For me, Kryptonite makes my eyes bug out and causes me to say things like “Fantastic”.
As a 16/7 user of WordPress, I not only blog, but I spy on read other people’s blogs, whenever I am not writing or thinking about writing things about bitterness. I used to go to websites like ESPN and IGN.com, but ever since being on WordPress, I don’t go to them much anymore. If WordPress gets more money for every minute people are on their site, they should be making at least a thousand dollars by now. In my observations of other blogs, I have noticed a small number of blogs about people being how shall we call it, nice. In fact, there are certain readers/followers of mine who are trying to convert me into being the opposite flavor, sweet. I laugh in their bitter direction. Though I am not talented in any other way, I have a strong ability to be bitter. In fact, you could call me the Superman of Bitterness. Or you can just let me call myself that. Whatever makes you most bitter. However, just like Superman I have a weakness. Let’s call it my Bitternyte.
Best way to chop an onion? Don’t have them in anything you eat. Put them in the garbage and let mice eat them and cry.
What makes me weak in my bitter heart is onions. Why is it that every sub sandwich, or hamburger at McDonald’s or casserole that I am forcefed has onions? I mean really, how is it that people continue to eat a (fruit? vegatable? dairy? What is an onion?) thing that makes you cry when you cut it? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t it be the onion that is crying when it gets cut? I just don’t understand the texture, the flavor, or the bad breath it leaves behind. They make me spit every time I taste one. Whatever you do, don’t stick one of those things in my hamburger or I will go weak in the knees and confess that I am really a nice guy. Are you freaking kidding me? You think onions are my weakness? You are more gullible than I thought!
Fans may look innocent with their “cool” appearence, but they really just want to send you to your doom.
Actually, it is fans. They are sneaky little things. People think fans are awesome especially at this time of year, because they keep everything from rooms to cars to video games to TV’s to computers cool, so electronics and humans don’t overheat. But have you watched a movie lately? Whenever a bad guy is on a plane they always seem to get sucked into a fan. And the fan doesn’t even care afterwards. They just keep moving. In fact, when you turn a fan off, it doesn’t immediately obey. It will stop…eventually, but slowly and on its own time. And don’t get me started on fans of celebrities. Have you seen Justin Beiber fans? They would still love him even if he broke into their house, stole all their Beiber posters and ripped them up right in their faces. They are crazy. But, really, you thinks fans are my Kryptonite? You are as crazy as a Beiber Fan.
Mt. Rainier. So majestic, so innocent, so peaceful, so ready to release its destructive lava upon your village.
Okay, fine I will tell you my Kryptonite. It is really mountains. They are deceitfully majestic, especially when snow capped. There is a mountain near Seattle called Mt. Rainier. It is pretty far from me, about 50 miles or so (cause I have been there never) and on a clear day you can see it from my house. In fact, it is one of the only things you can see from space besides Disney World when you are on the moon(not a fact). The problem is that there are no clear days when living in Seattle, so you can never see it. So if you are an ambitious, (which I am not) you can endevor to climb it. Did you know that if you get close enough to a mountain you will realize that they are just made up of rocks and dirt and snow? Freakin deceitful jerks! Also if you climb them, you start to choke from lack of air. And some of them even store lava in them and unleash the lava on unsuspecting climbers pretty much whenever they feel like it. And if you jump off one of its cliffs, you will also meet your demise. Mountains are the venus fly traps of rock formations. Also just big jerks. And not my kryptonite.
So you are probably wondering what my weakness is, the thing that makes me not bitter. And you probably thought that I was going to tell you. Ha, Wrong! Have a bitter day, people.
Arrrrgggghhhh
Bitter Kryponite Ben
Actually my Kryponite is….(shoot I ran out of ink!)
Related articles
- Super Bitterness for real (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Random Picture Bitterness (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Blogger of the week (readfulthingsblog.com)
- Bitter Apathetic Lazy Telekenetic Pictures (or Bitter Pictures of the Week) (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
Ben's Bitter Blog 
I feel that way about broccoli. It smells like feet! You don’t even have to cook it and it still smells like someones armpits. And tuna fish. Its cat food. Smells like a dolphin’s butt.
LikeLike
Food shouldn’t make me cry or think that I am smelling a butt or feet. So if it doesn’t taste like ice cream and make me lose weight, then food shouldn’t come near me.
LikeLike
I hate it when my laptop runs out of ink. The cartridges are so expensive….
LikeLike
I’m always running out just when someone needs it.
LikeLike
“Shouldn’t it be the onion that cries when you cut it?” — I hate onions with all of my being, and this my bitter friend, made me laugh! I know you hate the “lol”, but that deserved it, so here it is…LOL!!! Awesome post 🙂
LikeLike
If by LOL you mean Laying on Leather, then yes that makes me bitter because I am not doing it right now!
LikeLike
You finally went and did it Ben, you made me bitter. Just when you were going to clue us in on what your Kryptonite was you ran out of ink. I hope you trip on your Bitter Ben cape.
LikeLike
Luckily, I just some more ink. My kryptonite is… dang it, I ran out again………………………………………………………………………………
LikeLike
Weird. I was snacking on raw onions after my morning mountain hike. Feeling great.
Is your true kryptonite hidden within this blog? I feel like it is. Wish I kept that cereal box decoder from 1986.
LikeLike
You overestimate me. I have just decided to leave it out…because there is none.
LikeLike
love my bitter fix here. Can’t get a better bit of bitter.
LikeLike
This is definitely the right place for that. There is no better place for bitter than this.
LikeLike
What about, uh, how shall I ask – sex? Two kids, wife, plus you’re a Guy….I think you will have admit it…
LikeLike
Not my nemesis.
LikeLike
totally. hate. mountains.
LikeLike
Mountains are jerks.
LikeLike
ONIONS ARE AMAZING. I could eat one like an apple, especially red onions.
LikeLike
Onions are evil. They make even a grown bitter man cry.
LikeLike
Oh, God. That FAN. I wish seeing that pic made me bitter, but instead it makes me laugh. Hysterical!!!!
LikeLike
I think it is the bat fan and it will destroy you.
LikeLike
Nobody should be force-feeding you onions. I swear, making someone chop an onion is a wonderful way to torture them.
LikeLike
Especially if you spill it in a cut. How about some bitter brownies?
LikeLike
In making bitter brownies, I suggest using only the darkest chocolate. You don’t want to take your chances with milk chocolate, you might become sick at the excess sweetness.
LikeLike
Dark chocolate is the bitterest of the chocolates.
LikeLike
I’d be bitter, too, if I lived that close to a time bomb.
LikeLike
My family is bitter for that reason. They live in the same house as a time bomb.
LikeLike
Your beautiful children because you commented about your love for your adopted son on there. Got. Cha. 🙂
LikeLike
Dang it! Now I’m even more bitter!
LikeLike
😆 If only the professor could be so bitter…
LikeLike
The professor can learn how to be bitter, but wasn’t born like this bitter guy. I was born with it, but also chose it too.
LikeLike
I hate ceiling fans too..
LikeLike
They never listen.
LikeLike
My girlfriend just got six stitches because she jumped on a table to take a pic of a friend and didn’t see the fan.. #instainjury 😉
LikeLike
I’m glad to see that you are smiling about your friend that got injured. You are starting to get into the bitter spirit.
LikeLike
I’ve always had a beautiful bitter side, that’s why I love you and your awesome blog
LikeLike
I always had a bitter being.
LikeLike
Yes, you are very bitter I agree.
;(
LikeLike
That was hugely entertaining. Way to lead your readers one and then laugh in their face in the end as you do not tell them what your kryptonite is. Which is a good thing, really. A good villain never shows his weakness.
LikeLike
You got that right. A good villian, like a magician never reveals their weakness.
LikeLike
Just so.
LikeLike
hmmmm.. I like guessing games. Weaknes… I know you said you have kids.. I am sure there are FEW moments of weakness, when they aren’t sick/crying/screaming/fighting where a split second of weakness may arise.. what about sleeping? what is bitter in sleeping? As for the rest of the world, I can totally understand.
LikeLike
It was a trick question. I don’t have any bitter weakness.
LikeLike
I’ll tell you my Kryptonite. It’s having to stick my hand in the sink drain and get out some nasty glob of mucousy food that’s been festering in there for days and is now unidentifiable and gray. I’d rather just use the hose outside to do dishes. Or better yet, just eat out every meal. Hey..that gives me an idea!
LikeLike
Our stupid sink was clogged for a month and we finally got one of those Liquid Plummer snake things and it pulled out as much hair as I have on my head.
LikeLike
I have to say that I am equally bitter about the ‘onion factor.’ Why the need to impose them on others and assume they like them or tolerate them? Stop the madness.
LikeLike
Why does everyone include them on the best burgers? I shouldn’t have to ask them to be removed, other people should have to ask them to be added.
LikeLike
Mountains are made up of rocks ..perhaps you thought it was made up of chocolate with fresh cream..I will tell you why we got onions into everything and why do we cry..or rather it makes us cry..leaving an odor..unbearable ..you see an anion is like the earth..it got layers..it teaches us how it got “just” layers and nothing inside..so it is a bit disappointing..just like life..so it makes us cry..but since majority can not think so deep..it makes them cry anyway..like too dumb to understand the real meaning..bla bla..now come to the fan part..fan has multi -function, it can circulate air, exhaust it and blow up papers..and about your revelation..you have nothing to reveal..so you just wrote that to cover it up ..Arrrrgggghhhh
LikeLike
Um can you put this comment on your blog so I can read it later? Perhaps you could but an intro, a table of contents and chapters to break it up. Thanks Arrrghhh.
LikeLike
😉
LikeLike
Too funny, the Bieber fan comment is the best.
LikeLike
Anyone making fun of Beiber is funny. Anything he says or does is not funny.
LikeLike
We all know your REAL kryptonite is happiness, Ben!! 😉
LikeLike
It is an irritant yes, but it will never defeat me, so it isn’t my weakness.
LikeLike
Hilarious!
LikeLike
You got that right.
LikeLike
Your weakness is nice people, they make you uncomfortable. lol. I am nice, unless there is something for me to be bitter about. Like target being out of the conditioner I want for like 2 weeks now. That makes me bitter. And that I am not home in my bed, sleeping. 🙂
LikeLike
You would think that my weakness is nice people, but you would be right. Luckily I am nice people’s weakness, and they will never overtake my bitterness.
LikeLike
I feel the same way. I am skeptical if people are nice to my usually because of my bitterness over being screwed so much.
LikeLike
I also don’t like big crowds of people.
LikeLike