Bitter Review of the Summer

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Finally the Bitter Summer can be left behind.

Finally the Bitter Summer can be left behind. The sun looks pretty bitter.

Contrary to popular belief the summer didn’t end when the kids went back to school.  Nor did it end when the weather started being rainy, cloudy and coldy.  Or when all the over budgeted, under storied movies started leaving the multiplexes.  Summer’s bitter reign of terror ended when the clock struck midnight and her slipper fell off her foot and fall picked it up and began its rain(and clouds) of terror.  So as we look back in bitterness at the summer we just let’s do a bitter review of it reign.

My kid's expectations for summer. (Weirdos.)

My kid’s expectations for summer. (Weirdos.)

My kids expectations of this summer were high.  Their expectation was to make the most of their summer by preparing for next fall by doing loads of math problems, reading for several hours a day, and desiring to visit museums in order to educate them and get them ready for the school season.  In the few hours they had left when they weren’t doing algebra and geometry they would spend doing outdoor activities like riding bikes and breathing in outdoor air.  Luckily, I was able to intercept those plans by letting them try a small electronic device once.  Soon, a magical spell was cast over them and they were hypnotized by the game.  For most of the summer they were taken over and kidnapped by the small devices like I planned, but somehow, the broke the curse and threw the devices to the side and started studying again.  I would have tried to get them back, but I am too lazy, so math and reading won in the end. Curses to you, learning and growing.  Next thing you know, you will want them to learn in school too.

Overhead view of what I wanted to do this summer.

Overhead view of what I wanted to do this summer.

As far as expectations for us, they were also very high.  We expected a full summer of activities, trips, sitting by the pool and not working.  We would first go to Hawaii, find a nice lazy river(named after me) and remain there for a week.  Occasionally I would move, possibly to the hotel to sleep or to a restaurant where they would feed me food, but that would be the extent of moving.  Then we would rent a motor home, travel across the country from state to state where we take pictures of signs of states, sleeping all the way, while our motor home driver does all the driving.  I would watch the newest overbudgeted, under storied movie in the theater room.  Unfortunately, we were sabotaged by our work bosses that kept saying that we had to work if we wanted to keep our overworked underpaid jobs.  If it wasn’t for that and all the money it would have cost to pay for all those things, our plan would have happened.  Curse you two things!

The terrible view of the outdoors this summer.

The terrible view of the outdoors this summer.

Luckily, the weather was really nice…when I was inside.  Each and every moment that I was inside doing work, or inside laying on the couch, or writing things down for a blog or a book, the weather was nice.  But as soon as I went outside, bright sun would get in my eyes, the air conditioning stopped working and my knees started hurting (all the walking).  None of the typical bitter rain, cloudy skies and harsh bitter wind penetrating through my clothes I have come to expect here in Seattle.

The worst part of all was that I didn’t fall into a vat of toxic acid.  How am I supposed to become a super powered villain to a bunch nice guys trying to save the world when I can’t even find a nuclear powerplant or a secret scientist’s lab full of secret military experiments? Yeah they are pretty rare to find, but I guy has a dream.  Why must summer stand in the way of me achieving my nightmares?

Rating for this summer:  2 bitter rhubarbs out of 153.  And only because allowed me use a vacation day for the 4th day of July.  I felt really independent.  Although I couldn’t sleep that night because I kept hearing all these bombs going off all night.  Was there a war or something going on that day?

Bitter Summer Ben

 

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49 thoughts on “Bitter Review of the Summer”

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  6. My summer couldn’t decide which season it wanted to be. One day it’s hot and we’re sweating like crazy, the next day it’s raining and so cold that I’m wearing two shirts and hiding under a blanket.

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  13. I’m not bragging, and you may be bitter about this, but now YOU and Abraham Lincoln have both endorsed my blog. Thanks so much!! If you want, I can put in a good word with him and see if he will endorse your blog,too.

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    • If I were you, I would be really bitter that you had the Lincoln endorsement, the one that ushered in the 13th amendment, ended the war and gave the most famous speech in the history of the world and then my bitter endorsement. You really need to rethink who endorses you.

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  15. I’m bitter that summer has come to an end. The good news? Florida weather will continue to be warm for another month or 2. The bad news? My idea of cold weather is anything under 70F. I think I was an iguana in another life.

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