Bitter Apathetic Lazy Telekenetic Pictures (or Bitter Pictures of the Week)

/ bensbitterblog
I just want to express how I feel about everything today through a picture of this cornfield.

A farmer spent all day plowing his field to carve out these words, so a guy could fly in an airplane to take a picture, so a website could post a photo, that I just right clicked on, just so I could express how I “Don’t Care”.  All their work was in vain.

You know when Hallmark says when you can’t think of the words to say, express it through a Hallmark card?  Well, Hallmark hasn’t done any bitter cards yet, and I haven’t invented my line of Bitter Cards yet, so I decided to have someone who works on a farm and another person who take pictures from space collaborate to take this Bittermark photo to express how I feel today and how I feel about people.  Who knew that two little words could sum me up so eloquently?  In fact, I think there may be only two words that could have replaced these two in a better way.  In fact, I bet most of my regular readers could easily predict what those two are, but I “Don’t Care”.  I’ve made you wait long enough.  The winner of the two words that express my feelings all the time are, “So Bitter”.  Totally tricked you.  You had no idea.

This is me at work, when I've been here about 10 minutes.

I’ve only been at work for 10 minutes….Already….

Sitting upright is so much work sometimes.  Standing to take a shower for 10 minutes is so exhausting.  Typing a blog post on a computer to teach people how to be bitter is so mind numbing sometimes.  Trying to hold your head straight up while carrying the extra weight of beard hairs on your face is so tiring.  Moving your arm to put shaving cream on your hand, then putting that shaving cream on your face, then grabbing a razor to remove all the shaving cream from your face is not only exhausting, but kind of pointless and quite frankly dangerous.  Why do I put the shaving cream on my face, only to remove it with a moment later, except with more blood.  Who invented this way of removing a few hairs from your face so you can look good for another person?  Clearly someone enjoyed seeing other people bleed.

Please let me help you

After you my Jedi.

If there was ever a superpower for the bitter and lazy it is telekenesis.  According to Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben, or some other person, “With great power, comes great responsibilty.”  I don’t know why he would say that having the power of a spider is a great thing.  In fact, most people I know are afraid of spiders because of lots of eyes or webs always getting in their faces or too much hair on their legs(by the way, I know lots of people that don’t mind hair on their own legs, so I don’t know why a spider’s hairy legs would freak them out).  Back to the point.  I would use this power to responsibly mess with other people.  Accidently cause them to trip, a door to shut on them prematurely, a power line to fall on their car in a “storm”.  My favorite use of the power would be to move Tuesday from the calendar, and other days that annoyed me.  So…every day.

I hope that these pictures felt like an utter waste of your time.  Unfortunately, you don’t have the power of telekenisis like me, so you can’t move this post from your brain.  At least you have something to be bitter about, seeing that Tuesday is only 6 days away.

Arrrghhhh

Bitter Lazy Telekenetic Apathetic Ben

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67 thoughts on “Bitter Apathetic Lazy Telekenetic Pictures (or Bitter Pictures of the Week)”

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  9. Oh yes, those pics certainly DID do the work. You might be too bitter to work, I’m not sure. Smirk! I laughed hard at the farmer’s carve-out. Needed a dry, bitter laugh here after a morning of the absolute worst EVER bitter yard work!

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  10. The Jedi is awesome. I don’t think you should remove Tuesday from the calendar because Sheryl Crow is in love w/ Tuesday Night Social Club, as well as “drinking beer at noon on a Tuesday,” and she’s already met her quota of bitter (cancer, Lance Armstrong, Kid Rock duets), so that would put her on bitter overload.

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  13. Why do I feel so guilty for smiling when I read your blog? You go to all this trouble to spread the bitterness around, and all I do is find delight in what you say. If THAT doesn’t make you bitter, you’re in a real pickle (and not necessarily of the bitter variety).

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  14. Whenever i mash a spider up with a shoe, i ask the smeared remains, “Were your spider senses tingling?” You’d think that with eight eyes, one of them might have seen me pick up the shoe.

    btw, your farmer was evidently too lazy or too bitter to include the apostrophe in DONT. So difficult to keep perfect grammar with a tractor. Not that i care,of course.

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    • That farmer guy needs to get back out on that farm and fix it. It is making my blog look bad and there is nothing that makes me more bitter.

      I don’t understand why spider are so easy to kill but flies and bees are so difficult. Maybe because they have capes like Superman.

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  15. if I wasn’t so bitter about the fact that your bitter blog is bitterly better than my non bitter blog I would say something like ‘I love your bitter blog’ but i’m too bitter to say something unbitter so i’m better off keeping my bitter to myself…or something equally as bitter

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    • Maybe the problem is that you aren’t bitter enough on your non bitter blog. My problem is that people make me bitter and all these people following it makes me uncomfortable and take all my time away from napping. I just want to bitter blog in peace.

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