Some letters make me so bitter. Like Q for instance. Look, we all have our preferences about who we like to hang out with, and most of us don’t have a choice who we work with. The old letter Q not only doesn’t seem to work that much, (How often do you use a word with Q in it?), but will only work with a “U” next to it. How do you think that makes “u” feel? Basically like a letter that has to all be ready whenever Q appears. And it’s not like U doesn’t work for other things too. I mean it’s a vowel for goodness sake! Here’s an aaargh for you, “Q”, the lazy diva of letters! And another letter that I am growing increasingly bitter about. G, Why do you continue to taunt me with your 4G? You said that you have “faster download speeds” and you are “blazingly fast”. Yeah, I guess that is technically true, but how come you only work when I am close? I mean, my house doesn’t get 4G and I get 4G when I am in certain spots, but you might as well be Wi-Fi for all the time that you work. And whatever happened to 1G to 3G? Did they go away or something? I have bitterness for all the letters, but these are the ones that are causing me bitterness right now. AAARRHHH! (As you noticed I left the G out of bitterness.)
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Ben's Bitter Blog 
I’m bitter you failed to mention that Q occasionally does venture out on its own in places like Qatar and Iraq.
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Pedant Pat,
Q makes me bitter for a lot of reasons and one is that it is in the alphabet. Second it guess it thinks it can venture off and do whatever it wants. First it is all clingy with u making it go wherever, and then just when U thinks it can always come along, Q thinks it can just leave whenever it wants to with out U. Also, I am bitter because you crushed my theory and you made me look like an irrelevant qack. Qik, tell me some more things wrong with my theory Mr. Pedant Pat! What does Pedant Pat even mean? AAAARRRGGGHHH!
Bitter Ben
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Dear Future Bitterperson,
Bitterness is a state of mind, kind of like happiness, except not at all. What you want to do is learn to take everything that happens to you and make some about it bitter. For instance, take sunshine. Some people in Seattle think that sunshine is God. But a bitter person looks at as something of an abhorrence. The sun is hot, it is too bright, it makes you sweat, especially if you don’t have air conditioning. When you get hot and sweaty that should make you bitter right? It is this state of mind that will help you become your bitterest. Thanks for the question bitterperson. Now that took up all my time and now I am bitter. AAARRRGGGHH!
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Bitter Ben, could you give me some bitter advice to make my life more bitter. How do you maintain your bitterness.
Signed, Depressed Dwayne
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Dear Depressed Dwayne,
Your bitter life should be enough to mantain the bitterness you so crave. But if that doesn’t work, look around. There is bitterness all around. You have to look deeper past the all the happy people in their happy cars and happy houses. There is bitterness deep inside us that we just need to bring out. Look for your inner bitterness and you will eventually find it. Bad luck on finding it. Arrgh. You made me spend like 3 minutes on this reply, when i could have been efficiently doing other bitter things.
Bitter Ben
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