One of the few news anchors I can stand delivering the hard hitting news.
As a lifelong ignorer of news, I usually have no idea what is happening in Bosnia or Washington DC or even Seattle. Sure I’ve heard of the occasional Disney princess (Miley Virus anyone?) going awry or the forecast of an actual sunny day in Seattle, but the news interferes with me playing video games or napping, which are way more important than being informed about the world. Besides, I can’t expose my kids to such violence, terror and the once-in-a lifetime “good” news story that accidently makes it through editing of a newscast.
As I accidently left the news on when I ignorned the ending of a television show I was watching, I realized that there is all kinds of news out there: angry news, depressing news, good news (not reallly) but for some reason there is no bitter news. Clearly there is a market out there that is being untapped. Since I am the unnofficial and official spokesperson for bitterness(a dying art which I hope to revive), it is my responsiblity to start my own news and entertainment network. So I along with the help (by help I mean she did most of the work) of Amanda and her family from the blog Write in the Wrong Way (another slightly less bitter blogger) we have filmed our first episode of bitter news on the new Bitter Entertainment Network. We have searched a medium distance and found a small slice of old outdated news, sports, entertainment news and weather to bring you the first (and possibly last) episode of the Bitter News. So with ado, I present to you the badly teleprompter read(by me at least) news:
Arrrrghhhh, Stay Bitter Seattle (and every other place)
Bitter Entertainment Ben (BEB for short)
See Amanda’s much better blog over at Write in the Wrong Way. Feel free to go over to Youtube and comment too. If I get like a million hits, I get a free lollipop.
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- Quote Bitterizing (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
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Also:
Why does Prince Harry have an American accent?
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Because he was dragged into the filming of the interview kicking and screaming. Bare minimum effort. 😉
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Acceptable. 🙂
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I think I might be the worst Bittermalian ever, because you told me about this post, like, as long ago as you first posted it, and I couldn’t watch it right then, and then I forgot about it, so I’m only viewing it today.
Or else that makes me the BEST Bittermalian ever, because I’ll bet that makes you pretty bitter.
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Probably somewhere in the middle with everyone else ignoring it.
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Not ignoring. FORGETTING. There’s a difference. 😉
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Thanks for not completely forgetting.
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I’m glad I didn’t! Or did. Or . . . something.
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Bitter late than never.
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😀
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I loved Fin Kardashian the most, what a worthless human being. Kanye too. Blurg! That did make me more bitter.
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Finally I’m starting to get through to people.
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It was pretty awesome. And I like the part about your neighbor kids being royal babies.
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The next episode will be even lamer.
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Sounds awesome to me!
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You are a Lover of Lame (LOL)!
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I am, that’s my life in a nutshell.
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I’m in a nutshell. (Austin Powers.)
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I haven’t watchd that in forever!
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You need to.
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I’m sure you are the next Brian Williams! You could jump in while he’s out with a bad knee. So Seattle is it? Take 2 minutes off from being bitter and enjoy the fine weather we are having. It will be gray and wet soon enough and you’ll have 10 1/2 months to be bitter.
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I don’t know if I want to jump in because then I will also be out with a knee injury. Besides, I don’t want to replace him, I want my own network! Then he can work for me. Because I’m really bad at reading the news.
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Ha (and thank you for owning your political apathy early on)
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I thoroughly enjoy being neutral in politics. Because confrontation makes me bitter.
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There are many places you can get bitter news–all of them real news and not the feel-good crap on mainstream media. Look at RT (Russian TV) or Liberty Crier for great stuff.
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But none better than a whole network dedicated to it.
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Your multimedia capabilities astound me. I’m suddenly feeling very lazy. …Lazier than usual. Is this the beginning of BNN?
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Actually it is the start of B.E.N. It all started when I saw your video for your 100th post and I knew I wanted to do one myself. Months later, it finally made its way to the blog. It would be kind of fun to start a Blog News Network using a bunch of different bloggers reading parts and stuff. I would probably also replace myself “midseason” with Ryan Gosling though. I loved writing the script, but I could do without the acting. Amanda expressed interest in doing more, so if there is enough interest with others or even if there isn’t, I’ll probably do more.
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I would gladly do more, and it would be fun to collaborate with other bloggers too! PS- I don’t even know who Ryan Gosling is. I’m sure he’s not as bitter as you though!!!
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He may not be bitter like me but he is an actor so he could pretend enough to get people to watch our video.
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Ummm…move the teleprompter up 6-8 inches.
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Will do, Martin Scorsese. If I were me I would have suggested acting lessons and help with my painfully monotone voice, but you are the director…
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Ah…this is Spielberg.
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Hey I was doing my Paul Walker impression.
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Whose that?
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He’s the guy that is the cop in all those Fast and Furious movie. The blonde guy that can’t act.
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You mean Matthew McConnehey? Just kidding’. Is that how you spell his last name?
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Yeah, that guy. Except it is Paul Walker.
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I finally saw Paul Walker. Of all places–on Pinterest–shirtless. I have to say his attempts at acting like a ripped out hogtie were pretty good.
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So I can’t act like him and I don’t look like him. Double bitter.
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Ha!
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very well dressed .enjoyed the bitter news. only news i will watch from now on.
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Good. That is what I was counting on.
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count on me; first in line to bitter throne.
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Perhaps you could be a royal pillowholder.
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yes i can;i’m so good at holding pillows
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I’m good at sleeping on pillows.
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lol.i’m good at crying on pillows but not funny.oh my chiropractor says i’m good at swimming on pillows, when i sleep.one arm then other the other all night.
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I may sleep weird, but I don’t mess up my back by sleeping on my arm.
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actually i sleep on my arm to keep my neck from hurting, but now my arms hurt.lol
have you been sideways this whole time? i thought you were fixed.
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Nah, of course not. I would never fix anything that made me look so bitter.
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of course not. i’m a little slow.should have known better.
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Haha! I realized how wrong I’ve been watching the lion king. All news should be this bitter!
Great stuff Ben 🙂
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I feel like Scar…all the time.
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Hahaha yes! I feel like I need to do one of these for my blog. You beat me to it Bitter Ben!
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If only I could act, then it would be great. I think I am going to replace myself with Ryan Gosling next time.
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I’m bitter because that meme reminded me of that time I pledged my firstborn child for an order of poisoned corndogs.
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Hopefully you have a second child to take the place of the firstborn.
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Ha ha, loved this! All news needs to be this bitter! And this entertaining.
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You should comment on the Youtube video so I can get millions…of views. Gotta say it was a lot of work, but right up my bitter alley.
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Oh, yes, and I will. Bitter rules!
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What I like about this is that I didn’t think of it first … Oh, wait, that’s what I hate about this. Sorry, let me start over. Nice work.
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It was more work than nice. I had to like work a couple of hours on it and that is about two more hours than I normally work. Amanda did all the hard work.
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Very funny and creative BB and Amanda. I enjoyed the show! Your interviewees did a good job as well and were funny. Loved it, in a bitter kind of way.
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At the end of the day, we were all a little more bitter for it.
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Your a flippin genius (sorry I didn’t to swear and tarnish your wholesome image lol).
Your are so funny and don’t worry your not missing anything mainstream news is all lies, ignorance and propaganda anyway. Your better off playing Xbox at least you know what your getting everytime you turn your TV on. lol My husband makes video games so you have him to thank for protecting you from the horrors of the main stream news lol, why do we still call them video games though? Maybe I should be asking him.
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If by genius you mean, being good at being bitter then yes. Everything else, I epic fail.
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Hey don’t sell yourself short. It takes a clever person to turn irony into humour. I love your posts. They brighten my day.
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I’m not very good at selling either. If I was a door to door salesman I would owe companies money for negative sales.
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Hahahaha yeah I know what you mean. I couldn’t if done door to door sales like in the 50s and 60s, I would never have plucked up the courage to knock on a door lol
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Bitters better buddy, (=
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Making bitter better is my motto.
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and you do it so well! (=
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I excel at exactly one thing.
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Reblogged this on Write in the Wrong Way and commented:
My blogging buddy, Ben and I made a bitterly awesome news report and stuck it into a slightly less awesome blog post. So you should go read and watch…… why are you still reading these words? FOCUS people!
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This was so totally awesome and so completely bitter. You two cracked me up and have such an easy chemistry. Please, do more! (I’m sure all the editing and stuff was super easy, right?)
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I have to say the editing was a breeze because I didn’t do it. Amanda did. I just wrote the thing and acted bitter. So basically what I do everyday.
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the editing and stuff is not so bad. I’m surprised you can’t tell that we’re actually bitter enemies.. must try harder.
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I’m good at complimenting someone and not really meaning it. It’s a bitter technique.
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‘Twas an honor. Your bitter script made the whole thing awesome!
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It was painful to see and hear myself on camera, but it was fun. Maybe I will replace myself with Ryan Gosling for the next one.
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