You know when Hallmark says when you can’t think of the words to say, express it through a Hallmark card? Well, Hallmark hasn’t done any bitter cards yet, and I haven’t invented my line of Bitter Cards yet, so I decided to have someone who works on a farm and another person who take pictures from space collaborate to take this Bittermark photo to express how I feel today and how I feel about people. Who knew that two little words could sum me up so eloquently? In fact, I think there may be only two words that could have replaced these two in a better way. In fact, I bet most of my regular readers could easily predict what those two are, but I “Don’t Care”. I’ve made you wait long enough. The winner of the two words that express my feelings all the time are, “So Bitter”. Totally tricked you. You had no idea.
Sitting upright is so much work sometimes. Standing to take a shower for 10 minutes is so exhausting. Typing a blog post on a computer to teach people how to be bitter is so mind numbing sometimes. Trying to hold your head straight up while carrying the extra weight of beard hairs on your face is so tiring. Moving your arm to put shaving cream on your hand, then putting that shaving cream on your face, then grabbing a razor to remove all the shaving cream from your face is not only exhausting, but kind of pointless and quite frankly dangerous. Why do I put the shaving cream on my face, only to remove it with a moment later, except with more blood. Who invented this way of removing a few hairs from your face so you can look good for another person? Clearly someone enjoyed seeing other people bleed.
If there was ever a superpower for the bitter and lazy it is telekenesis. According to Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben, or some other person, “With great power, comes great responsibilty.” I don’t know why he would say that having the power of a spider is a great thing. In fact, most people I know are afraid of spiders because of lots of eyes or webs always getting in their faces or too much hair on their legs(by the way, I know lots of people that don’t mind hair on their own legs, so I don’t know why a spider’s hairy legs would freak them out). Back to the point. I would use this power to responsibly mess with other people. Accidently cause them to trip, a door to shut on them prematurely, a power line to fall on their car in a “storm”. My favorite use of the power would be to move Tuesday from the calendar, and other days that annoyed me. So…every day.
I hope that these pictures felt like an utter waste of your time. Unfortunately, you don’t have the power of telekenisis like me, so you can’t move this post from your brain. At least you have something to be bitter about, seeing that Tuesday is only 6 days away.
Bitter Lazy Telekenetic Apathetic Ben
- Bitter Car Pictures of the Week (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Bitter Pictures of the Early Part of the Week (or Monday as I like to call it) (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)