrible videos of crazed shoppers finally make it to the news. There really is nothing as depressing as watching people slug each other over TVs. Especially as they grapple over strollers. I mean, who the hell brings kids to that madness? I stay home and hide all day. I do not want to deal with crazed, sleep deprived, fanatical shoppers. It makes me bitter. And when I’m bitter, I take out my pepper spray.
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I’ll make sure to avoid you when you become bitter.
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Black Friday madness makes me bitter.
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I can’t imagine why riots for marginally better prices would make anyone bitter.
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God, that last one was scary. O.O
Took away all the things I possibly could’ve said about the others. Holy hell. O.o
(I guess double holy hell at the first one, too.)
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I found one similar to the first one too and I was like how do people record these things? Do they pull out their cameras just so they record almost getting killed?
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I’ve wondered about that before – also wondered how people get so lucky to catch the crazy things they manage to (all the fall-fails, etc.). But the driving ones blow my mind. Because, yes, whipping out your cameras while you’re driving is smart in general. Really though – how would they know ‘I’m about to get killed’. Then …. I THINK I’LL RECORD IT!
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I feel bad because one time I was recording my son riding his bike and he fell. I stopped immediately and I would never post that on Youtube or whatever. So mean!
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But…you still have it, right?
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I actually lost all my photos in an unfortunately accident. By unfortunate accident, I mean I accidently erased all my photos.
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Did you really? 😦
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Yeah. I was trying to delete a few, but ended up erasing all of them. You Tube will never know of the bike incident now.
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Oh no, that’s horrible!
And what a shame…
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The only one happy about that is my son. Too bad his future would have been secure if it was posted on YouTube.
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Reblogged this on Be happy in life and commented:
I love it
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Ohhhhh, did I need that. Thank you. I’ve been trapped in a house with bored kids and a cranky spouse and a botched renovation project since Tuesday.
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Talk about some cabin fever. Perhaps you need a Black Friday disaster in order to get over your cabin fever blues.
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Can you believe I actually went shopping on Black friday to save money on SOCKS!!?? How pathetic!
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I wouldn’t believe it unless I saw it! There’s no way! You don’t have evidence!
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Your best blog ever! Dripping with sarcasm, and not at all sentimental in any way. Oh and that “Watching wood burn” stuff, now that, was HYSTERICAL. I never understood the staring into the fire thing either…. Sooooo funny!
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Sitting around watching the world burn is a hobby of mine. Isn’t that everyones?
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the little guy with the hose and the big guy with the pole are my kind of people )
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do you have any gifs of you falling like the guy on the pole? If you did, you’d be internet famous.
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So good.
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The Black Friday shoppers are my favorite to watch. As long as it is them and not me.
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That was me in the front there, of the crowd. Did you see me? I ate several extra helpings of turkey and stuffing so I had some heft. Also it contributes to my gravitas. Some people call it intimidation but that’s because they have crap vocabularies. I didn’t get any bargains, tho. I was too busy having fun trampling people. I had to chase this one couple all over the store. They were quick.
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I prefer the videos of other people getting trampled. Wish I had access to the Walton’s cameras. All time favorite.
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This year I went on-line for the sales. Last year they were incredible. This year they’re the same thing I’ve seen several other times during the year. (1) It’s not an online sale until there’s free shipping and (2) I’ll wait until Cyber Monday to see if there’s anything worth my time and money.
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I’ll wait until Christmas eve to see if there are way better sales as the retailers get more desperate.
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that silly dog uses her foot to do a summersault bitter turkey ben.
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Dogs doing parkour better than most humans.
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i learned a new word.i would rather have a park hour sitting on the soft park bench.
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my son uses that word on a regular basis and he is only 6.
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lol.i guess i am a little slow & he is very smart..he’s 6 :is the pepsi party truck going to bring him pepsi,ice cream & a cake for his birthday or did they?
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he prefers the doctor. Dr. Pepper.
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lol how adorable….but i don’t think they have a dr pepper party truck when you turn 6…
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We should have done that for his 6th.
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rewind the clock or get a time machine from sheldon on the big bang theory
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I was just watching bob’s burgers. love the old ben katz.
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you saw the one where dr katz was the school principal on hulu ? i saw that a few weeks ago..or did you see the 2 that were on fox last night?
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two that were on cartoon network. it was the one where the girl had to suitors for prom.
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oh really. i didn’t realize he was on that one. i wasn’t listening..
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you were too busy laptopping?
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my brain goes in & out…i am always doing 10 things at once, but i don’t do windows….& you know haiku just jump in your head & interrupt
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