Absolutely zero new features that you will care about.
Since I don’t like to think or do much on the weekends(or any other day for that matter), I have decided to start a new feature on the weekends (that is Saturday or Sunday for people that don’t know) dedicated to reviewing things that make me bitter. It could be a movie I slept through, a TV show I watched while I was using my computer, or something outdoors I tried to avoid. It could be anything that I want to be bitter about so, keep on your toes, it could get a little crazy bitter up in here.
This is how crazy.
Today’s review is for a Kid’s Birthday party I attended because a kid the same size as mine changed from 5 to 6. It was an outdoor affair at a park that included horse rides, hot dogs and burgers, balloons, a Dark Knight pinata and lots of screaming kids. So, on to the review.
The venue: Being that it was an outdoor event, the expectations were that there would be coverings from the sun. That was true of everyone else, but for some reason the shade followed everyone else around, but not us. Also there was dust and dirt. How do you expect me to enjoy a party when I might get slightly dirty?
Our view in the shade.
The food: I expected some 5 star food, but the menu consisted of some new experimental cuisine called hot dogs and hamburgers. Perhaps some fancier food like hot pockets or Mac n’ Cheese would have classed up the party a little. The dessert of cupcakes with frosting and a wrapper around the cupcake would have been much less work, had the wrapper not been included on the cupcake. A desert no no for me.
The real Dark Knight doesn’t go down after being hit by a “bat” a few times.
The entertainment: There were horses there and kids rode them, but I think they missed an obvious idea with the horses. Perhaps an organized 60 minute polo match would have been appropriate. Not even a casual pick up match ensued. There was a Dark Knight Pinata there. It wasn’t as authentic as I was hoping though. If you know the Dark Knight like I do, you know that no matter how hard he is beaten with a “bat”(or large stick in this case) he would never bust open and spill his secrets. Clearly he wasn’t the real Dark Knight. Third thing was the balloons. There was a professional balloon guy making balloon animals and other things like guns and swords. I tried to use the laser guns on one of the kids and it didn’t even work, and the sword was not nearly as sharp as I was hoping.
The King of Bitterness and his not very realistic crown and not very sharp Triton.
The screaming kids: The only thing that lived up to its billing. This part of the party fully lived up to the hype. At any kid party, you expect this, and this party was no exception. In fact, the whining and crying were on par with any kid party I have ever been to.
Everything else: As a party that was farther away than next door, I expected limos with 60 inch TV’s and air conditioning to pick us up and was severely disappointed. All I was given was an address and a subtle, “Get there on your own” vibe. Thumbs down to the party planning committee on this one.
Overall: Only one expectation was met. Other than that, I think the party committee needs to step up their game if they want us to be bitterly disappointed next year.
Rating: 1 bitter rhubarb (out of 10)
Arrrggghhhh
Bitter Party Ben
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The whining and crying reminds me or our town hall meetings. Maybe we should try a piñata.
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It also reminds me of most of my posts. And by most, I mean all. Maybe I would make a good congressperson.
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I think I laughed for two minutes straight of the idea of Batman being hit with a “bat.”
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Kind of ironic huh? Like Superman being managed by a “Super”visor?
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Hahahaha, right!
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Such fanfare makes me feel like I was unloved as a kid.
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All this for being 6. What about when they turn 7. How do they top that?
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It’s tantamount to having “graduation” parties for finishing elementary school, or for getting trophies for participation.
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I went to two of those recently. My kids “preschool” graduation and my daughters, third grade pioneer “graduation” and I couldn’t decide what made me more bitter.
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Speaking of birthday parties, I have a group Turning 40 party to attend this Saturday. I plan on making all the attendees bitter with my youth.
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It makes me so proud that you are sabatoging a party like that.
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Love the crown, your highness.
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That’s King Bitter to you.
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These kids parties have gotten out of hand. For my birthday parties, my parents would send us all into the backyard with a soccer ball and then serve cake. These days, they’re like mega-events.
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Yeah, the TLC show that glories these idiot kids and their idiot parents should be brought out into the public square and shot.
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Unfortunately, I’ve found myself fast transforming into one of those idiot parents.
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Not me. I try to get my kids to just want cake and a present and call it good. Besides it would mean I would need to be around other people’s kids more than I already am.
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I’m afraid of having kids because of all the parties I’ll have to attend. Argh. I’ll be the parent who always says no.
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Nothing wrong with no. It is my favorite to tell other people. Too bad no one listens.
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i’m surprised you held your own didn’t let your bitter clown out, and not surprised by the screaming and whining, it’s not a kids’ party after all without the noise and mayhem ) i hope you have recovered by now –
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Clowns make me bitter too. I think that I need to go to the Fortress of Solitude in order to detox from it.
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“Our view in the shade” says it all! Fodder for bitterness!
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The suns burns and makes me sweat. Very inconvenient.
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kid birthday parties are like a special layer in hell for the really bad people.
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Or really bitter people. I know so because we have another one next weekend.
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You must have been a really bitter boy to deserve all that birthday party hell.
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What kind of clue would ever give you the idea that I was bitter in any way?
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Your Triton scared me…I thought for a minute you were Carlos Danger…
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Carlos Danger sounds pretty dangerous. Who is he?
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Really? Anthony Weiner? The serial Dexter?
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I had to look him up. I don’t really watch or read the news. Too depressing. Don’t you think this proves that?
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Indeed, I do…but it makes me laugh a little…
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Is danger his middle name? It is just too easy with that name.
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Balloon Hat… good look!
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I wish it and all the others would have popped.
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Loved the King of Bitter with his crown and Triton, but your place in the sun was so bright that even I had to put on shades.
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The sun was so bright that the shades I was wearing weren’t even dark enough to cover how bright it was.
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A pink crown! Come on now!
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It was a set up. A bitter, bitter set up.
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On the brighter side–you were there instead of stuck in Disney World listening to “It’s A Small World” while yelling at your kids not to try to drink the “river” water.
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I don’t generally look at the “bright side”. In fact, the bright side is what was getting in my eyes. How about the shade blocking my view of the “bright side”?
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I’m all about the shade. If you ever saw the inside of my office you’d understand why it’s called “the cave.” One person’s sunshine and blue skies is another person’s migraine. 🙂
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And sunburn and cause for blindness.
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I’m laughing at your photo more than anything – what an absolutely hoot…LOL!
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You are laughing at the Batman photo? I think it is ironic that they were using a bat to hit the Batman.
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