Golden Corral Bitterness

/ bensbitterblog
Golden Corral promises that in the food arena.

Golden Corral wants you to have all their food, except if you want to take it with you.

Isn’t it everyone’s dream to have it all? The nice car, the nice house, and the nice family and even a picket fence? Not my dream either. In the arena of food, that is what the lure of an all you can eat, all different kinds of food, buffet style restaurant is all about.  We are suckers and we were hungry, so we decided to drive 40 miles out of our way to a Golden Corral that promised a piece of every type of food you could ever want.

Bitter Cat doesn't care.

Bitter Cat was at the next table over eating the fish.

We were so smart and that we got there before 4 o’clock so we could beat the crowds.  Unfortunately, everyone else in the area was smart just like us and did the same thing.  Apparantly other people have the same bad ideas that we do.  When we go there, not only was the parking lot full, but there was a line at the door.  I don’t know if you know anything about me, but lines make me bitter.  That is why I don’t do concerts, or Black Friday sales at Walmart or become one of the royal family.  Lines takes too long and most of the time there is just no reason for them.  Like on the freeway on our way home, the traffic slowed to a crawl, and we waited and waited for a reason why there would be any traffic at all, and when we got to where it let up, there was no accident, no police pulling people over.  Just annoying people not going 60 like they should have been.

"So, what are we waiting for?" "Our Troughs."

“So, what are we waiting for?” “Our Troughs.”

My inclination when I saw the line was to immediately turn back around and go somewhere else that didn’t have a line, like for instance McMyhouse in Lazytown, but we promised the kids that we would go there, so I’m trapped in between kid promise and long line.  It is a very akward place where I can’t yell at other people’s kids or a mob of hungry people will try to eat me.  Of course, everyone else in line is civilized like the family of two right in front of us, that turns quickly into family of four, then 8, then 16.  It went from couple to family reunion in about 2 minutes.  And who could beat the civilized family behind us who keep cutting in line to see how many people were ahead of them (sampling food each time) and causing me to move.  People should know how little I like moving.

After a few pottie breaks and half an hour later, we are now given the privilege of getting inside the running of the bulls restaurant and getting the privilege of paying 15 bucks each to eat “as much food as we want”.  They direct us to our trough table where we get some untensils.  We are then given free reign to eat whatever mediocre food we want in a crowd of loud, obnoxious other people.  Like an Indy 500 car(except slow) I weave my way in and out of traffic, hoping to score a tiny morsel of edible food.  I spot a chicken wing, a piece of tiny pizza and a thin cheese stick, speedily put that on the table, then go back to help indecisive, picky kids find something besides dessert.

Miraculously after the first tiny plate of “food” I am already full, but since I paid for an all you can eat, I go and get more crap.  Whether it looks good or not, I put it on my plate and eat it.  After my kids first tiny plates of “food” they go directly for the dessert.  Cotton Candy, ice cream, brownies, carrot cake.  All of a sudden, little people that couldn’t barely eat one pea, are able to expand their stomachs enough to pile in a year’s worth of deserts.  I don’t care though because I paid a ton for them to eat.

Since my kids have blue mouths from the three cotton candies they eat, and we feel as bloated as that kid in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, we decide to give up our table to the next victim that has been waiting for 40 minutes. Suckers!

Afterwards my daughter asks me why I didn’t like Golden Corral.  No reason…

Arrrrgghhhhh, I’m so full…

Bitter Bloated Ben

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101 thoughts on “Golden Corral Bitterness”

  3. someday when i have nothing new, you will have to read something in the 1st 10 months, where i wrote about golden corral almost every day.i had two choices fridays or GC in orlando…even after i went back & categorized uncategorized, i don’t think i listed golden corral.lol…but 1st post -where did you meet the avatar pyramid schemers at GC…when a bus comes & you eat there everyday, the manager opens a secret door & lets you go through, but it only works,if you take out, that day…..and you didn’t drive 40 miles for take out.

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  6. OK. Sometimes my fool self decides that Golden Corral is a brilliant idea!! And what makes it a brilliant idea in my head? They have kick ass rolls and amazing honey butter!! Yepp thats what makes me want to go. I will even grab “extra dollars” (like if you were going to a strip club) that way if the line is too long, I can beg the claw machine in the entrance to take my money and give me nothing in return. And EVERY single time..I tell myself I will eat healthy…I get a salad..TADA..I’m full. But hell no, I just paid a lot of money for all you can eat..I refuse to stop there…so lets get some fried chicken and mac n cheese and pizza and oh look shrimp! And what is that?? I HAVE NO IDEA but ima eat it! Ok now we are at exploding status! But i have to get dessert…especially with the chocolate fondue (which lets face it is nothing but cheap ass chocolate flowing out of a whatever it is!) and cottoncandy! THey have cotton candy…I’ll take 6 of those please. Now i’m begging to die!
    Why do I do this?

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  14. Ugh. That place makes me bitter, too. Except the rolls. “Crack rolls” we call them, because they are undoubtedly better than crack. They do not make up for the fact that you have to fight people for the last cut of mediocre (at best) steak, a wilted salad, and withering mac n’ cheese. No thanks.

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  15. Another great mediocre (but fairly priced) all you can eat place is Cicis Pizza. Do you have them out your way? They’re like a step up from Ellios pizza, but not quite up there with Dominos & Papa Johns. I don’t know why… but I love it. And now I’m starving….

    BTW – how is it that for kids, the green stuff is so filling but the brightly colored crap makes them insatiable? a mystery every parent has faced i imagine….

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    • We were actually commenting on Cici’s when we were there. We went to Cici’s twice when in Orlando and loved it because it was mostly pizza and pasta and it wasn’t crowded at all. We were taken care of by a nice staff and I could rest my weary Disney feet for about an hour. Sooo much better than the Corral.

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  16. I know not what the Golden Corral is, but I LOVE the name! It just embodies the humanity forced into lines, waiting their turn to eat fried golden food… and then on to the slaughterhouse? Truly sounds like the American Dream!

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  18. HAHAHA. Love this post. Oh my gosh, my kids LOVE Golden Corral and I….am not a fan. There are always loads of people there, the food, as you say, is mediocre and it’s not cheap! They are always asking me why we can’t go back (and unfortunately there is one right by our house). Ah but the lure of all you can eat is a true magnet for us Americans.

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  19. I love Golden Corral, but not the price. Each of my meals fits into one of those 1 1/5th cup plastic storage containers with a screw top. If I eat more than that in one sitting, I’m screwed. 🙂

    Once I had a friend who weighed about 550 pounds. We would walk into the all-you-can-eat places. I would have my 1 cup meal and he would eat more than my share of a normal portion, too. The look on the managers face was worth it.

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  20. Well, at least your kids got their diabetes for the day. Does the Corral there not carry the stigma that it does down here–a veritable white trash palace like say, Bonanza or Sizzler–complete with rusted Trans-Ams in the parking lot, mullets, and tank tops?

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