This may sound like an oxymoron, but I am Bitter about comedy. Maybe it’s because I am an old man, or because I associate with a whole bunch of people that aren’t funny. And by not funny I mean that they don’t think I’m funny.
I get that some people don’t think I’m funny. My wife gets a pass because she has heard my stupid puns a hundred thousand times. (My small handheld ticker tells me so.) I get that some of my siblings and parents may have also heard things a few too many times, but they don’t get a pass. I don’t talk to them every day and I have new material. They should should be rolling on the ground if I haven’t told them any jokes for more than a few days. But there a vast majority of you out there that don’t deal with my humor on a daily basis(about 99.9% of the world.) So you should understand that everything I say is funny. When I’m insulting you, or giving you bitter stares or telling others about you behind your back, hey that’s just me being funny. Especially when I’m telling you how horrible you are. Just accept that is me being funny. It’s called sarcasm. Look it up in the dictionary. It’s in the “S” section. Also a thesaurus should work if you don’t have a dicitonary.
Which brings me to my point about comedies on television. Since everything I say is funny, I gravitate towards show that make me laugh. Because I can’t be carrying all the humor in the world. I need others to take the burden from me. So I allow stand up comedians (or anything on Comedy Central for that matter), late night talk show hosts, and a few prime time comedies take the burden from me, when I am feeling bitter. (Which is most of the time.) But for some reason, just like the fact that only .1% of you know how funny I am, there are shows on television that are super funny like me, but they are only watched by a small percentage of the people in the United States. This makes me bitter. The funniest show on television is called Community. It is hilarious and witty and smart, and yet it gets tiny ratings from people.
Then there is the matter of a show called 2 and 1/2 Men. So why must American make me so bitter by watching it? Do you just not have an understanding of how unfunny that show is? Are you bitter because you aren’t watching Community? I have not met one person who actually watches 2 and 1/2 Men. So who is watching it? Is it bitter old men who can’t hear? Or bitter old ladies that are hoarders and can’t leave the house and don’t know how to change the channel from CBS? Can we just hire someone to change the channel for these people?
You may or may not know that I have curse upon me that anything I start liking, such as food, gets discontinued or cancelled. I liked an Ice cream sandwich called Big Ed’s that was ice cream surrounded by chocolate cookies and had chocolate chips surrounding it. Discontinued. Then I started liking a Chips Ahoy thing that had creme between two cookies. Discontinued. Then I started likin Minute Maid Cherry Limeade. Discontinued at every store but Wal Mart. I would get it, but it requires that I go to Walmart. I even started liking Smallville and they cancelled it after only 10 years! Now I like a hilarious comedy called Community and it is getting 13 episodes, airing on the Friday graveyard schedule and then being put sadly to sleep after those few short seasons of pure joy.
As you can tell I am bitter about that.
Arrrgghhhh
Bitter Ben
now i am bitter. taking each paragraph seperately, so i don’t forget .i used to watch 2 1/2 men when the boy was small it was fair.. i hate the show, but i am a collector , can’t leave house in winter , but i can change the channel from cbs, just like a man…i have been told by a man that i change channels like a man…
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How does a man change the channel? My remote is controlled by 1. wife 2. son 3. daughter 4. visitors 5. everyone else 6. all aliens in existence. 7. me.
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wow; that’s not good….i was told men hold the remote & don’t let go, by a man.
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That was probably a single man.
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no it’s on tv all the time; they show men hogging the remote…all over usa this happens.
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do you believe everything you see on TV? I believe most things but not that. I barely ever see it.
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no, i don’t believe everything on tv…e.g. this sociopath – who does infomercials…now i forgot his name…he may go to prison…i was going to write about him, but forgot….he was in jail, before he started selling things on t.v. , so i wondered why people would put him on t.v…kevin trudeau.. i had to look it up; there are 2 guys.
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Isn’t one that vince guy? My favorite was Billy Mays but he died of a cocaine overdose. There is a funny Youtube channel that does really funny voiceovers of his infomercials. Hilarious. Now that is comedy.
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yes i found that vinny guy when i was trying to find trudeau… you know aol & youtube.. never saw it
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Well get yourself to a library and bring a headset and you too can watch it. You were able to watch Bitter Entertainment News and that was on Youtube….
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i am using wireless now, not aol, but it doesn’t stay on long.
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So you could if you really wanted to. Maybe you should just use that wireless when it comes on to watch crappy Youtube videos.
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oh i can’t use aol anymore.. this stupid condo has only 2 holes in the wall w/ built in cords that don’t come out.. built in 89.
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That place is almost as old as I am.
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nuh uh. you graduated in 91…built in 89.
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Yes, 1989 was the year I was built ..high school wise.
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lol.do you have holes in your roof?
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Yes, I do have holes in my head. And now…that explains most things to you.
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yes, yes it holes…it’s like a paul simon song- he’s got holes in the bottom of his shoes or soles or something?
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Also a movie with Shay Labeouf.
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which movie
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Holes. Like we were talking about. Holes in my head. Good movie.
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lol.. oh they didn’t have to think too long about the title did they?
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It made sense because they had to dig holes in the desert. Plus it was the name of the book it was based on.
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that sounds logical. books make me bitter
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They are really hard to read when you can see the movie.
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so true. why would anyone read
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cause college makes you.
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& that’s the last time i read….my chir. tried to get me to quit…holding books..well carrying them but holding was worse….i had to sit it up on a table .it was a whole big thing
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your chir.?
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i always shorten words..my chiropractor
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you would be really good at texting them, because that is always about shortening wrds.
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i don’t know how to text….think i would need a magnifying glass.i’m 92 you said.
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you would have to have a phone. Once you get a fancy one, you just type and hit send. I am a techno wiz.
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i know you are a techno genius too.. i have a phone from 1999 in my condo in va.
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I bet it has texting. you should see if you can text norton.
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i would love to text a shark….if he texts back, we could make a million…there’s an octopus that makes stock picks or baseball or something?
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maybe he could be in shark tank…as the nice one…
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they don’t have nice ones… i turn it off after 3 seconds, much like law & order last night.
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didn’t watch law and order…i don’t like shark tank, but wife loves it…
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hate shark tank..obnoxious people , fake…
ist hour was terrifying…2 minutes i turned it off…then i kept checking …then a commercial for the news scared me more than l&o…that’s pretty bad
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don’t watch l&o much. can’t really stand the cop shows. so many of them. can you imagine if there was as many murders as they have on all those shows? there would be no one left.
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there are as many murders as are on those shows & most are in florida… do you know while i was there 1 person went missing a month..just orlando…murders every day..shooting cops in daylihght…2 grandsons murdered their grandmothers…….i can’t stand them either, but i have to watch.lol
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i thought orlando was supposed to be the happiest place on earth…sounds like the murderiest place on earth…
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i thought so too..i even titles one of my stories sarcastically that, i think.. one day you have to read some.lol
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are they on your blog…where can i read them…
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you know i forgot what we were talking about again & comments aren’t in order on the page.lol…when i lay down i will remember…..i know the answer is yes..they are on here if you type in the words maybe, but i was so dumb i named almost everything florida hotel tales..
….you know i wrote like 3 posts mon. & you only read the last one mr. stan muse ial…lol
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i read them all just didn’t comment on all of them. i have some many more comments that i have to comment on ms. spelling….
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no, i mean you didn’t like them with your sideways picture.. maybe i just can’t see…
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that will be remedied.
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lol. it might be my computer..getting worse .. no one from china or italy is appearing in blog & some usa like dimwitdiary & others…hulu is playing above the arrows..can hear but not see..lol but not luaghing
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hey do you know what my name is in romanian? errin…in german ? perin
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what is it in russian? how about italian?
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no one told me russian, but i can find out both easily…have russian & italian followers
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i don’t know if i have followers, but i do have random countries that somehow click on mine.
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i had random countries in florida every day, but nothing else…
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when you look at your stats you don’t get other countries?
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i haven’t looked at them since i started using google ,like 8 or 10 months ago…
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i deal with your bitter humor on a daily basis & i think it’s funny
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you’re one of the few.
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lol. no i’ ain’t.
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My wife doesn’t even think I’m funny anymore. She’s heard all my material.
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oh sure she does… tell her this story, from yom kippur.. rabbi’s sermon about regrets… this woman wrote a letter to her husband 25 yrs after he died to say i’m sorry i didn’t laugh at your jokes, wehn we were arguing & you tried to make me laugh.
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That will just depress her and she will just give me a pity laugh.
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yes, depressed me too.. she would give you a real laugh.
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Every once in a while she does.
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maybe you’ll have to be funnier
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That is the problem. I will need to come up with a new set and delivery style.
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i was joking. wear a funny hat or a hello kitty t shirt when you tell jokes
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Maybe I should just become the cast of Community or become the subject of a roast.
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i would watch community if you were on it; i’m sorry, but i did not like that dumb show.DEAN martin roast… you could be the DEAN of roasts.lol
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I can’t believe people don’t like community. My favorite of all time and no one but me seems to care. So bitter.
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i know; i didn’t want to tell you. not even chevy could make that show come alive.
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you must be bitterly jealous that you don’t have a good sense of humor like i do. not everyone can appreciate fine humor like my bitter self .
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yes i am. i wish i knew what was funny about that show?
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Do you like Dumb and Dumber? The kayak commercials? Epic Rap Battles of History? The Cartoon Network? Then you probably don’t like the same stuff than i do.
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i like the cartoon network. i love family guy & bob’s burgers.. if they would show dr katz, i would love them more.
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Dr. Katz was one of my all time favorites. Especially Ben. But having those comedians on the couch, brilliant idea.
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yes. IT”S MY FAVORITE…it was only cartoon i liked besides flintstones….i am soooooo sad it’s over…
take your time writing, b/c i will be gone 12- 10…then i will fall over….i have to get dressed .
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What? You are leaving? Shocker. have fun doing stuff…whatever stuff you are doing.
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getting ready for the winter..lol.. you can leave bitter comments…new muse post
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Despite having the pleasure of listening to your jokes off and on for the last 40 years or so, I do admit, you are pretty amusing.
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Dear Noele in Montana,
Thank you so much for comments on bitterness. I appreciate you taking the time to read my blog and respond directly to the post. Oh wait, you are writing a personal note to bitter ben. Yes, that is precisely what this blog is for. Personal notes to authors of bitter biting commentary. Please, if you would like to comment on how funny bitter ben is, please take to facebook for such personal remarks. If you want to respond with how someone, something or someplace makes you bitter, then please feel free to comment. Having said that, thanks for you wonderful remarks about how funny I am. It takes some people a little more time to realize the facts, but I’m glad you finally came around. By the way, if you want to forward this web address to your friend hottie that would be fine too.
Arrrgh
Bitter Ben
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Thanks for the “pass” Ben. You are funny… funny looking! Love you.
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Denise in Washington,
Just understand that I don’t give a pass to just anyone. So of course it makes me bitter to make exceptions like this. Why would you do this to me. Just for that I will hand out bitter passes to each of my followers. This allows them to be bitter at any moment for anytime to anyone but me. Shouldn’t they know that I am the king of bitter?
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