You just typed the blog of your life and that one person that wrote a book, accidentally followed you. All of a sudden, your blog is blowing up, and you are adding like 5 followers a month. All of a sudden, rumors are flying around about the bacon vegan meal you had, the scandalous surgery you had on your mole, and the instagram photo you put up of your dog. Now, people can’t wait for the next words being spit out of your blog. You know…if you would just sit down for an interview on the Bitter Entertainment Network (B.E. N.), and air all your really lame and boring life details we could just get back to ignoring you and pretending like you didn’t exist.
Now that you have been knocked back down to earth, and you have all kinds of time, you can get to get reading some really boring and really lame and uninteresting posts, like Breaking Down Bitter Walls. Ooh, wow blog about walls. What’s next, a blog about watching paint dry? A blog about watching grass grow? Actually, those are some great ideas. I can’t wait to tell you about the brown, dry, flaky grass that inhabits the rabbit feeding grounds outside our house. Please, hold your breath.
Nowhere near as enchanting or as charming as some of the other things that come out of my fingers onto this page. Of course, if they are really bitter they are completely my idea, but if anything interesting comes out, then that is my brain’s fault. Total blame goes to that jerk of a brain that keeps itself hidden within my bodyguard of a skull. Learn more about my jerk the brain in What’s the Bitter Idea?
Then, just when the media couldn’t get any more annoyingsome, they are intrusively filming every boring detail of people’s lives, like Teen Moms, people surviving on tropical islands and storage lockers. Instead, I’ve decided to get my extensive team of the internet to film only the most embarrassing, humiliating and hospital inducing moments in my Lazy Friday Giftures.
The media was ignoring my tweets as per usual:
There were comments or something:
On Breaking Down Bitter Walls:
“I love the dinosaur attack clip. That is hilarious! I wonder if they needed smelling salts to revive her from the fright! ;)” Jack Flacco
“It seems as if each mechanic around my place is smarter than the last one, because if I go to three different ones, each one will completely ignore what the last one diagnosed, then find something even bigger and more dangerous wrong with the car, something that “needs to get fixed right now, or it will end up being more expensive in the long run.” – The Philosophunculist
On What’s the Bitter Idea?:
“My brain is a big ol’ jerk too. Also, I’m pretty sure that 1+1 is eleventy hundred.” MissFourEyes
“Your brain is so much like my brain. Or maybe it’s my brain is so much like yours. Whatever. I bet your ideas are much better (and bitter) than mine … if we could only access them. Thanks for making me feel bitter about my brain and about being an introvert.” 1WriteWay
On Lazy Friday Giftures:
“Go home, make poor diet choices for dinner, and just hibernate all weekend. Works for me every time.” carbscoffeechaos
“LOL Do you give seminars on how to do that? The headspace thing, that is… ;) Happy Friday!” – LVital7109
One last thing, whatever you do, don’t leak these videos to the media.
Again, if you ever need a some help getting less famous, always remember the Bitter Entertainment Network.
Bitter Media Unsaavy Ben