Acting is hard. I have tried it zero times and from that experience, I found that I don’t like it. You have to memorize lines and deal with multiple assistants that just can’t get the right temperature on your cold water, and dealing with the media who sometimes ask hard questions. For instance, What is your favorite actor? I guess that one is easy. Me. But then you have to do things that you don’t like. For instance, deal with emotion. Some actors get so emotional that they recieve awards for looking common. Like that is hard. All you have to do is peel off your makeup, and no one will recognize you. I, on the other hand, will give the Academy Award of Bitterness to someone who can act as bitter as I am in real life. For a while there were no candidates. It isn’t simple to be this bitter. No one could capture the combination of The Stone Cold Face of Boredom and Bitterness. No one seemed to be able to look so unhappy while others around him where so giddy with glee. Until now. Tommy Lee Jones, of the otherworldly film, Man of the House, you have found me as a muse. You’re welcome.
You deserve this Academy Award of Bitterness, aka Bittery, which is an old second place trophy from my Little League water polo days. Unlike the Academy Award that you didn’t win, this one will be displayed proudly in your second closet of old stuff, for none of the world to see. Luckily your maid will mistake it for your Golden Globe and place it ever so gently in your trash recepticle (a fancy word for your trash can.)
Congratulations, Tommy Lee Jones (all three names are necessary) on not only getting the first and only Bittery, but making my bitter Photo of the week.
Perhaps, someday I will be worthy of this award, but I’m sure I will only get second place (out of 1).
That makes me so bitter.
PS I am aware that the Academy Awards were like, weeks ago. That’s not my fault. They should have scheduled them closer to my bitter blog post.
Arrrggggghhhhademy Arrrggghhhwards
Bitter Ben
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I enjoyed this and all your comments, too! Thanks!
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It’s a good thing someone does or I would have to bitter. I guess I will have to find something else to be bitter about.
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Pretty funny, and great image to go with the Bitter! Thanks for stopping by my blog and the Like… I’ll take a longer troll around here now…
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Feel free to look around. Just know that if you do, you might become more bitter. 🙂
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Beautiful Blogger Award Nomination! 🙂 http://lifeofluckybay.wordpress.com/2013/03/07/holy-shit-beautiful-blogger-award-nominations/
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This is only kind of relevant… but the photo you posted reminded me of it. Have you ever seen the grumpy cat meme? I think you would enjoy it.
http://www.joesdaily.com/media/the-20-best-grumpy-cat-memes/
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Yeah, in fact, I am going to use the side by side of them for tommorow’s post. I will also officially invoke them as my mascots for the Bitter blog. You just got a sneak preview for tommorow. Consider yourself not lucky at all.
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I am definitely the unluckiest. But excited for giving you the idea for the picture for tomorrow’s post. Photo cred woooo!
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And a big thanks for that. And I always look forward to you Heard on the Hill series.
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Those are probably my favorite posts to write, if only because some of the things I overhear are pretty odd. And I enjoy reading your posts in general, especially when I find myself procrastinating…
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That’s when most people read my posts. When they are so bored, that there is nothing else to do.
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Oh, come on… give yourself more credit! Your blog is hilarious!
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And yours is as well…
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Thank you!
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Long, long ago, I worked at Borders bookstore, and during that time, I sold a ton of books to Tommy Lee Jones and his assistant, a young man who referred to his employer solely as “TL” and did all of the talking. I have never been able to see Tommy Lee Jones and NOT think about the full hour I spent with him without having him respond to a word I said.
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That is absolutely without a doubt the best story I have heard today. I honestly got such a kick out this! Thanks for bringing that to my blog. I think that is why I do this thing!
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Haha – it’s one of my favorites too. TL. TL.
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I might just share this at one point. If I do I will definitely credit you and link to your blog.
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Oh, you should absolutely use it! My LA celebrity stories are among my most favorite, as they are usually the most insane.
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There’s more? And you aren’t using them for your blog? Get on that right now!
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Oh I love this post so much. I started laughing from “I have tried it zero times” and didn’t stop until the very end. Good stuff oh bitter one.
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I do it for all the embitterment of society.
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Tommy Lee Jones looks like Grumpy Cat!!! Hahaha
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There is actually a picture of them side by side somewhere. I love this picture. He reminds me of me when my kids mess with me.
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That picture was a perfect find…lol!
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Tommy Lee Jones didn’t think so. Which is why he makes such a good me.
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HAHAA!! Love this picture. I think this should seriously be an award. Seriously. <—note, i put a period at the end of the sentence so you know I mean bitter business
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I will arrange it. Because I fear your seriousness when it comes to award shows that are about bitterness.
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HAHAHAH awesome… it should be a thing Bittery awards… and T.L.J should host.
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I would actually host. He could be the audience and we could just stare at each other bitterly for 3 hours. Riveting television for sure.
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Co-host? Well since he got the first ever (and only award) he should do something… ahh maybe you can make the award look like him?
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Dang. First Actor who came to my mind was dear old Tommy.
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If there is any others that you can think of I will add them to next years ceremony.
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This is one award winner I wholeheartedly agree with. Congratulations TLJ!
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I think it would be funny if the Bittercademy awards were televised and it was just me and Tommy Lee Jones staring bitterly at each other. Well, funny for me anyways.
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That would be the highest rated program in the history of the world.
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It would actually be second to the fireplace channel. Which makes me bitter.
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What about the Paint Drying Network?
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That’s fourth place after the Watching Grass Grow network, followed by NBC.
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HA!
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