Bitter Hair

/ bensbitterblog

Hair makes me so bitter.  (Everyone has some right?)  So here is the deal.  Women crave having beautiful, long, flowing shiny hair.  Billions of dollars are spent each year(you know because I did some extensive research to figure that number) to produce products to make their hair shinier, thicker, richer, fuller, glitteryer, less split endinger, strong enough to pull a horse carriage, etc.  Then they spend a billion more dollars or so to promote and advertise using fancy graphs and fancy names for ingredients for shampoos and mooses and hairsprays and conditioners.  Another billion on brushes and combs.  So all this money is spent on getting perfect hair.  Just so men will be completely oblivious about all the work you spent on it.  Just so they could make an off handed remark about how your hair looks good in a ponytail.  (The only time you didn’t spend all the time, money and effort on it.)  Speaking for men(because I am the bitter representative) we would be perfectly happy just seeing it in a pony tail.  Apparantly the hair is such a big deal with women that whenever they change it any manner (get it cut, style it differently, color it slighty lighter or darker) every women in the quad state area has to talk endlessly about it.  Why did you do it?  I love it straight, I love it curly, I love the color, it makes me want to do mine soon.  All you have to do to be completely inefficient at work is to have a women get a haircut.  The rest of the women in the tri-state area flock to it like a bee to honey and all chances of getting anything done are history. 

 Hair isn’t just happy taunting women either.  Men can’t seem to keep it on their heads, and can’t seem to get rid of it everywhere else.  So we spend millions of dollars (yeah only millions) to get it restored or maintained, or even sprayed back on.  Then we have to get it cut every 3-4 weeks or it gets impossible to tame.  Or we have to keep shaving so it won’t grow back or we have to be embarrased because we can’t grow it back.  Then there is the whole shaving of the face.  Hey I’ve got an idea.  Let’s find a way to do something that is very painful and they repeat that every day or two or three.  Or grow a beard or mustache and enjoy getting your food all over it. 

Speaking of hair and food, the worst part about hair is when it is in food.  There is nothing that makes me more bitter than to see hair in my food.  Hair in food gives me the willies and can make the most scrumptous food (like say pepperoni pizza) garbage.  If it happens (and belive me it does) I can’t swallow for hours knowing that a hair is somewhere near wanting to get on my tongue.  Hair makes me so bitter!!! Can’t we just somehow live without it?

AAAARRRgh!

Bitter Ben

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