I forget to tip my mailman 1 time and all of a sudden he’s really bitter. Maybe next year I won’t send the 300 million Christmas cards I sent to the population of the United States.
I appreciate my mailman’s efficiency. If I wouldn’t have locked the door, he wouldn’t have had to pummel the glass to get in to give me my junk mail, worthless magazine, and monthly eviction notice. I keep getting these crazy telephone calls at 2 in the morning from a guy name Biff that says something about breaking legs. I know that he’s just wishing me luck on my acting gig as extra #43 in Bitterness of a Salesman, but does he keep having to call me so early? I’m just getting to bed and it makes it hard to fall asleep for my early morning noon pm brunchfast.
I’m just bitter that the mailman left the packages outside. Can’t he punch a bigger hole in the glass so he can fit them in? Also, it is nice that the camera caught this on tape, so I know who to thank.
On to more important news. I have begged been asked to do a guest blog on Sass & Balderdash. It is clearly an honor for her to have someone as bitter as I am to balance out all the good over there. I kind of feel bad for her that she has to put up with the bitterness for the day, so please just give her a like and a comment in support of this difficult time in her blog.
Arrrghhh
Bitter “Post”Man (Get it Postman?) Ben
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I bet UPS or Fedex wouldnt go that extra step for great customer service! USPS all the way!
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Stupid Fedex would leave it out in the cold to get it wet and ruin it.
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I kid you not: We once had a mailman who would hit on all the young women when we were home alone. He would ring the doorbell and hand deliver the mail. We all asked him to stop – but to no avail. He would continue to ring our doorbells and make creepy comments. So we all wrote a letter to the Postmaster (what a title!) who responded that as much as that guy deserved to be fired, his union kept him from doing it. So the creep carried on and we all hid from him until he finally retired.
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I bet you threw a party on the day he retired. That just sucks having a creepy mailman.
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Yeah … nice mailmen are something you just kind of take for granted … until you have a lecherous one.
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Didn’t really think about the nice ones until this dude kicked in the windows in my house.
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“People – they’re the worst.” – Seinfeld
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That sums it up right there. If they were a little more bitter…
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Great video. Russian mailmen are scary.
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And bitter.
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Actually i speak backward Russian or Polish or whatever that is and what you don’t know is the sign on the door says “in postal emergency break glass”. I suggest you brush up on your backward Russian or Polish so as to avoid any further embarrassment. I’m bitter that I’ve had to take time out of my obviously busy day to clarify this.
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Actually it is a note from Hans Gruber of Die Hard fame to all mailmen to “Shoot the Glass”. The mailman left his gun at home, so he used his foot instead. Clever mailman.
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Scary. I’m sure his relatives all work for Amazon, where they throw the TV’s and such. Really bitter.
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Amazon HQ is right where I live so when they mail something they ship it all the way across the country so they can send it 20 minutes away. That is why the mailman is so bitter.
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HAHAH random post.
Ben I got it. Let’s do the worst week thing. I am going to start writing. I was talking about it and got all sad again so I am ready.
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Didn’t mean to make you sad. I’m guessing yours is about your engagement that didn’t go through? I remember doing a post once (valentines day) that brought up that bad memory. Sorry.
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HAHHA no, it is something totally different. You didn’t make me sad… I have just been thinking what has been my worst week, but that was like two months.
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Good. Besides you just had a good week last week right. Got engaged, read some bitter blogs. What could be bitter than that?
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Pie, if we add pie to the mix then it is the ultimate and come to think of it I totally got pie, so nothing… nothing could be better than that 🙂
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What kind of pie would you like for you happiest week?
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Chocolate pudding pie… oh hell yeah!
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With lots of cool whip I hope.
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coo whip, ahh yes… but I eat that separately.
One Thanksgiving I ate the entire bucket of cool whip myself. That was a good time.
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Pretty much any time I have Cool Whip I down the whole thing. Problem is, I have taught the craft to my children and they are now sharing it with me.
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ahh so you don’t get as much?
My brother and I used to drink pickle juice (we still do I just don’t live at home). One of us would stand watch while the other drank cause it would REALLY piss off my Mom. We told my parents the other day and my Dad was like YOU DIDNT THINK WE KNEW?!
Yeah, I still don’t think they knew.
I said something about us being smart about it and he was like oh you filled it back up with water?
No, but that comment leads me to believe that you had NO idea until just now.
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I don’t like pickles, so probably wouldn’t like pickle juice either. But if been known to have weird habits like that too.
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It was a very bitter Monday.
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Bitter is my thing. You need to have a Sassy one. So was it the funeral? Hope it wasn’t too painful.
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I ended up reading the eulogy, so I mean.
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Well in all seriousness, I’m sorry for your loss. Obviously it was someone close to you. Family member?
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Hey, the guy got his mail. What’s the problem?
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None that I see. Glass is replaceable. Mail not as much. There could have been a bill that got lost!
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Pretty sure his brother delivers my mail 😉
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He has a lot of brothers. All over the place. They have a bitter brother network or mail carriers. Haven’t you ever wondered why so much mail gets lost, stolen, damaged and delivered late?
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Funny. REALLY funny. And kind of scary, too. 😉
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Mostly scary though.
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