I was looking back to my first post a mere year ago, and it made me think. (How dare you first post!) It basically spells out my mission statement, my purpose for not only this blog, but the meaning of my life. The world is getting sloppy with all its happiness and its upbeatness and its smiling and positivity. I feel that I have done a decent job in getting people to at least think about the (ben)efits of bitterness and how it can have a negative impact on their lives. A few people are biting and for them I give no kudos at all. They are just doing the status quo and that should not be rewarded just as I should not be rewarded for doing this blog as it is just what I am good at. However, it occurs to me that I am not doing enough to expand the world’s bitterness.
How can I (or we) as a bitter person(people) expand and grow our branding to make it possible for others to be bitter(besides all these paretheses that are driving me to bitter madness!)? There is bittertising (which I spoke of not so eloquantly here) and I guess I could send bitter sales people out there knocking door to door spreading the bitterness one door at a time, but I don’t think that is enough. There are other methods of marketing that we can explore. There is the B2B(bitter to bitter), where I or my team or bitter business associates speak from my bitter business to their bitter busines. Again, that takes care of a small portion of the population, but not enough. I need to be more ambitious while sitting on my couch. When I saw the GIF above and remembered the GIF from last weeks bitter picture of the week and it gave me bitter goosepimples. And also a spark of inspirational bitterness.
The children. The passion for teaching our youth to be bitter isn’t there enough. We aren’t training them young enough. Education should be our number 1 priority! We need to teaches kids at a young age to be bitter. They are our future right? How can we expect to leave our legacy of bitterness behind if we can’t teach the children who will someday take our places as the Bitter Pillars of the Community? We can’t. So here is what I propose.
We bitterly march on Washington, until we can get funding for a Bitterness Intelligent Training of Tots with Educational Resources (or B.I.T.T.E.R. for short). My school will provide the youth of the world to learn about bitterness is a careless environment. Who is with me? Anyone? No? Fine, well if no one is with me, I will start small with my own kids. Hey guys, who wants to play on this teeter totter with no one on the other side? (I think that is a good start). The infection will catch on and before you know it, you will be begging me to you kids into B.I.T.T.E.R. Academy of Bitterness. By then I might not let you get in. And you will be bitter at an older age.
By the way, thanks not at all for your support. We will go a short way without you.
Arrrggghhhhh
Ben “Arrgghhhstituionalized” Ben
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I’m doing my part by instilling snark and sarcasm into the two people I put on this earth.
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Thanks for your contribution to bitter society. We also have a college coming soon for when you have to let the litter bitterlings leave the roost.
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We’ll be ready for the early admissions process!
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We will welcome your application!
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And this is why kids are (for the most part) resilient! LOL Ben, they shall be bitter soon enough! Have you forgotten the world in which we live in? Let them live the fantasy just a bit longer. It will make for more extreme bitterness later!
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That is one of our methods. Giving the children hope that there will be a better tommorow, only to yank that from them. It is a technique long used by one of our bitter teachers.
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I make sure to denigrate every school event my children get excited for, leave their ipods in the pockets when I do laundry for the ingrates and constantly bash their pop heroes. Also talk about the end times and std’s at the dinner table. But I’d be all for a school so I don’t have to spend so much time training them–the ingrates.
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There are a lot of good parents who teach their children correct bitter priniciples and for that I am bitterly greatful. But for those parents that don’t take the time to properly bitter their children there is my school which will fill in the gaps for the children that don’t get the proper bitter training from home.
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Someone from the DoE saw heard about your school, and they are currently working on the standardized Bitter Tests for when the President passes the “No Child Left Unbitter” act. You will hate having to give these tests. But you’ll have to do it anyway. You will spend all your time preparing for these tests, which really aren’t all great at proving bitterness. Just a heads up.
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As long as I get my bitter school to help bitterness be spread, I will bitterly do the things they ask.
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This particular bitterness was intoxicating.
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I am bitter that I had to home school my kids in bitterness when there is a school is out here that does it for me.
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No. They need to learn from the best.
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That is why I am the principle of the school. To make sure everyone gets maximum bitterness.
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Who was holding the video camera when this kid took a “HEADER?” Yowie Zowie. We will all wonder if she makes it to age 3. Oh… and they ALWAYS blame the mom. I must admit, being a “Mutha” made me bitter. ;-(
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Good thing you got over it, right? I’m pretty sure dad was holding the video camera, cause mom left the room.
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How long did it take you to come up with the B.I.T.T.E.R. acronym … I have no kids, but I don’t want my imaginary kids bitter, so they will play with your kids at recess but not learn at the school… is that cool?
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It took me a few minutes to figure that out. You future kids may come by for recess, but they might get hooked and want to stay. Don’t blame me if they want to stay.
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I won’t… if they choose to stay I will not fight them.
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So have you decided what you are going to do for your 1 year anniversary?
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Repost my first post I think. And mine is the day after your bday
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But you will repost it with pizzaz right?
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I am going to put up a disco ball, a frilly dress and plaster it with makeup. Ugh Pizzaz? I might reword some stuff. What if I just go on and give my blog a one year birthday cake?
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You could do that too. You’ve got a whole week so maybe something cool will come to mind.
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:p or something I think is cool but ends up being lame. What are you doing for your bday?
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It’s your blog and you can blog if you want to. :p. I am going to Utah to look for jobs. :p My sister and brother live there so they will probably buy me dinner and a cake.
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That’s nice… the second part… job hunting no
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What are you going to do for your birthday?
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No idea!!!!!!!!!!!!! Indoor rock climbing maybe?!
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Maybe your boyfriend will surprise you. What year are you turning? Check out my new post I did this morning by the way….
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28 ahhhhhhhhhhh so close to 30
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You think it is bad you’re almost 30, I’m almost 40, on Tuesday….
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One more dayyyyyyyyyy
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Just a few hours now….Aaaaggghhh!
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AHA, now I’m well versed – you still want it?
You could start training with guinea-pigs they are easy to breed and multipy in highspeed. When I read about your awesome school I deeply reget that I cant accept any authority
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Yeah for sure. Now you have a little more description. I want to use it for a new tab/button, so whenever you can do it, that would be cool. Does it make you want to join Bitter School?
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The weekend is yours, pray for more bad weather. You better don’t let me in….
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I will pray for bad weather in Germany…
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Although education is crucially important, do not over look the importance of the home environment. I am the mother of two boys (still sweet and funny and happy. I have my work cut out for me), and I believe that with the proper support, I could shape them in to excellent Bitter Future Leaders. They speak 3 languages each, and would make amazing emissaries of bitterness.
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Languages are important to the B.I.T.T.E.R. school of Bitterness. Our kids need to be confused by other languages in order to get more bitter. However, I do believe that your kids could eventually grow into a comfortable amount of bitterness with a lot of specialized attention.
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I have a bitter teen that would be a wonderful role model for your new school! I will send her right to you TODAy 😉
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We are always looking for mentors for the young ones. We are willing to accept applications.
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Seems like we both have have qualified bitter teens for the job! 🙂
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Seems I am bringing the bitter teens together for some bitter education. Bring the bitter!
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I have a teenage daughter who is turning 17 today, whom I am volunteering to be the Principal of the Bitter School. She has a PHD in Bitterness and numerous Bitterness Awards. Shall I have her send you her resume?
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Please do. I also need a few references of her bitter behavior as well as some samples of her teaching methods. We have lofty expectaions for the bitterness we want to teach the kids.
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Her older brother will be her very reliable reference on this matter. 🙂
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I will be glad to ask him a few questions…
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B.I.T.T.E.R has my full support! Any child that doesn’t comply will be thrown in The River (TM) which is an initiative of my own.
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I wonder if the River stands for? Can’t wait to see how it works with the B.I.T.T.E.R. program.
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Yes. The children are our future. Excellent plan. 🙂
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Whoever said that a bitter person couldn’t care about the future of our children?
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Hey, I’m already old and bitter. Sign me up!
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You have been accepted into the Bitter School of Bitterness. Please mail your tuition of $30,000 due next week.
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Don’t hold your bitter breath. (But nice try.)
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I will hold my bitter breath. You can always apply for a scholarship, but I hear those are really hard to get.
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