Cause I’m not sure that anyone would want to be found that actually won.
Remember when I decided to do a Bitter contest where you could win something? Last week or the week before or something? Well I rang up the results of those who actually entered and I did some math and found through my amazing..ly horrible math skills that we are all losers of the contest. Mostly me though.
Loser #1: Me. I didn’t realize that most people wouldn’t do any work for a prize. This is America, dang it(at least where I live) and we don’t want to have to do anything to win something for nothing right(confused yet?)? Also, I thought my followers from other places might step up and make the Americans look bad. Apparently followers of my blog in other countries are also lazy. Congrats on that other countries. So I underestimated the laziness of people that read my blog. I’m not sorry about this, I’ve just learned my bitter lesson.
Loser #2: Everyone else in the world that didn’t try my contest. I understand that some people out there have important things going on that prevent them from entering the contest on my blog. Jobs are an important one I’ve heard of. I’ve also heard social lives(I also tweet and Facebook, so I’m social too.) But I know there are people that approach my level of laziness. If they are out there and there are no more infomercial repeats on, and they have reached the end of the internet, there is one more site out there. This one. You could have entered.
I award this to myself for never getting to the point of what I was trying to….
Loser #3: The one person who actually won the contest. They will never be able to live this down with their friends, family and most especially enemies that they won something from a dude on a Bitter Blog. They will feel shamed that they wasted 10 minutes to figure out the clues. They will be sad when they see that the prize is not a Hawaiian Vacation. Why did I choose to associate with this Bitter Guy? they will think. I used to be such a positive person.
Regardless someone had to lose(by winning) or the internet Sweepstakes Board of Sketchy contest would have come after me and made me award someone something. So here it is. The winner is:
LOLO KIRBY
Congrats on your reason to be bitter.
Call, text, email, facebook, or twit me and I will send it off to you. You can give me a fake address or a PO box or send a messager, or a hit man to come get it from me. Just let me know what you wanted and your bitter wish is my command.
Bitter losier Ben
Related articles
- Bitter Contest Where you could win something (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- 40 reasons to be Bitter (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Bitter Pill Pictures of the Week (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
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I read about the contest when you posted it. It’s easy for me to post chapters from my books, but they get less comments, likes, and lead to less follows. People respond better to my quick one-liners and short posts. They generally just don’t want to read something that long when surfing the blogosphere. (I can’t use that word without feeling douche-y.)
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I agree. When I do a long extensive, well thought out post like Bitterland I don’t get as much response as I do about stupid things like socks. The blogimunity needs to be better at reading good posts and not as good at read less thought out one liners.
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I couldn’t even press ‘like’ because i LOVE your words. The bitterness flows so perfectly from an angry, angry tap. I wish we could somehow join forces today.
My crap with your bitterness will harness the universe and we will dominate.
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I’ve thought about doing a video about bitter and angry and crappy people and call my version of the Avengers, the “Revengers”. I’ll let you know when I am doing a casting call for a crappy person.
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And I will be there for you.
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We all have a part to play in the Revengers.
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since I went from midnight pizza to mumbling the event has made me bitter. Please reverse time and reconsider my mumblings *shakes fist in desperation*
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I will get some pizza when I go to the future and sell it as a novelty food and get rich, then come back to the present and build a big mansion that I will be bitter about.
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I’m bitter that I missed the chance to participate!
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You really have to pay attention by reading every day or you will miss some importantly mundane details that will affect your life in almost no way at all.
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I’m sorry, I missed that. What did you say? 🙂
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Okay I will repeat it when you turn up your hearing aid. Alright ready? I said, “TURN UP YOUR HEARING AID!”. 🙂 <—-This means I'm kidding. Also, I said sorry that my mundane blog bores you to death.
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What?!?!? I put in all that time to solve the riddle only to now leave empty handed? If I may quote Mr. Blog, “So far you are the winner. Please choose from the Chucky Cheese 100 ticket bucket.” Where are my Chucky tickets?
I was a positive person until this contest. Now I’m bitter.
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You may quote Mr. Blog, “So far…” I know a lawyer that told me to use words like that. To make it up to you, I visit your place of residence at some point in my lifetime and purchase those toys for you…as long as you don’t go to Hawaii at the time I am there.
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Fair enough. I will stay out of Hawaii and will stop being bitter.
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Whatever you do, still be bitter. It makes it easier to take over the world.
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Ha ha. I am so bitter that anyone did your mad contest. I was laughing away thinking you did all that work and, as a previous commenter said, I was smh. But someone did finish it I can’t believe it.I am so bitter. None of my followers would be so loyal!
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It wasn’t many and most were my real life friends. I am just glad to be done with the whole thing. Giving things away just made me bitter.
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I was going to enter but then I figured what’s the point, I never win anything anyway. Well, one time I won tickets to see the movie version of ‘Tommy’ but it turned out I was too young to get in. Talk about bitterly disappointed…
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That why your luck wouldn’t have changed at all had you entered. However, you would have had the privilege of reading more of my blog and you could have experienced bitterness in its purest form.
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I am extremely bitter about not winning a contest I didn’t enter. How will I go on?
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You will go jump in a big pile of pink feathers and feel better.
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3 x LOL Good to know – lazyness connecting people all over the world. You will see, in the end your bitter contest results a great innovativ invention. I claim the most inventions are the product of the indignation to do something! Congrats to Lolo Kirby your adorable woser – love this neologism – I’ll snatch it….
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Laziness and bitterness connect the world. It caused us to be friends and we are from two different parts of the world right? I plan on inventing many bitter inventions that others can build. Can’t wait for the world to see them all.
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So not lazy. Motivationaly challenged, maybe. But not lazy.
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So crazy, but not lazy? I’m old, or as I like to call it, grim reaper challenged.
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You had a contest?
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Yep. It is on one of those pages above as well as a post I did about two weeks ago. I also did a reminder post the Friday after I put it up. I can see the bitterness on your face right now.
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You got that right! Argggg!
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Glad I could be a part of your bitter day.
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I TOLD you to throw in a Ryan Gosling marriage, car, house and honeymoon in Hawaii for the contest. I would’ve entered it a thousand times! SMH. 😛 Congrats to the winner!
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Uh what is SMH? If I do that for the next contest, I better get more than 5 people entering. At least I know of one that will enter. I’ll reserve the Gosling date for you.
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Shaking my head. 🙂 That is what it means. Awww. Gotta love the Gos! 😉
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SMH. Gos was over the other day helping me put up windows. You should have been there. He was asking me if there was anyone I knew who he could take to dinner and I told him, “I’ve got the perfect person. Her name is..hey do you want to play some video games?” I got a little distracted. Do you know anyone?
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…. But congrats to Lolo Kirby. And thanks to you, Bitter Ben. Now I too am bitter.
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I am always glad to help people realize how bitter they can be. Losing contests, winning contests, being me, etc.
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Dang it! Entering your contest was on my to do list! Stupid NBA playoffs are killing me…. Darn.
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The Spurs were making me bitter by not winning until the last second. They better not give me multiple heart attacks like that again or I will root for the Charlotte Bobcats next year.
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I would totally have entered if I hadn’t been in a not-blogging-and-also-not-really-paying-attention-to-anybody-else’s-blog-either phase. Unfortunately, I’m just paying attention ENOUGH to realise that I’m also not-winning.
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Sounds like a bitter time for you. As the post said, none of us is winners in this contest, so even if you won you would lose. Take bitter solace in that .
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I guess. If I have to. She said bitterly.
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I fooled you. There is no solace in bitterness. I’ve had some suggest that I have a contest for a date with Ryan Gosling, a trip to Hawaii, cars and a house and they said there might be more participation. I have all those things to give away, but I just don’t think it will get more traffic to my site. So I don’t think I’m gonna do it.
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😀
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I’m with Denise. And I kind of hate myself for missing that one very important post. Damn it. Congratulations to Lolo Kirby!
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Denise lost the ultimate lottery of being married to me. I share some of my work winnings with her.
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Congratulations to Lolo. Trying not to be bitter that I didn’t win. Twas fun playing/competing, though.
Ben, I think you should email the finalists an award/certificate that we can bitterly display on our blogs (…unless I didn’t make finals, then make it a participant certificate).
Ciao, for now. Gotta chill out at a noon yoga class (this blog post has me quite fired up, sir). 🙂
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Go to your happy place at Yoga and all will be right in the world for you. As for me, I will sit and stew in my bitter corner and try to realign my back.
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YAY! I’m a woser! Or a wiser?
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Definitely a wiser. So just let me know what you want and where to send it and you will officially be more bitter!
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I want to know how to put links into a post without writing the whole URL. Like how you put my name in this post and when you click it, it goes to my page. I am VERY bitter over not knowing how to do it. Share with me your knowledge, and I will claim it as my prize.
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Okay. When you are writing a post, you highlight the word that you want to be the link, for instance you name, then on the toolbar right above your writing area, there should be a think that looks like a chain. Click on that, and then put your url in that box. I always just copy and paste the exact url, then put that in the box. It should highlight/ underline. Then just to check and see if it work, I do it in preview and go and click on it. Let me know if it works.
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YAY! Thank you. 😀
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So it worked? You sure you don’t want anything like an Xbox points card or anything. I feel bitter that you don’t want anything, or whatever.
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You know I should have won/lost your bitter contest because I thought of a better solve for your scavenger hunt. Now I’ve been bittered 3 times……
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If this was a contest on who could innovate my contest better then you still probably wouldn’t have won because it was a random draw. So sorry Photo Fancy.
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So, so, so bitter I didn’t win. I didn’t even enter but I’m bitter!
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Sorry about that person who I am not related to at all that might make you ineligible. May the odds be ever in your favor next time.
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