“Love me or hate me, both are in my favor…If you love me, I’ll always be in your heart…If you hate me, I’ll always be in your mind.” Shakespear
I think this guy is famous for some play that he was in once so he gets quotes and stuff. I find this quote quite advantageous as long as you replace a few words. Be bitter about me or don’t be bitter about me, that is the question…uh both are in my favor. That has been the great thing about bitterness and blogging. If you hate my blog, I will be bitter about you, your family, your dog and cat, your gerbil(or hamster), each of your elementary schools, middle schools (or junior high), your high school, your junior college, your bachelor’s degree college, your master’s and doctorates(medical or legal) your job and career and also your online profiles(social, dating, or business). Bitterness will come from the core of the earth and bubble up like lava underneath a volcano and erupt, then come sliding down the mountain of bitterness to destroy your homes as you sit quietly playing Monopoly with your family. Metaphorically speaking.
But, on the other hand, to paraphrase what this Shakespear guy says, if you like, comment, or follow my blog then it is like angels are ascending from heaven to bestow the almighty gift of happiness, joy and pure and utter unadulterated glee. Tabernacle choirs will rejoice loudly, light will shine brightly, smiles will widen, pats on the back will be extended, video cameras will descend, cameras will pop and flash, and rage will come from me because, the angels are flying too fast causing too heavy of a gale force wind, the gift of happiness, joy and pure unadulterated glee was non returnable and not even on sale, the choir was way too loud, the light too bright so as to almost cause blindness, the wide smiles will show me too much tooth decay and yellowing, pats on the back will cause too much back pain, video cameras will invade my private breakfast, and the cameras will cause near blindness with their flashing. Metaphorically annoying the heck out of me and causing more bitterness.
The third option of apathy, will bring crickets, hipsters, Tommy Lee Jones, Grumpy Cat and Mckayla Maroney . Crickets make that annoying sound, hipsters claiming that they liked my blog before it was cool and TLG, GC and MM not being impressed. Bitter, Bitter and more bitter.
Nice quote, Shakespear. Maybe do something famous before you try to say some clever thing.
Arrrggghhhh
Bitter Ben
All images courtesy of Google
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Ok, I am going to ask the question. Bitter Ben, “Did you leave off the “e” in Shakespeare’s name because you are Bitter? If so, I love it and I am going to start leaving letters off of words as a tribute to your bitterness and mine. Hav a nic da.
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If you could go ahead and believe me, then yes of course I did that on purpose. I leave letters off my things all the time in random times because I am bitter or to cause others bitterness.
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Like the blog. Am bitter about Shakespeare. Who could possibly find all that old English twaddle interesting? It puts me to sleep. Give me John Grisham any day. Thanks for visiting my blog today.
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Always glad to visit humor blogs as long as they have some bitter.
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It’s a good quote but… Shakespeare did not write it :s lol
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Who wrote it then? Wait were you there his whole life to confirm this? Did you speak with the royal quote writer down guy? I have so many questions.
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I’m not sure who wrote it, I just know it’s misquoted a lot. It would have been cool to be his quote writer down person!!! There are so many conspiracies about Shakespeare’s writing I’d have the answers to 🙂
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I will put in a good word with Shakespeare. I misquote him a lot, so we are good buddies.
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Love the quote!
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Mine or Hackspear’s?
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I don’t care whether I am in your heart or your mind, just as long as you never forget me! 😉
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This post reminds me of a page-a-day calendar I once had that was composed entirely of insults from Shakespeare (which made it rather difficult to use as a calendar, in the absence of things like months and day numbers). To my knowledge, they only made that calendar for that one year, which I was very bitter about; but then it’s not like Shakespeare is producing much new material these days. Meanwhile, you might get a kick out of his plays Richard II and Coriolannus, both of whose title characters had so much to be bitter about….
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Thanks for the heads up on the bitter plays and characters that are bitter. I can’t wait to hear how bitter they are, by renting the movies. When do they come out?
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I’m totally going to be even nicer to you now just to reap your bitterness because it’s Harvest Time.
P.s. This is such an awesome and inspiring and inspirational and kind and wonderful blog post!! Keep up the great happy work!!
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Feel free to have all the bitterness you want. It will just make mine grow stronger.
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…. Anything but the hipsters. Dear God not the hipsters!
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The hipsters are too cool for our blogs. They also thought they were cool when even we didn’t read them.
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I like that TL is your blog mascot. I’m impressed that he works in every context.
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I thank his golden globes appearance. We are now two bitter guys cut from the same cloth.
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Your blog makes me happy. I smile from ear to ear.
Love,
Bitter Betty
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I’m really sorry to hear that Bitter Betty. I hope next time you read it, it makes you bitter. Next time I will be more Bitter Betty.
Bitter Ben
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I knew that would make you even more Bitter Ben.
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But I will accept it from you. So when will you be posting again?
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Shakespeare also wrote: “Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most sharp sauce.” No doubt in reference to your blog.
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My wit is not so sharp, so I believe it teeters on the bitter side.
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With captions like those, I believe you could be a screenwriter for action films. Girl’s heads don’t form sentences like that. Yes, I’m a reverse sexist pig. In McKayla’s defense, if you’re not first, you’re last. And last sucks. So I take her apathetic look to be seething rage. Mostly against China.
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I actually can’t take credit for those lines. If you remember that is an almost quoted line from the Fugitive. Remember when Harrison Ford escapes? Anyways, I just doctored a few lines and stole it! I am a thief! However, I would like to write for Hollywood action flicks. I would only have to use a few dumb words and off they go!
I loved the whole McKayla thing when she lost. Especially after those announcers were saying how awesome she was!
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You’re not a thief if your audience is too dumb to pick up on the references. On an unrelated note, I was reading on chowhound a bad review about an Austin restaurant called The Bitter End. It was so hateful, so bitter, and I thought of you–double bitterness, like Duran Duran but with bitter squared instead. And I didn’t think of you fondly at all.
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I’m glad you don’t think of me or my blog fondly. I think that is the whole point. On a completely related note, I want to go to the restaurant in Austin and teach them what real bitterness is.
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I woke up ths morning not feeling great, because I KNOW that boredom awaits me at every turn. Then, as if by some MIRACLE, Benbitterblog made me laugh my butt off. Are you serious? Who are you?? You are ‘da man ! I feel that anyone who invented “WHINE” should be given a medal, and you Ben “Bitter Mouth” deserve a big shinny Gold medal. (And 14 carat gold, not like the Popes’ ring either, that is ONLY Gold Plated!) Whew… you blew me away. Oh and Shakespeare? HE WAS A NANCY BOY.
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I am a giant glowing ball of bitterness that was forged in the center of the earth nearest the roots of bitter plants. By no coincidence at all, I came out slightly bitter. I would like a shiny metal like Wreck it Ralph, but unfortunately it would melt near my earth hottened skin. But thanks anyways. And Shakespeare, who is he anyways?
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is tommy lee wearing an ipad or cell phone, on his jacket ,in a shakespeare play?
the only thing i know about shakespeare is : my niece was 5 and she asked my brother, who he was and he said “ah that is the question. some think perhaps he was the most
famous person of all time”. she said ” oh, i thought that was whoopie goldberg”.
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Shakespear does bear a resemblance to Whoopi!
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LOL
they wear the same type of free flowing clothes too.
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And both spout nonsense.
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LOL…
sir ye take your nonsense to the apothecary and buy some bittersweet chocolate.
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I will do no such thing. I will take myself to the apothacary and get some really bitter chocolate!
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LOL…well just be gone with you and be quick about it then…and make sure you don’t enjoy the bitter chocolate, then you would not be bitter.
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Bitter is better.
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lol.better is not bitter.
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I follow and comment on your blog only because I know how much you like Tabernacle choirs.
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I’m just glad you don’t like my blog.
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Oh, never that. You’re welcome!
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