If you have seen the movie video game movie Wreck-it Ralph(which I may or may not have forced my kids to go to), then you know that it is all about a bad guy named Wreck-it Ralph. If you haven’t seen it, then pause this blog, go get a 60 HDTV, with surround sound, a bluray players and start watching it right. You might want to get 3D versions of those too while you are at it. Done watching? Okay. Not that it is necessarily a good movie, but because this blog will make so much more sense if you have seen it. Okay, bad to the blogcast. Ralph is a bad guy in a video game called Fix-it Felix. Someone steals his stump that he sleeps in(come one man, it’s his stump!), which causes him to destroy the building to get revenge on the Nicelanders and Fix-it Felix who stole his stump. So far, so good right? Wrong. He goes to a meeting of bad guys that tell their problems. Here he tells the other bad guys in the arcade that he doesn’t want to be the bad guy anymore.
Why would Ralph give up all that alone time? He lives in the dump with a stump. In his off time (after the arcade closes) he has all the time in the world to ignore the annoying small talk that takes place at the boring parties in the penthouse. He can listen to the music that he wants and not that annoying Sugar Rush song that everyone else likes. He can destroy all the bricks he wants in his house without Felix “fixing them” all the time. And no one will interrupt him when he is watching the big game every year and asking him to mow the lawn or look at their outfit to see if it makes them look fat. He can eat whatever he wants and if the chips spill in the bricks, no one will make him clean it up. Why would he even give up on that kind of independence?
Ralph going Turbo(rogue for those not cool enough to see the movie) makes me bitter. I would kill for a gig like that. He is blowing his opportunity to be bad. First of all, it is a job. There are thousands of bad guys out there that can’t find a decent gigs, video game or otherwise. It’s a tough economy and bad guys are a dime a dozen. They are out there pounding the pavement(literally), going to evil Headhunters (literally), and throwing over tables and destroying chairs at interviews to get an evil job. Ralph has already put in 30 years in the bad guy business. He could put in another 10, collect a few more gold coins for his 401K and retire to a nicer stump near the Dead or Alive Beach Volleyball game.
Bad guys have more fun. Do you have a loud cackle of a laugh? Join us at Bad Guy Inc. Have an obsessive love for gadgets? Welcome to the club. Who doesn’t want a hovercraft with extra cup holders? Have a tic, a large scar, and anger problem, or been in an industrial accident in a vat of acid or get made fun of by kids in the first grade? We all got emotionally or physically beat up. Do you like giving speeches in front of good people when they are trapped, in order to give them to time to get away? Or do you have hundreds of incompetent minions that always fail you? Let us help you channel you bitterness into a mean, no so lean, evil fighting machine. Just make sure you have a glowing dot on your shoulder or your stomach that easily points out your weakness, so the good guy know how to defeat you. Do any of these things describe you? The game just isn’t the same without a fun bad guy.
What makes me the most bitter is that this movie could have been so great. The definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result. My definition of bitter is watching Wreck-it Ralph over and over again and expecting Ralph to want to stay bad. So bitter.
Bitter Game Ben