Clock Bitterness

/ bensbitterblog
I have LOLing(laying on leather) to be doing but my clock won't stop bothering me.

I have LOLing(laying on leather) to be doing but my clock won’t stop bothering me.  Picture courtesy of Tutti on http://tuttisworld.wordpress.com/2013/03/20/callboy/

I am a busy person.  I have many duties to avoid at work, and when I come home a television that has all this programming that needs my attention.  In between, I have a phone has all these apps that constantly need updating with Tweets(last one 4 days ago), Facebook likes(don’t really like anything about Facebook), and of course this meta moment where I have to get a Ben’s Bitter Blog posted.  I takes a lot of time and energy to get my writer slaves to craft bitter posts for this thing (you don’t think I write these things do you?).  And when I am not doing that, pillows and blankets are craving my attention.  See how in demand I am?  If it wasn’t for those jerk clocks, I would have more time for doing what I want(LOLing, you know Laying on Leather).

Clocks make me bitter for many reasons, the first of which is that they can never agree on anything.  The constant bickering about who is the right time, who’s second hand goes faster, and whose other hand can just wait a minute for goodness sake.  It seems like every other 800 miles clock want to be a different hour.  And then clocks feel the need to change every spring and fall.  And don’t even get me started on the lazy clocks in Arizona and Hawaii.  I imagine it is because clocks are so hot in Arizona and too in love with the paradise of Hawaii.  It’s not like people in Hawaii have time to watch a clock anyways.

Clocks are always fighting over who is the right time. Obviously no clock is ever right.

Clocks are always fighting over who is the right time. Obviously no clock is ever right.

Clocks are always associated with violence.  Whenever someone is big ball of anger and hate, we call them a ticking timebomb.  If you are getting ready to start work, you are punching a time clock.  If someone is always watching keeping an eye on the clock, they are time slaves.  Why all the violence clocks?  Could it have something to do with never taking time off?  Perhaps you should take a day off or something and stop making us look so bad all the time.  Perhaps you could extend time a little for us overburdened people.

Clocks are so loud and obnoxious.  Right now in fact, I am trying to concentrate on making my writer guy get this thing done, but the clocks loud second hands are distracting me.  And do clocks have to be everywhere?  I mean right now,  I see seven.  I see three with three different time zones, a computer clock, a WordPress clock, an Ipod clock, a phone clock and two reader boards that also state the time(7 or so.  I lost count.).  I think it is time(get it, time?) for these ticking timebombs to be downsized, but I don’t want to offend them.  They might blow up.  And can everyone agree that the alarm clock is a little obnoxious?  I mean I set it for 10 o’clock this morning and for some reason it woke me up at 5:30 am.  I could yell at it to stop for a whole minute and it would completely ignore me.  I’m trying to get some sleep you loud obnoxious jerk! They never listen.  For instance, if I absolutely positively have to be on time, my alarm clock finds a way to sleep in and make me late.  Of course, I try to blame the clock, but no one ever buys that.

Who is ready to punch their time clock? I'm not ready to start, but I'm definitely ready to punch my time clock...

Who is ready to punch their time clock? I’m not ready to start, but I’m definitely ready to punch my time clock…

Clocks need to stop making me so bitter.  I’m talking to you wall clock and you Ipod clock and you phone clock.  Go bother someone in Hawaii for once.  All I know that right now, I’m going to punch my time clock.  Join me?

Arrrrghhhhh

Bitter clock punching Ben

33 thoughts on “Clock Bitterness”

  2. You talking about time and clocks has just reminded me we change our clock in the UK tonight.

    There was a time I could never remember what direction – 1 hour forward or back ?

    But then-someone told me this catchy little phrase to help me out . . .

    Spring Forward, Fall Back 😆

    or was it

    Fall Forward, Spring Back ❓

    Er, excuse me while I go Google 😳

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  4. The first rock song was about rocking around the clock, so that set a precedent for liking clocks, but it’s been downhill ever since. When I sit in my lounge chair and close my eyes in the living room, all I hear are competing ticktocks from the grandfather clock and the mantle clock. Tick TOCK tick TOCK. Time stops when we die, though, so you don’t have that much longer to endure them.

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  9. I have to agree in Arizona we have lazy clocks because we don’t go back or forward. I forget that stuff anyway so it’s kinda’ cool. But technology in general makes my head spin. Last night all my files were erased & I have to re-sign up on all my web pages….I GOT CHROMED.

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